Just thinking

When I had my cardiac arrest 3 years ago, somehow my tongue got cut pretty bad during the whole carcuffle. I thought it would fully recover but often, I really notice a weird sensation/numbness along the scar. I can particularly feel it today...maybe it was something I ate...I don't know. I've basically come to terms with everything that has happened/is happening/could happen, but this sensation in my tongue right now has me feeling angry - angry that I have a heart condition, angry that I had a SCA at such a young age, angry that I have an ICD, angry that I'm currently facing the decision to repair my valve, angry that there are people who get to live with no health complications... Not everyday is like this, but there's days like today that I'm reminded that I've been through a lot! And I'm still going to probably go through a lot in my lifetime. The same as all of you! It's not always easy but we're getting through it, right? I need to remember that I have a lot to be grateful for too.


9 Comments

Gratitude

by Good Dog - 2022-03-23 14:20:50

I think that we need to look at it from another point of view: Any day "above ground" is a good day! It is all about gratitude instead of "why me". I consider myself fortunate that I have a pacemaker. I have had it for over 35 years. Without it I'd either be dead or sick in bed all the time. 

Really, I do understand where you are coming from. Everybody has bad days, but really, things could be so much worse. If you look hard enough, you'll see little kids struggling to stay alive. There is a lot of pain and misery in the world and many, many people so much worse off than you. All we have is today. I try to be grateful just for that!

 

Sincerely,

David

 

BETTER DAYS ARE HERE

by athena123 - 2022-03-23 15:44:53

YES, I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH AND MOST OF US HAVE OUR MOMENTS WHEN WE QUESTION " WHY ME". WHY NOT HIM BUT ME UNTIL I SEE ME STANDING AND HIM NO WHERE TO BE FOUND. TRY TO SEE THE POSITIVE AND TRY TO BE HUMBLE FOR ONLY GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU.. ENJOY YOUR LIFE DESPITE OUR OBSTACLES BECAUSE WHERE HERE ONLY  ON THIS EARTH ONE TIME SO WE MUST TRY TO MAKE THE BEST OF IT. GOOD LUCK 

We all need to vent.....

by BOBTHOM - 2022-03-23 15:56:46

We all need to vent from time to time.  I've done it and I'm sure I will continue to do it and I thank all those here reading for their time and understanding.  It's good to know your not alone!

Just thinking too

by Gemita - 2022-03-23 17:12:03

Lildanishgirl, Yes we are getting through it but I can understand your anger and it needs to come out.  Of course we could all count our blessings and there are many but there are also many challenges that I would rather not be facing and I am sure it is the same for you too.

I do recall your last thread and the difficult decisions you were having to make.  I hope you have been able to move forward even if this means doing nothing for the moment, to allow your new baby to arrive safely and to settle down without her Mummy being worried about what the future might hold.  I am sure it is the concern of having to make a decision that you are still uncertain about which is causing you so much stress.  Trust yourself and your instincts. They will never let you down.  At no time have I ever put my trust solely in the hands of my doctors.  I have to be sure in my own mind too that any decision I make is the right one for me. 

Move forward with confidence.  Your ICD is in place for your safety.  The ablation and mitral valve repair can safely be put on hold until the time is right for you.  You have other priorities at the moment.  Stay safe and well,

Gemita xx

Why me?

by TAC - 2022-03-23 19:21:46

I understand your frutration for all the medical problems that you have endured. Yes, some people your age never had to face serious health problems. But, also many people your age did not survive the same health problems you had. All comes to the fact that many of us love ourselves too much. We sometimes, feel too important to have been hit by something negative. We think that life should treat us well because we are good people and we deserve it. Well, the truth is that in the universe, even the planet earth is as small as grain of sand. What about us people in comparison with the universe? The point I'm coming accross, is that we are no special people at all, and that we're all subjected to the same odds for being hit with something good or something bad, just like anyone else. Being alive is indeed a miracle, after considering all the multiple things that could go wrong with our bodies. In regard to your leaking mitral valve, it will definitly get worse with time. Open heart surgery is currently very safe if you aren't too old. I agree with your cardiologist that the sooner you have it fixed, the better. Waiting until it gets worse or until you become older will be asking for trouble. When old people develop leaking valves, the heart surgeons always look the other way, because open heart surgery in the elderly is extremelly risky. 

Bad Times Don’t Last

by MinimeJer05 - 2022-03-23 20:30:27

Sometimes, it just feels refreshing to rant and let out some steam. I'm glad you came here to do so and I hope that your bad day and bad feelings pass. 
 

Remember, bad times don't last and count your blessings as someone else out there always has it worse than you. That doesn't belittle what you are facing and dealing with, but it does help shine some positive perspective after you've had your earned frustration and venting. 
 

I truly hope things turn around for you. 
 

Take care

Jer

WHY ME?

by AgentX86 - 2022-03-23 22:48:57

Good Dog said it best.  We're here on the right side of the carpet.  That's a good thing.

Yeah, I've had more problems than most but who cares?  I'm not most people.  Some can run faster.  So what?  Some are richer.  So what? I'm me and that's good enough.

The fact is that we really don't know what others are going through. According to FaceBook, life is beautiful all the time with trees and flowers and chirping birds.  It's a lie. There is no point in wishing we were they. Life isn't like that. It's better.

When life makes you MAD

by Gotrhythm - 2022-03-24 11:32:35

For sure, you are dealing with questions and concerns that to most people your age are literally unthinkable. Your life, your short term future doesn't look anything like normal or average for someone at your stage of life. All the perfectly reasonable expectations you had have been shattered.

It's a lot. A   raw deal.

But it looks to me like you are dealing with it with as much grace as anyone could. Yes, angry moments and all.

Be as angry as you need to. There's power in anger. The energy to keep going, to keep striving even when it all seems too hard. Sometimes in life, you can either collapse in grief and hopelessness or you can get mad. There's a lot to be said for getting mad.

But keep the anger focused on the real cause. Use it to make a life made of the things that really matter to you, now that you know you're not going to get an ordinary life. Don't turn your anger on yourself or those closest to you.

There are still occasions for joy, delight, humor, peace. Comfort. Be as angry as you need to for a long as you need to, but make room for them when the moment comes. They are also sources of strength.

 

Anger

by Donny - 2022-03-25 15:26:54

Hey there C, it's good to see your name again. Although, it's painful to hear what you are going through. I'm so sorry. As a relatively healthy 64 year old I feel like my body is betraying me at every turn. I can't imagine what a young gal like you must be feeling. You were such a help to me two years ago when I was making the decision to get an ICD. It has still never fired, but I'm glad it's there and would make the same decision again. Last year I had an emergency appendectomy. Now, 2 months ago, I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I went through radical removal 2 weeks ago and am recovering as I write this. I'm mad too. You be as mad as you need to be. I try to look at others around me that have it MUCH worse than the horrible stuff I'm going through. And there are many others. It helps some days, and some days it doesn't. It's a process and a mourning that I think we must all go through. I wish you so much good, and you are back on my prayer list. Take care of yourself, make the tough decisions that are right for you, and feel whatever you need to feel for as long as it takes. Hug to you. 

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Your signature looks like an EKG.

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