Feeling Ugly :(

25 year old girly in the uk.... Had my pacemaker fitted last Thursday. Was told by the docs to go out for atleast thirty mins to an hr per day for a walk about. As my chest is still sore its less painful when I leave it on show and don't cover it....also the cold air is soothing for it..... why on earth do people feel the need to constantly stare at me? Its hard enough getting used to a scar without narrow minded people making you feel worse :(

3 Comments

Hi from the UK

by Janey L - 2014-01-28 01:01:53

Hi Nellie
I too am in the UK, just outside London in a town called Carshalton. I am 51.

You are doing really well to be out walking already, well done. From my own experience, my scar faded really well over time & is now barely visible. Also, strange though this may sound, I do even forget the PM is there at all....& I'm classed as PM dependent with no AV node (due to ablation), but I do have an underlying rhythm so am not totally dependent. Anyway, too much technical detail for you at this early stage....but I just wanted to let you know it does all get better over time. It's early days for you. Take it one day at a time, keep up the
walking.....& don't worry about other people. Easier said than done, I know.

Whereabouts in the UK are you?

Do ask any questions you may have, there is so much to take in at first I know.

Good luck & best wishes
Janey

Hi Nellie......

by Tattoo Man - 2014-01-28 02:01:06


..........so,..its been about four days since your PM was implanted.

I think that at any age having this procedure has its emotional impact..being a 25 year old 'girly' is pretty likely to make adjustment that bit more tricky .

I can understand that you leave your chest on show for comfort. At four days in, can we take it that your dressing will still be on view ?

People are naturally inquisitive...we all do it...there is something in the brain that makes people slow down at car crashes...wonder at an amputee..all such things.

Mrs TM is a Psychology Teacher and tells me that this natural curiosity has something to do with our own sense of mortality and fragility...so we stare..often trying not to get 'caught out', because then we feel embarrassed ourselves. So..people are behaving naturally when confronted with something outside their experience.

My hunch is that they, secretly, want to ask you about it..we all like an answer to a mystery.

When, after your wound is healed up and it becomes all but invisible there is a fair chance that you will not get stared at.

This is quite likely your first 'Battle Scar', and as such will take a little time to get used to. Dealing with your sense of 'ugliness' will happen in its own good time...some people give their PMs a name..!

Get used to looking at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you have been made better..you are now officially...

Super-Nellie

Take care

Tattoo Man East Midlands UK

scars

by Tracey_E - 2014-01-28 07:01:52

1. You are not ugly. I don't even know what you look like, but beauty is on the inside and you are what you project.

2. People probably aren't looking as much as you think they are.

3. Even if they are staring, it's their problem NOT YOURS. They're probably more curious/concerned/sympathetic than narrow minded, no one wants to see someone young and healthy with a fresh surgery scar. Politely smile and look them in the eye. You can choose to ignore it and keep walking, face it head on and tell them what it is, or (my favorite) make up a really cool story.

4. A year from now, it'll probably look like no more than a scratch. Five years from now you'll barely be able to find it. Twenty years from now, you won't really care. My own attitude about superficial things changed significantly with age.

YOU ARE NOT UGLY!!! Don't belittle yourself, you are more than one little scar.

You know you're wired when...

You have rhythm.

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