.... sex?

I dont have a pacemaker but I didn't know where else to turn to.. my boyfriend recently just gotten a pacemaker we're only in our 20's and well... engage in sexual intercourse. How/what can I do to make him more comfortable? Not so much just physically but also emotionally. I don't look at him anything less then the man I met and loved. I just dont think he feels the same anymore. Aside from us making love, I want him to feel better about this.. any in put?

8 Comments

Thank you:)

by inittogether11 - 2014-05-27 05:05:54

Thank you to all that comment.:) it is hard but I dont try to show it because like one of you said I dont want him to think that now with this I have to give him baby treatment I play around to even say " just because you got this.. dont think Im going to feel sorry for you. . Your still a jerk sometimes" lol but he knows I just like to make him laugh. I told him about this club but I guess he is still just going through it all still and needs time. He is unfortunately one of the lucky ones that can feel everything; all the the wires And the device itself. .its been a little over a month but it still hurts, he feels the wires even messing around near his shoulder area (that normal?) Thank you all again.

Support

by ChrisD - 2014-05-27 08:05:45

Keep giving him support and tell him to join this group and he can share his feelings and feel normal sooner. As far as the sex is concerned: Better heart function means better sex. Good luck to the two of you.

emotional healing

by Tracey_E - 2014-05-27 10:05:25

For someone young, the emotional healing can be harder than the physical. It is a big blow to find out your heart isn't as healthy as you thought, to face your own mortality many years before the average person has to deal with serious health problems. You didn't mention why he got it, but most of us heal and have no restrictions, so we can safely do whatever we want after the first 4-6 weeks. The best thing you can do is not dwell on it, treat him like you always have. If he brings it up, be supportive. If he wants to talk, listen. Be his rock.

I got my first pm 6 months after I got married. My husband treated me like I was fragile for a little while (which annoyed me, but that's just my personality, I do not want to be babied or treated differently), then he got over it. He realized I was ok. I got used to having it. We moved on, now it doesn't even come up except when my battery gets low.

I'm not a guy

by kmom - 2014-05-28 03:05:34

so I might be a little different. I've also been married for nearly 29 years! again different but the one thing I do know is after I received my PM I had a lot more to give than I'd had in many years! I actually WANT to once again where I had such a difficult time before. When you feel better your world changes! Give him time and be supportive but as he gets feeling better as far as physically he'll do great. Keep the communications open, I didn't realize how bad things had gotten or how bad I really felt until After my PM. All I knew was I didn't have anything to give. That's hard on a spouse or relationship. If things are meant to be they will happen.

hi

by pacergirl - 2014-05-31 10:05:37

You are one smart girlfriend! There are many things going through his mind these days. Talking and really listening to him is one of the best you can do. My hubby began to call me lovely names because of my PM. Things like "intel" operated, Wonder Woman, and then he began to say things like.... well how awesome I was and how glad he was because I was still alive! I had some odd notions about my life and my church pastor helped me with that. We have a philosophy about things now. We forget the troubled past, live in the moment and plan for our future. We touch more, we laugh a lot and when we are alone we can relax and be truly ourselves. Scars and all.

Continue to be patient, be a good listener, but most of all be happy!
If he isn't feeling as happy as you, then lend him some of your happiness. It will get better, Celebrate the fact that he is still alive and has many, many years ahead of him.

Hello

by snowwhite - 2014-06-02 04:06:25

I got my pacemaker a year ago. My husband has been fantastic, supportive and most of all....fun. Keep the happiness going. He teases me that with the pm I can go longer now, calls me bionic woman. Yeah, I've had some problems with mine and had to have a lead revision and I felt like hell. He has only been the most kind and understanding person I have ever known. I think of getting my pm kind of like getting my car fixed. If it has a problem take it in, get it done and relax and enjoy being able to do things without fear. Best of luck to you and your man.

wires

by Alma Annie - 2014-06-03 11:06:45

My wires have ended up quite prominent at the edge of my underarm. This is due first to a mammogram where the technician was extremely rough, and then somehow I got a towel hooked underneath them when drying after a shower. Nothing was damaged though, and I have to put up with a bit of discomfort until I need a new battery. EP said all is well and pm working fine!
The hurt will go, as with all wounds, when it has healed. Then he will probably forget that it is even there. It just takes a bit of time to get used to it. If your boyfriend does not want to join this site, you can do all the asking for him. It was a wonderful help for me in the early days, when I thought I had lots of problems, which were not problems at all, and I found that most people had experienced what I was experiencing.
All the best
Alma Annie.

Thank you:)

by inittogether11 - 2014-06-19 12:06:55

I just got to read the new comments and really appreciate you ladies taking the time to put some words of incouragement down for me. I'll take the advice and keep this all in mind. Best of luck to all of you as well ! :)

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