Feeling trapped by pacemake

So last night someone answered to one of my posts and said I like to be in control. I didn't want to accept that comment but while I was thinking about it yes I think I do .
I am feeling really overwhelmed by this pacemaker although I am trying to hold in my feelings as to not have a panic attack or freak out as I try to hold myself together.
I hate the feeling that it is in my body and I can't rip it out. I have never liked being held down or tied down or trapped. This thing is making me feel this way and I a sad that even though the rational part of me knows I had no other choice. But then I think mabey it would have resolved it self or mabey I should have waited.
Am I crazy?

9 Comments

Embrace It!

by Grateful Heart - 2015-10-06 01:10:01


None of us wanted a PM. You can fight and resist it....or you can embrace it. Be grateful for the 2nd chance, continue to heal and move on with your life. It's one of life's little bumps in the road that we've all encountered.

It's still new to you so it will take some time...and that's ok. You're still here with your family so you, just like the rest of us have much to be grateful for.

It takes too much negative energy to feel like you are trapped. Put that energy to good use. :-)

Grateful Heart

hope not

by wired-in - 2015-10-06 02:10:40

If you are crazy so am I believe it or not I feel the same
way I told my family I don't think I will be able deal with
having a pacemaker with out flipping out and wanting to
dig it out .I cant stand the fact that I have to have it but
I guess I do it has been almost three weeks since my
surgery and I try not to think about it I just have the fact
that it is there blocked out for now if you can understand
that I know that sounds strange ,but its the way I deal with things sometimes .I am just focused on recovery
and getting back to training/the gym right now, hopefully
by then I will see its no big deal . Also I am sure like my
family is glad I have it your family and friends are glad you have it .even though I am new here I have done a
lot of reading and it has helped me deal with things a lot
Stay strong

Hi Lisa..........

by Tattoo Man - 2015-10-06 02:10:56


You know, all who have posted above really understand how you feel...

I had my first PM as an emergency in Nov 2010...I never liked it...I just loathed this monster that someone had stuck in me...all I had done was pass out a lot including while driving...

Exactly !!.....Who wants a car with its driver slumped at the wheel careering towards you ???...

I am on my second PM now and I am just fine with it...if I wasn't a member of PM Club I may well never think of it at all..

So..in my case , time has been the great healer and a great giver...after all..how would I have found such a fantastic group of people who I can genuinely call friends..a Global Clan of folks with one very important thing in common...

Welcome aboard this fine group of people....PM Club will always be there for you.....be a little more patient with yourself and in time you may well be the one who is supporting other 'Newbies'.

You take care..

Tattoo Man

adjustment

by Tracey_E - 2015-10-06 03:10:08

It takes time to adjust to our new normal! First step is to accept that yes, you needed it. Electrical problems do not go away on their own, and drs don't give pacers lightly so I can say with confidence, yes you needed it. One day soon hopefully you will feel the same way. From there, my best advice is get active again. The busier you are, the better you feel, the less you'll think about it.

You are not crazy

by Theknotguy - 2015-10-06 04:10:47

You are not crazy. You're going through the same things everyone does after their life is turned upside down and they have to accept a new reality. It isn't easy.

I know I was the one who gave you the poke you didn't want. But I'm trying to get you to move on to the new reality. It's a big world out there with a lot of things to do.

Like you, I don't like to live with machines and medication. But the alternatives are worse. I can waste a lot of time and energy fretting about things I can't change or I can make the best of the situation and move on. I've chosen to make the best of the situation. Yeah, I've had the days of "why me". But that doesn't do me any good in the long run. No one likes to be around me when I'm in the blue funk and no one likes to help me when I have that attitude.

As I remember you've got two or three kids plus a husband and a business that depend upon you in some way. Based upon your overall description you are doing fairly well. Yes, there are some bumps and thumps, but they are being addressed. We have people who come on this forum where there is no answer and no hope. There is nothing I can say or do to help them. No so in your case.

Some people get annoyed when I say my grandparents swam in the wrong gene pool. It's my way of saying I can't do anything about the genetic dice that were thrown and I ended up with a bad situation. But, we have the wonders of medical science. It wasn't too many years ago that I would have been dead. It wasn't too many years ago they wouldn't have been able to help you. So we are both fortunate to be alive at a time when things can be done to help us. Maybe not in a way we would like, but we are getting help. And the longer we live, the better our options.

It is a lot to get your mind wrapped around the situation. The first few weeks I was totally overwhelmed. Plus I had the situation where I woke up from a coma and found myself in this new situation. I went from running my life to being totally dependent upon others. Talk about the world being upside down! I found out things were better if I just concentrated on getting through one day at a time. I didn't look ahead and borrow trouble and I didn't look back with regrets. I just concentrated on today.

What you do have here on the forum is a lot of people who have been where you are. We didn't like it either. But what we have done and encourage you to do is to move onto this next phase of your life. It doesn't mean you have to like it. I know I don't.

Maybe it does sound like sweet lemons and sour grapes sometimes. But we have moved on. I hope you can too.

Hang in there. Life does get better.

Pacemaker not too bad

by MathTeacher - 2015-10-06 06:10:39

Hi,

I received my pacemaker implant a few months ago. Ten days later, my husband was murdered. Pacemaker? What pacemaker? Haven't really given it much thought. There are a lot worse things than living with this thing. The kids at school think it's cool that I'm a cyborg. Embrace the good parts of it. Think of it as a positive in your life, not a negative. Most of the time I forget it's there. And yes; I definitely know what it's like not to have control of things.

Trapped

by Good Dog - 2015-10-06 11:10:34

Simply, read the previous post!

Math Teacher.....

by Tattoo Man - 2015-10-07 08:10:44


....forgive me but I cannot walk past your comment without offering my support, should you need it.

TM

perspective

by judyblue - 2015-10-07 12:10:59

wow, what perspective Math Teacher just gave all of us- especially me! What a horrible tragedy. God Bless you and your family. Thank you.
judyblue

You know you're wired when...

You have a high-tech ticker.

Member Quotes

It's much better to live with a pacemaker than to risk your life without one.