Dating?

Opinions, please. I am just starting to date again after being divorced for two years. I am finding that as soon as I tell the guy I have a pacemaker they get weird and don't want to talk to me again. This has happened on more than one occasion. Please explain this to me, as I am dumbfounded.

11 Comments

euphes.....................

by Tattoo Man - 2013-01-20 01:01:38


................Dear old Michael once sang "I dont want to spend the rest of my life being a colour"

Just maybe, some of us "Spend our lives being a Pacemaker"

Euphes..you are a woman first and a computer second.

Keep it to yourself and work out if they really deserve you for the first bit...Real Men can handle the truth....later.

Tattoo Man

Maybe the Guys think that if you have a built-in computer on board, that makes you WAY smarter than they are !!!!!

concerns

by mtulau - 2013-01-20 02:01:18

To have a pacemaker means there is a problem. Not having all info they don't realise it is less of a problem than had you not had the pm. Possibly they are protecting themselves from what they see as your health problems later in the relationship, and all that involves in various situations. Some probably would seek a girl they see as in good health if looking for a future partner.

pacer

by daisy41763@yahoo.com - 2013-01-20 02:01:38

I feel for you, i got married to a childhood friend 3 years ago. he's real accepting of my icd. Im on my second devuce now. If, I had to date again. God forbid. I don't think I would put myself through that. I was single 15 yrs befor I remarried. I wouldn't tell the man., I consider that a need to know basis information only. If, things get serious and he's soneone you would be consider a permanent thing. Only, then would I share. Just my opinion.

Favor

by ebfox - 2013-01-20 03:01:56

Hi Euphes,

Lots of good advice in this thread-

One thing, if a guy bails early on you because of your PM, he is actually doing you a favor because you deserve somebody better than that. Don't get a bunch of time invested in somebody that undependable.

Besides, PM women ROCK and don't you forget it-

EB

Yeah!

by ohiolaura - 2013-01-20 05:01:40

We women do rock! Well said.
Here's my take,not that Im single,but if I were,if there was someone interesting,and I told them about the Pm, I'd put a spin on it,making me different from others,and with a way stronger ticker!
Make it out to be an asset,not a liability,youre different,but also special.My husband isnt wierded out about mine( 6 months now)and neither am I,kinda makes me feel stronger and more in control!
You are special,and here for a reason,find someone worthy of you for these reasons,who appreciates your special qualities,no matter what they are.Others,show them the door!

friends don't what to know me.

by climber - 2013-01-20 08:01:19

Before I had a PM fitted in 2010, I was a rock climber & mountain walker etc. Had a few good friends I climbed with, but as soon as I got the PM fitted, I've never seen them. They just didn't inclued me in their plans, even now, when I no longer have the PM, they think of me as some sort of high risk. It's them that's at fault.

Morning!

by sue uk - 2013-01-20 08:01:34

l have been with my partner for only 3yrs & when we got together l was "waiting" for news as to whether l needed a PM.
l had known him for many years as he owned the shop next to where l worked & although he knew l had heart problems he also knew l didnt let my health rule my life.
What l am trying to say is dont let your health be the main issue in your life, you are "you" first & your health problems are just a part of you. l think sometimes we blame our PM's for everything, things like " oh l have a cold" its cos l have a PM! "oh l have broken a nail" its cos l have a PM .......................No its not !!!
Same when you are dating, maybe you are blaming your PM if things dont work out & l am pretty sure its not your PM & if it is then maybe they are not the right people to get involved with anyway?
I know dating is daunting but it should be fun too,there is no reason for you to mention your PM until you think the time is right,show them that you can lead a pretty near normal life & then it shouldnt be such an issue for them.
As l said l was very lucky,l wasnt even looking for "someone" but it happened & l am happier than l have ever been, so go out have fun & maybe don't look too hard because you may be lucky like me & it will "just happen"
Good luck !!!
Sue x

It's in our genes .I don't mean Levi's

by IAN MC - 2013-01-20 10:01:23

Hi euphes... I believe that ,like all animals , we are genetically programmed to select a mate who will be strong and produce healthy offspring.

Having a PM, quite illogically, labels us as being rather dubious people to mate with. My wife tells me this every night in bed !

Seriously though ,Sue uk spoke a lot of sense as did mtulau and Daisy. Don't tell them until they can 't live without you !


Best of luck

Ian

oh so complicated

by Hope - 2013-01-20 12:01:43

Hi! Some things to consider.,..... Are you sharing your device exists because you are focused on it, feel guilty for not sharing or you want those around you to know so if you should need help? Once you decide why, you can stdrt to decide how and when. Let your demeanor and wording show you are glad to have the diagnosis/device to move on with your life. It is much harder to understand/relate to that which is not so visible as a broken leg, etc.. Some do not have the ability to understand/cope. You cannot let them define who you are. Go forward and show them what you can do or leave them in your past. I wish you love and happiness. Hopeful Heart

My be scary - as you are Bionic!!

by Ramnarayan - 2013-01-21 10:01:49

Hi Lady,

Lot of sound advice, you got already.

I am 65, into my 2nd PM. I never felt I was different with the 1st one - except when soaping my self,

My advice - just forget you have the PM.

And if the topic does come up - you are what you are!! Best a great lady living YOUR life.
Worst - you are bionic person!! To hell with the rest!!

In India, my generation didnt date!!! Can't help you much there :0

Have great time and wishing you a genuine guy pretty soon

RN

Date a Cardio!

by Yakkwak - 2013-01-26 02:01:52

Seriously. Had one (and only one) (blind) date with a cardiologist. My PM surely didn't faze him one bit. His inappropriate, ungentlemanly behavior, however, certainly fazed me. Should have carried a stun gun LOL. Moral of this sick story - someone educated about your PM won't let a little hunk of metal/plastic stand in his way.
PS, keep an eye on the hands at all times. ;-0

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