Safe to drive??

My MIL has an ICD for 2-3 yrs after a sudden cardiac arrest. She has suffered a shock at one time. She never seemed to have a driving restriction. My husband is very anxious about his mother driving with our children in the car in fear of her defibrillator shocking her and causing an accident. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I hate to put a restriction like this on grandma :( that would be quite a sting! She says she is okay to drive. But, gosh, if anything ever happened to my babies that I could have prevented I could never forgive myself! So of course I see my hubbies side too!

Can anyone offer me words of advice/wisdom/experience? What does happen if your defibrillator delivers a shock while you're behind the wheel?

Sincerely,

Just me

10 Comments

Are you serious ?

by IAN MC - 2015-04-01 01:04:30

Itsjustme Sorry to be so blunt , but you either :-

- do not love your kids
- or you are stupid

Which is it ?

Your post is one of the biggest no-brainers I have ever read on here. I would hate to think that your MIL could wipe out your kids and some other innocent people just because you don't want to hurt her feelings.

Think of the worst possible scenario, because it COULD happen and PLEASE don't ever let your MIL drive your family with her record of 3 shocks.!

You say she has little concern about causing your kids
to be sick; does she feel the same about killing them in a car accident ???

Ian




Sometimes I question option 2 ;)

by Itsjustme - 2015-04-01 01:04:45

Oh Ian MC, haha kudos to such bluntness. I totally get your reaction. I was not initially aware that she had 3 shocks if you can believe it! I'm baffled by this as well. I guess I'm looking more for advice on how other people might handle the situation. I want to be as sensitive in my response and clear as I can and I just didn't have a lot of information about this. As a sensitive person myself I understand my mother-in-law's emotions and I always think about how I might feel on the other end. The decision isn't as tricky as figuring out how to communicate the decision in a way that can keep our relationships running smoothly. We have been working hard at the trust issues that have come from all of this and have made so much progress!

I appreciate the time you took to respond. Your reaction helps me to feel less guilty about all of this so thank you for that :)

Hi Justme............

by Tattoo Man - 2015-04-01 03:04:16


......................Brother Don mentioned me earlier......

..YUP....I have experienced Bradycardia while driving.....

...and you know...it just was not my problem......

MRS TM.. grabbed the wheel and got us out of danger..

...when I was heading for a PM rip-out a couple of years back, my surgeon pointed out that I had become really low dependant on my PM....Great.....

..Except....

He pointed out that the poor B****** quietly motoring on the other lane really did not want to see my car vaulting the barrier to take out ..YOUR FAMILY..because I was seen as 'low risk'

When it comes to cardiac risk and pacemakers there is NO 'low risk'

So..Justme...sorry to come across as heavy,..but...

Its not about JUSTME...

Its about everyone who lives in the same world as you.

Its about everyone who lives on this site..

I think that you get it..

Its not that hard to make a decision about...

It will be good for YOU..your KIDS and quite possibly DON...tootlling along with a bear on the pickup up the other carriageway.

Its up to you

Do it for Don..

Tattoo Man

SensitiveFeelings

by Artist - 2015-04-01 03:04:16

I think you really have no choice other than to stop putting your children in a potentially life threatening situation. Think of how guilty you all will feel if you do nothing and there is a serious accident. You are concerned about how sensitive your MIL is, considering this, think of how devastated the whole family will be if you don't intervene in this situation. Are you willing to gamble with the lives of the children and other people and potentially live with the guilt caused by your inaction? This is what they call "tough love". Let your MIL know that you made this decision out of love for everyone, including her.

What I needed to hear.

by Itsjustme - 2015-04-01 04:04:16

Wow... I very much appreciate you sharing such a personal story. really, that is a BIG deal. I do know what the right decision is. Thank you tattoo man.

Thank you!

by Itsjustme - 2015-04-01 04:04:42

Thank you for your input. That's a good way to put it. I have not yet put my kids in her car, we have just avoided this conversation out of lack of information and trust. Grandpa always drives, but she is no longer working. This means she will be driving a lot more while her husband is at work. I was just trying to gain more knowledge and reassurance before we have this conversation. I am not lacking intelligence. Nor am I careless when it comes to my kids. I promise. I know I worded my question badly. Obviously if a shock knocks her to the ground I can figure out what happens when she's driving. And no, I would never forgive myself. My life is centered around my boys! I was just looking for words of advice, reassurance that we are making the right decision, or maybe learn from someone else's experience. My kids are very safe, loved, and cared for. I just wanted to make that clear :) thank you all for your kind words, knowledge, and concern!

