Dual pacemaker

Not fair

by AgentX86 - 2019-08-24 22:11:35

It's certainly not fair to blame you for these problems but it's normal to find someone to blame.  Hang in there and do your best to help him find a solution.  It's probably scaring the bejeebers out of him.  I know this crap doesn't make my day.

Fainting spells (syncope) is deadly serious stuff.  You have to get to the bottom of this and it may not be his heart at all.  If his doctors can't find the problem, I'd go two ways - a second opinion from a top cardiac center (large teaching hospital or a hospital that specializes in cardiology/electrophysiology) and also start looking for non-cardiac causes for the syncope.  Where to go for that?  Good question.  I'd start with a top-notch PCP and get referrals.  This might not be an easy path. Your husband's current cardiology doctors should be able to help with both.

Reply

by Nstevenson2019 - 2019-08-25 15:37:55

The reason I'm so involved with everything down to the point is he doesn't drive or work anymore and I'm the one running him back and forth to the dr. And I'm the only one working so I've missed so much in the last couple of weeks.. I don't know what we would do if I lost my job also 

Reject blame!

by Gotrhythm - 2019-08-25 17:45:09

Neither shortness of breath nor blacking out is caused by a pacemaker. So, you may have been in favor of a pacemaker, but nothing you did or didn't do, caused his problem.

Even people with pacemakers can experience shortness of breath and blackouts. All a pacemaker does or can do is make the heart go faster if it is going too slow. It can't fix blood pressure or lung problems. So once again, nothing that you did or didn't do caused his problem.

After my husband had open heart surgery he was so angry--at me! Like you, I was the one supporting us, and he would stay home all day thinking of how I was failing him. I know how hard it is to maintain your own sanity when you're with someone who seems to think you should fix them or their lives.

One day it dawned on me that hubby was focusing all his discontent on me, not only because he wasn't being personally responsible, but also because I was the only person he saw daily. I called his cardiologist told him what was going on and that I was this close to divorce. 

He told me he sympathized, and anger and depression were common in young men with heart problems, but what could he do?

I said, "I'll tell you what you can do. You can prescribe cardiac rehab! Five days a week!" Until he could drive there were all sorts of ways to get him to and from.I wouldn't have to take him and besides the benefit of the exercises, he would get all the benefits of a support group. "Oh and one more thing," I told the doc. "This can't come from me. Your office has to call my husband the tell him the doctor has prescribed it." 

Hubby started cardiac rehab and that was the turning point--for me, anyway. He was no longer alone with feelings I probably couldn't really understand. And--more importantly to me--I wasn't alone trying to carry both my emotional burdens and his.

I don't know if something like this would work for you. Maybe/ Maybe not. Or my story might spark a better idea. But do refuse to accept blame. You don't have to argue with him, but you can refuse to take it in. And refuse to accept responsibility for his feelings. Being sole breadwinner plus caregive means you really are carrying enough responsiblity right now.

Regardless of what he does, find yourself a support group.

Reject!

by AgentX86 - 2019-08-25 19:13:35

Hear, Hear, Gotrhythm!  You said a lot and all true!

The cardiac rehab gambit is an excellent idea.  After my CABG surgery, my cardiologist prescribed rehab for 12 weeks, three days a week.  It was the best thing he could have done for me, though I was already back at work.