making my wife understand

I have had my pacemaker for about 7 months now and i dont know why but my wife seems to think that all the tiredness and other things are just in my head or something but it is really about to tear our marridge apart. on top of this i havent been able to find work since i was in construction my entire life i have no job prospects and we are in a very situation and all i can think of is that if i wouldnt have gotten sick then we would still be in our house and i just dont feel like i serve a purpose anymore..... i feel like a shell of my former self and i am getting more and more depressed and would like some advice from any one that is willing to help.

6 Comments

second opinion

by Tracey_E - 2012-12-18 01:12:26

It's time to talk to another dr! No one needs that condescending attitude. And perhaps go back to your gp and see if they can find anything else going on.

who knows

by tibo1980 - 2012-12-18 01:12:35

i have gone back to the doc several times and i keep getting told i just need to get used to the pm and its in my head so i am trying to find a better doctor and get a second opinion and i am wondering if there is something else going on and the low heart rate is just a side effect or somthing. i have spacifically asked about adjustment and they keep giving me the speech that im not a doc and that it is a complicated process... just frustrated with life and joping it gets better.

thanks to all who lend a helping hand

Depression is NOT "feeling sorry for yourself"!

by agelbert - 2012-12-18 02:12:34

I have had similar symptoms that you have. Don't let ANYONE tell you that you are "feeling sorry for yourself". You may be experiencing clinical depression and suicidal ideation. This can be treated with medication. Consult a doctor and, previous to the appointment, describe, in writing (just copy and paste what you have written here AND the comments so your doctor can explain what is going on in your biochemistry) all your negative feelings. I have a pacemaker and am a former pilot and retired air traffic controller. Believe me, I KNOW what it is like to feel washed up. It doesn't go away with some silly "power of positive thinking" pap some compassion and reality challenged individuals may spout to you. They may mean well but they are dead wrong! Treat your depression as an illness, not a failing.

As to your job prospects, google solar and wind energy jobs. It is the fastest growing field in the USA for people with experience in construction. Installing PV panels or erecting wind generators requires knowledge you already have in construction.

Good luck and God Bless you and your wife. She is afraid. Tell her you never were what you 'did for a living'; you are the person that loves her and needs her to get through this. I'm praying for you both.


why?

by Tracey_E - 2012-12-18 12:12:25

Have you been back to the dr to see why you aren't feeling better? Some drs are better than others at fine tuning the pm so we feel better and it's common to take a few tries to get it right. If your only problem was low hr, if your heart is otherwise healthy, then they should be able to get you feeling good enough to continue with construction. Did they specifically say you can't? Have you been back for follow up or had additional tests to see why you are still so tired?

If you are falling into a depression, that is a disease, it needs treatment, it does not go away on its own. Is there someone you can talk to?

Never feel guilty for getting sick. To be blunt, sh*t happens, it's not our fault. Did you ask to get sick? Probably not, so don't beat yourself up that it happened.

It's sad your wife is not being more supportive, but on the other hand we can only help ourselves. She needs to understand that we all heal at different rates, that sometimes the emotional healing is as hard, if not harder, than the physical. It all takes time. Ditto hurtheart's "Some times you just have to get up, out and moving, then things fall into place." Things will get better. Sometimes we can't see it when we're in the middle of it, but it will get better. Sometimes the first step is fighting back.

Been there

by surprisedlv - 2012-12-19 02:12:46

My PM was unexpective after a botched ablation 1.5yrs ago. I was active, thin, playing golf. I hadand still do have problems with retrograde conduction and have had the PM settings adjusted many many times. One way my HR is too fast 140-190, other way my BP is in 70;s. I have tried diff variations of meds and have gotten a 2nd consult. I am still working my job in a hospital but definitely have had my shared timeoff and no energy at work. It has affected us financially at times. But on to your other issue: yes this has affected my husband and our relationship too. He has just filed for divorce. I am 5yrs older than him (51) and his mother started to point out how ailing i was. His support dwindled and he started doing activities i couldnt do (i can golf slow with a cart but not his 18).Your wife will do what she wants. But it is truly hard for someone to understand EVERYTHING that has changed in your life. I do not feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for the people that dont understand. This is something we didnt choose. Go back to school, do something with less physical. Be with more people. You are stilol worth it.

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Member Quotes

I have a well tuned pacer. I hardly know I have it. I am 76 year old, hike and camp alone in the desert. I have more energy than I have had in a long time. The only problem is my wife wants to have a knob installed so she can turn the pacer down.