The sraight scoop on Grandma...

by donr - 2015-04-01 06:04:55

...driving w/ the Babies. She should NOT be doing it.

I have a driving restriction - not because of a PM/ICD issue & not from the Georgia DMV. Three even higher authorities than the State refuse to let me drive...My Wife & two adult daughters. Why? Because I cannot stay awake while driving - not even the 5.8 miles to the post office. I have fallen asleep while sitting behind a dump truck loaded w/ gravel while awaiting a traffic light change.

Now, I recognize the problem & do not force the issue - but it is galling as all Heck to be considered such a hazard to safety that they are so publicly, vocally adamnant about me driving.

Sounds like you have the same sort of situation in your family. I do not know if your M-i-L SHOULD have a restriction in Washington State, but if you & husband agree that Grandma should not be driving the Babies around, it's time for HIM to put his foot down & stop it.

You did not tell us how old all of the family members are, nor did you mention if Grandma has a Grandpa to drive her around. Nor did you tell us how serious her condition is that requires the ICD. Sounds to me like she should NOT be driving at all.

Defib shocks can have a range of effects, starting at very mild & non-disabling IF the device has that program feature in it & she responds to the mild level appropriately. They range up to the level popularly called the "Jesus Jolt" that can drive you into unconsciousness from its severity. Should that happen to her while driving, she does not just endanger the Babies in the back seat, but herself & anyone else on the road who happens to be in her now erratic path - especially if she is on an interstate highway when it happens.

Tattoo Man comments on this situation frequently.

This is NOT a fun situation & Grandma is gonna be hurt by it, but I think it is time to stop it & tell her EXACTLY WHY.

Donr



driving

by Tracey_E - 2015-04-01 08:04:36

Icd's are given for various degrees of risk. Many people have them as a precaution and they never fire, others get hit more than once. If she is otherwise healthy and fear of the icd firing is the only hesitation, if her doc feels she's a low risk for another major event, I would be ok with it with my kids. She's gone 3 years without another episode? She may never have another, or if she does the odds of it being while driving are pretty slim. Icd's fire when the heart has a dangerous episode. Something to think about- anyone can have a cardiac episode at any time. Having the icd increases your chance of survival. The icd isn't the risk, the heart history is.

That said, my kids are not allowed to drive with my mil. She zones out, stops in the middle of intersections, parks in random places and I don't understand why her dr hasn't turned her in to DMV. My kids know not to get in the car with her.

heart function

by Tracey_E - 2015-04-01 12:04:16

Jeez, if you can't trust her to tell you the truth, that makes it a lot more tricky. When in doubt, you have to protect the kids.

It would be a good idea for your husband to go on her appointments regardless. It's always better to have two sets of ears and for someone else in the family to know what's going on with her, what meds she's on, etc. I used to go on my grandmother's appointments. When she reached the point she couldn't make her own decisions, I already knew her docs and what we were dealing with so the transition was easy.

By heart function, do you mean ejection fraction? Because a normal number on that is 55-60% so under 50 isn't that bad. They don't worry about it until it's about half that.

The problem is...

by Itsjustme - 2015-04-01 12:04:23

Thank you for your responses. She has less than 50% of her heart function. My husband says it has actually delivered a shock 3 times!? He has never communicated this to me before. His mom tends to minimize things I think in fear of any restrictions we may place when it comes to the kids. For example she'll lie about being sick so that she can see the kids. She has no concern whether the kids could get sick or not. She lives 10 minutes away and we see her every week. And speak to her every day on the phone so it's not like we don't involve her as much as possible. She just kind of has that personality where she wants what she wants. So we are often uninformed. I wish I had more information but it's hard to have a candid conversation about it with the person who has the most information! It's all very frustrating. Maybe she would allow my husband to come to a check up and he can ask any questions he has.

I feel very safe when she drives She is more tired and winded in general but she's never falls asleep at random whether she's driving or hanging out at home.

I just hate all of this for her. She's very sensitive and it would hurt her feelings. I can only hope a little part of her would understand as much as you, Donr. I'm sorry you have had this same hiccup in your life, I just can't imagine...

Again thank you for a couple of different perspectives. It gives me a little more to think about. Best wishes to you both!

You know you're wired when...

You know the difference between hardware and software.

Member Quotes

It may be the first time we've felt a normal heart rhythm in a long time, so of course it seems too fast and too strong.