Feeling so unexpectedly bleak.

normal!

by Tracey_E - 2018-08-01 10:48:11

It's perfectly normal to have a day when it just hits us and we get blue. Like you, I've been through bigger things that I didn't bat an eye and my positive attitude didn't waver, then something smaller hit me like a ton of bricks. Brains are weird.  It's also temporary. Go get some fresh air, do something with your friends, fake it til you make it.  You know you've been through worse and come out ok. Your brain will catch up soon. 

I empathise!

by Paulb - 2018-08-01 15:51:10

It is now 3 weeks since I had my pm fitted and I am one of the world's positive people.  For the first 10 days it was like a dark cloud hung over my life.  I was shocked, listless, sleepless and unable to focus.  I am pleased to say I am now much more accepting of what has happened and getting back into my normal life's rythm (or pace I supose).

I think there is a period of grieving that has to be gone through, for some this can be a short cycle and for other much longer.  Just the notion that you have gone from healthy and independent to dependent, yet healthy. needs to be accepted.  Rejection and a feeling of anger or hopelessness is perfectly normal in such a process and once you work through it to acceptance then ideas and normality starts to happen again.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and some people have longer tunnels to travel to get to that light!

So sorry

by vdol52 - 2018-08-01 16:35:42

Anything you do that is invasive to the body is traumatic. The Heart Chakra has been disturbed but the good news is that we Humans are amazingly resilient and it will heal over time. If you believe in energy medicine, consult a Reiki practitioner. If you do not then just disregard this post. I wish you and all of us a healing.

Getting back to yourself

by Gotrhythm - 2018-08-01 17:11:28

It's not at all uncommon for people to find themselves feeling depressed, blah, dull, low energy--however you wish to describe it after "stuff" has been done to the heart. Yes, I know you sailed though open-heart without a hitch, but that was then. What you're going through now is now.

You obviously have a lot of inner strength and positive outlook, so it's obvious you have emotional and philosophic resouces but are having a hard time calling on them right now. Don't suffer alone. Just a few sessions with a counselor or clinical psychologist will help you get your mojo back.

Thank you for your responses

by Ding - 2018-08-01 17:36:10

Bless you all for responding, I will definitely try and absorb what’s been said. Not too sure that bleak moods are always related to worries/thoughts as I think sometimes it’s just low serotonin etc but in this case you may be right. re-visiting the pre-op process and leaving my husband at the door, brought back the last time and although I recovered really well it was pretty touch & go for a while, with my family being called to the hospital, your right those memories are very bleak, I only look back to that time on the anniversary and your right very dark memories best forgotten, maybe this just churned all that up again it was the same hospital. So grateful for your time and help, I will keep you updated  

It's hard sometimes

by Theknotguy - 2018-08-03 10:48:16

Had a person on the forum a few years back wondering why we sounded so cheery and upbeat.  After all we do have heart problems and some have problems that will be fatal.  So why be so upbeat?  This is serious stuff isn't it?

The answer was - he was right.  This is serious stuff.  Most people don't have to go around with a lump of metal inside their chest and needing to rely upon it to keep alive.  So if you have an occasional blue period (like TraceyE said), that's normal.  The main thing is to recognize you're having a blue period and to do whatever you can to get out of it.  I went to see a psychologist.  She helped me a lot.  Something else that seemed to help in my case - drink water.  A little more than usual.  Don't know why but it seemed to help.  

So yes, you're going to have the occasional blue period.  Try to move on as quickly as possible.  It's a big world out there.  And now that you have something to help your heart you can enjoy the new life.  

Hope your recovery goes quickly and well.  
 

