One Year Ago Today

• by Reboot1212
• 2013-12-04 09:12:53
• General Posting
• 1047 views
• 3 comments

I became a member of the pacemaker club when I received "Sparky" due to 3rd degree heart block at age 57. I had entered the ER in "grave condition" (terrible choice of words there) after several episodes of fainting spells and slight chest discomfort. No apparent cause; just "happened". I spent the night with wires and tubes everywhere, eyes wide open, watching the heart rate monitor dip deep into the twenties. With a crash cart hooked up to me all night, fortunately they never had to fire up the pads. What I remember most was that I needed to use the rest room. When I finally got up the nerve to ask the nurse if I could take a bathroom break, she looked at me with all my wires and tubes like I was nuts. Then she brought the bed pan. Between that and the hospital gown, I figured my dignity was the least of my worries.

The doctor came in to see me at about 7am, saying he had good news and bad news. The good news was they knew exactly what was wrong. The bad news was I was going home with a pacemaker - which really wasn't that bad. He said the only other choice was not a choice. Without a pacemaker, the fainting spells would continue, except that onetime -anytime- I wouldn't wake up. With the pacemaker, I would return to a normal life in very short order. Deal. Where do I sign.

That afternoon, they installed Sparky just under my clavicle bone on my left side. I don't remember a thing. Having been awake all night before, I slept through the whole thing. I remember waking up in recovery. What woke me up was the strangest unfamiliar 'tapping' inside my chest. It was the most terrifying and comforting sensation at the same time. Then I realized it was not a dream. I opened my eyes to see my pastor talking to my wife. Satisfied I wasn't in a funeral parlor, I said, "Boy, am I glad to see you".

I was soon in a regular hospital room with my left arm in a sling, they gave me something to eat, put an ice bag on my shoulder and kept an eye on me until the next morning. The EP came with his laptop, did some tests and adjusted the settings (so the tapping went away) and I was briefed by the cardio on the few recovery restrictions. Less than twenty four hours after the procedure, I was home.

The early days were a mix of gratefulness, self pity, bewilderment, renewal, doubt, resolve, confusion. Mostly questions without answers. Why me? Why am I still here? Why was I spared? What did I do wrong? What's next? How long do I have? What if this? What if that? Is there anyone else wondering these things.

Thankfully, I found the Pacemaker Club. I am not alone. I can be helped and I can help.

Four months after returning to work, my position was eliminated and I lost a good paying job. My PM experience helped me keep things in perspective. Fortunately, my wife is still working and we have her insurance. I been conducting a daily job search for the past eight months and have submitted nearly a hundred applications. I'm not ready for the rocking chair - I never planned on retiring before 70. But I'm starting to realize I may have to reinvent myself and be my own boss. at what I don't know, but whatever it is, it's got to be relevant. After all, I've been given a second chance.

So, in the spirit of the season - God bless us, everyone!