No going to lie, I was on the fence about joining this group for many reasons, but today is the day that I hopefully can connect with other individuals that share the struggle, but mentally and physically.
I am 31 years old, extremely active and have had syncope since I have been 17 years old. It has cost me countless jobs due to episodes occurring on the clock(liability). Last year, after what seemed to be a lifetime of hopelessness, I was finally fitted with a pacemaker after passing out on a plane for the second time(very hollywood and unreal experience). It was determined through an implantable heart monitor that my SA node is basically shot and does not always fire the way it needs to creating dangerous episodes of sinus arrest.
As a young father and husband, I have suffered mentally more than anything as my career choices have been significantly altered. I'm having the hardest time finding work and nothing seems to be on the horizon. People look at me and see this physically fit young man that appears to have absolutely nothing wrong with him, however as many of you can relate, that's simply not the case.
So much has changed in this past year and the adjustment to the severity of my condition has taken such a toll. My cardiologist had stated after the surgery that the syptoms would most likely still be present, however the pacemaker would stop the HR from going into sinus arrest. Needless to say he was right which was a little depressing but at least I'm no longer reaching syncope.
I feel like a burdon to my family and even worst that I can't seem to provide the way I desire. It takes a toll on my marriage for obvious reasons and makes me wish this problem wasn't real, that I would be better off by myself. I've decided to start seeing a therapist to help me process how troubled things are, it helps, but still hungry for more, it's just difficult when you're holding your 2 year old son walking down the stairs and symptoms kick in, a constant reminder that other people can always be affected by my condition. I would feel so devestated if I ever caused him harm from being symptomatic.