Plan for the blue days.....

by BOBTHOM - 2018-08-04 00:11:58

The mood hits us all and I don't think it ever really goes away.  Be prepared for it, do something that will make you smile.  Take a trip to the beach or mountains if thats your thing, go have a slice of that pie you love or go buy a new pair of shoes.  Something positive to break the mood.  Maybe go have lunch with an old friend.  I have my plan, it's usually a trip to the beach followed by either an ice cream on the way home or a stop for pizza and beer!  I don't deprive myself of any of the small pleasures!  But that's me, find your joy, create your happiness!

update

by Ding - 2018-08-04 08:34:37

oh BOBTHAM i would love to join you on the beach trip followed by the ice cream. your so right and i do have some stratogies in place and im plodding on. However i have news !! SWANGIRL ive been mulling over what you said about : "You need to pay attention to what might be going on in your head and the relationship between what you are thinking and your mood" and i think maybe ive been harbouring the night mare that surrounded my last procedure. And then switching on the BBC news today brought it to the for-front. they reported on the following!..............

"Toxic bickering between rival camps of surgeons at a leading heart unit contributed to an increase in patient deaths, a leaked report says.

Staff at St George’s Hospital in south London felt a “dark force” was at work in the heart surgery unit, according to a review that condemns inadequate monitoring of deaths and “tribal-like activity” among surgeons."

This is my story and i have contacted them with it : "Oh my word, I’m absolutely in shock that the St Georges cardio surgeons issue has made it onto the BBC news. I had a 6 year battle regarding mitral heart valve repair surgery. Basically, I had done my research and was insisting on a repair, because of the long term prognosis. My surgeon at the time, Professor Jahangiri, was insisting that i was not a suitable candidate and that a metal valve was my only option, she also talked to me about an animal valve. I was around 50 at the time. i knew what i wanted, held out, and let everyone at the hospital know this, year on year. I even looked into going to mount Sinai hospital in New York, for the procedure, as they were pioneering repairs, i honestly believed the skill set wasn't available in the UK. 6 years on, when my valve was so severe that  surgery was imperative, my consultant Dr Sharma finally referred me to Mr Chandra a surgeon who could 'maybe' do a repair. When i met with Mr Chandra, for the first time. i explained to him that i was so relieved that St Georges/the UK finally had a surgeon that could help me in my quest, to my disbelief he informed me that he had been there all the time! i told him i had even thought about going to Mount Sinai  and he explained he helped train them surgeons! oh my goodness, for 6 years my health had been declining, and the skill set  had been in St Georges all the time. Mr Chandra went on to perform a miracle 8 hours operation in feb2016. By then my regurgitation was so severe that it had damaged a second valve, he told me, after, that most people wouldn't have survived that operation and that i had been referred to him to late. i was in induced coma for 3 days and hospital for 2 weeks. During this time Mr Chandra visited me 3 times stating, 'post code lottery' and hinted at surgeons’ ego he asked me to take my story to the press, today i realized just how far reaching the problem was, when i had thought it was just politics surrounding my case. To honour Mr Chandra, for saving my life, i took the matter up with the hospital as a formal 'complaint' i just wanted things to improve and repairs to be offered upfront alongside metal valves, and for surgeons to pass on cases that they did not have the skill set for. i wrote a letter and when i got an unsatisfactory response to that i replied insisting that once Mr Chandra was satisfied with the outcome i would close the case. The case is still open, i never got another answer even though i chased it. i brought it up again recently, because i was caught up further in the recent matter relating to  the need for the pacemaker . I've never told the hospital that it was the surgeon who asked me to report the matter, as i didn't want to jeopardize him in any way.  i have been in the middle of this 'dark force' now for too long, nearly losing my life. i think maybe my case must one of the most significant in this recent reporting".                                           i got so well that i didnt look back too much until now. to be honest i think going through those operating theatre doors again and leaving my husband behind again just brought it all on me. waking up in intensive care, those years ago, with my husband & daughter there trying to wake me and being told my son had visited, i knew  i had almost died, because i had specifically told my kids not to see in intensive care.........my goodness all this i have been keeping down in my mind, no wonder i feel depleted, maybe its not my electrics at all. i haven’t posted this to involve anyone in this awful political situation but because it might explain my mood to you all who have been helping me.