expressing true feelings

i am glad to see that more people are expressing their true feelings. a lot of people are scared and lonely and unsure of what today will bring. one word from a member might keep this persons faith up . instead of degrading them for 'feeling sorry for themselves or pittying themselves'' we should open our minds and our hearts to them. none of of know what goes on in a persons life or how much they have been through or how hopeless they feel. we're not just here for pep talks and telling people to shape up or ship out. we're here for support. i find that the majority of the members are this way. they show a true compassion to the members, yet there are some that are a littlle condensending and sarcastic. perhaps we should realize all our situations are not the same you may be doing wonderful with the treatments you receive when others are not. i have been told by one member that i was irresponsible because i had made the comment that i was ready to just stop taking my meds because they would not help and just give it to GOD instead of support i was cut down. thank GOD 99 percent of our members are compassionate and caring. i also have a question while im on a roll here. i have been on lanoxin for 10 months now and my cardio tells me i dont need a level unless i have symptons of toxcity. is this wise? i am in afib the majority of the time with a pacemaker have had one ablation.

12 Comments

I had same impression

by Ashregan - 2009-10-04 03:10:25

I agree with you Pattycake, in this club, most people appear to be exceptionally helpful, judicious, and courteous in their comments. I've also gotten some very good information from the Pacemaker site.

For myself, I've only been reading this board (and sporadically) since the summer when I got my pacemaker. But I have to say, in that time period, there have been exchanges that I've read that make me cring (is that spelled right?).

And I find I'm cringing not only for the occasional vulnerable poster who is expressing what I know is going to be an "unpopular" opinion about activities, meds or devices. But also for the "usual suspects" who reply, seemingly thinking they're something akin to Doctor Laura or Dr. Phil, with some kind of a mandate to "straighten out" any incorrect reaction.

For what it's worth, the info that this type of respondent flings at the poster doesn't seem to me to always be right on-target either, often if not dead wrong, at least a simplification of a complex issue or a response without all the facts. Issues such as whether to use medications or to implant an ICD (or remove one) are complex, mult-dimensional, and for the most part not amenable to discussions in which people rhetorically aggrandize their own personal experience, rhetorically stamp their feet, or call upon an immediate religious conversion to carry the day. Well, as I say, like they think they're doing "drive-in" counseling on the radio or something.

I'm in a field in which I often work with people in crisis, health-wise or other, who are at a point in their lives at which they are easily shaken by harsh, ridiculing pronouncements from someone with more assurance than knowledge. it's fine for most of us, we can ignore silly rhetoric or hit back if the urge strikes us. But that's just not true for many people who are really coping with their identity being shattered at that moment. Really, I find that for that reason, I hesitate to recommend these kinds of internet help boards to many clients.

Anne

True Feelings

by Pookie - 2009-10-04 06:10:37

Well, I totally agree with Pattycake....we don't know what else is going on in someone's life (unless they tell us) and all I can say is that I come on here every day to see if I can help where I can and I sure hope I've never offended anyone, and if I did, I apologize.

I have had a very hard time not only with my pacemaker since 2004 but with a slew of other ailments but thru this awesome site not only have I met some wonderful people but I've also been given some good advice too. Just knowing that there are people here that care what happens to me is almost hard to describe in words.

I'm not here for people to pity me or feel sorry for me, I come here because I know I'm not alone with my many issues. And I am not afraid to share with anyone what I feel on a daily basis which is anger, frustration, etc with my problems, I also cry (a lot) every day BUT somehow, some day it will be my turn and things will get better for me. I have hope and encourage others never to give up.

Just pause for a moment and think where would we all be if we didn't have this precious website!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can only speak for myself, but it's been a lifesaver for sure.

But the best part is I've met many wonderful people here that have become very dear to me and for that I am truly grateful.

Thanks to Blake for making this all possible.

Pookie

Fragile Feelings

by Blueaustralia - 2009-10-04 08:10:20

When I got my pm I felt it was the end of the world. For many reasons. I felt damaged and lonely and became very sensitive and suffered deep deep depression. Indeed my family had been totally ignorant of the fact that I was so ill and I felt as if no one in the world cared about me.

After my pm implant I came home and wondered:What next? I found this pm site/club which was one big step and gave me something to grip onto. I was still very fragile emotionally and was even called "mad" at one stage, by a member of my family.

I had seen advertisement in our local paper for GROW Meetings. Plucking up courage one day, I went. That was nearly three years ago. I have just come back from a community camp that was run over the weekend.

There are a lot of things in life that can rock our psyche
and for those who are feeling as I did, I say please hang in there. I learn't to avoid those who upset me, ignore the remarks that rattled me and gradually clawed my way back to feeling whole again. This was my way of doing things and I think it saved my life.

To all those who feel miserable, there are those out there who have felt or feel the same you are not alone.
I guess there are many stories that members can relate as to how they crawled back to positiveness in their lives. May be we could share them.

GROW can be googled by just doing that. There may be a branch near you. It was just my way of coping and helping myself. Remember you alone can do it but you can't do it alone. Supporting hugs to all

Billie

Carolyn65

by Carolyn65 - 2009-10-04 08:10:28

This PM Club has been most supportive to all I have read comments from & the ones who wrote comments to all the other members, especially, I feel blessed to have found such honest, good, sincere advise from people who share in some of the same common denominators as A LOT of us do ~ ~ As in all phases of life ~ there will always be one or two persons who are negative/crude/rude who make us sometime "cringe" ~ BUT, I feel we all have a lot of really good days with a few bad days tossed in to "gently remind" us we are not "perfect" ~ AND ~ like you said, pattycake, NONE of us really knows for sure what goes on in EACH of our inner/private lives ~ ~ I take one day at a time & am Blessed to be able to wake up each morning (& wiggle my toes one more day) ~ ~ Please forgive us to anyone we offend or hurt or say "cringing" things to ~ the day will be full of sunshine tomorrow ~ pattycake, love yourself first ~ then know there are a WHOLE lot of people who appreciate YOU and love you ~ ( :

Comment

by ElectricFrank - 2009-10-05 01:10:09

I may be one of the ones you are referring to and if so I accept it. Just so people will understand where I come from, there are plenty of folks on the forum who are understanding of what you are going through, and I respect them. There is also a need for some firmer suggestions and that is my nature. And by the way I need the same thing myself at times. I was fortunate to have had a wonderful wife for 48 years who on several occasions told me to quit feeling sorry for myself. I didn't like it, but she was right.

So, take my suggestions if they fit you and ignore them if they don't. And I am concerned about your feelings. If I wasn't I wouldn't respond.

frank

I like you too Frank

by Hot Heart - 2009-10-05 03:10:14

And we all deal with our problems in many different ways, what works for one doesnt always work for another one. You take care! HH

right on frank.

by jessie - 2009-10-05 03:10:49

sometimes there are peole who do not like what is said. i have been one of them. then i hang out with my husband of 46 years soon and i see him coping with a whole long line of things and then take a four week job in rio.i myself do not have this courage.there was a time. he is so totally wrappped up in worrying about what he is doing that he doesn't worry about himself. patch and i have discussed him. now there is a guy you gotta watch that patch. he has a whole lot of things on the go. so lets us please be kind when we feel it is warranted and unkind when someone is experiencing the poor me's. i say okay you got one day to come back here focusing on positive. take care everyone. love you;all maureen aka as jessie p.s. i realize some people are really sick and take more than one day to cry but please cry it just makes you all stuffy and awful

also billie

by jessie - 2009-10-05 03:10:53

billie is stuck out in tasmania. never mind she likes the sheeps and lambs.she has had many life dealings to deal wiith and yet she found thiis group and helped everyone and then went out and joined and is area director of grow a group started to help people.patch is in some groups too. they teach heart patients what not to do. we all needed that years ago but he was young out running and doing the same thing as we were. but that is gone so why cry. we thought we doing okay as we were at the time till damage was done. my biggest hope is that a lot more people are doing more like this. that i am doing more. everytime i try to get out to volunteer but then i get sick so i am going to shoot for two weeks. take care everyone love, you all maureen aka jessie

Me again

by Blueaustralia - 2009-10-05 05:10:42



I like what came out of all this. How we all cope and how we all react. Remember deep down we care and have respect for each other and express things only the way we can.

I care deeply for all my fellow pm members. Yes hugs are healing. The joy of Jessie and Kay and Pookie and all the others who post. I will put a long post up soon but am struggling with a lot of things this week.Take care ,.Talk to you soon with all my news.

Cheers fro Oz Billie

I Like the Cockail

by wenditt - 2009-10-05 07:10:21

I am new to the site. Have had pm for 3 weeks. But I really like the "cocktail' of people here. Some reach out and send me hugs, hallmark statements, and the "just breaths..." And I need them sometimes as everyone in my family knows about my pm....but unlike you guys no one has one.

But also in this cocktail are the statements that say "damn it Wenditt- if you continue down this road you will drive yourself nuts". I need to hear that too...for the exact same reason I need the hugs.

Nobody EVER told me there would be a psychological healing process to the pm....nobody but you guys. And thank gosh you did because I am neck deep in it and this is where I turn.

At least I have a place to turn. Think about all the other things people deal with, but they have no where to turn.

So for me...I like the hugs and the tough love....but everyone is different.

I have thanked everyone who has commented on my posts in the past but I never thanked ALL the people who read them. I appreciate it.I know I get up every morning and pop in here to see if I can help....I am not in this as long as some others but if only I could return the favor.....

Good luck everyone

Well said!

by GMan - 2009-10-05 08:10:17

Patty!

I will not tell anyone about me(except on here) I don't want to be coddled or treated as something less than alive. Unless they corner me, I don't bring it up.

Gary

Thanks

by ElectricFrank - 2009-10-05 11:10:03

I appreciate the comments either way. It isn't that I don't understand feelings. I helped my wife recover from a serious stroke (they all are) in 1999, and provided love, support, help, and kicks in the pants to her. She made an excellent recovery. Then in 2007 after she died I started my own process of dealing with it. Just a few days ago I spent looking at old photo's and videos of her and spending several hours crying. This isn't something that I wanted sympathy for..it was very constructive work.

That's the other side of me and I like it.

best to all,

frank

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