Well its been

6 months since my bypass and almost 5 months since my defib/pm insertion. The realization of not being able to go back to work is I guess finally sinking in and hitting pretty hard, I have been feeling a bit down for the last few days, yesterday went outside to pick up a few sticks off the ground and could not believe I got winded, I went back in the house and was so depressed thinking that this happened. I felt like crying. I as some may rememeber was trying for stem cell reasearch study hoping it would reginerate my dead heart muscle, well they call and tell me that they are doing a study for regineartion of vessels in the heart and not heart muscle damage regineration, that to be considered they want me at my cost to have another cath, I asked her why should I pay for a cath which I cant because of no job to reginerate vessels which is why I had my chest split open in Aug. I told her to tell the doctor thanks but no thanks. Oh well maybe I wasnt supposed to go thru all thier tests this quick after surgery, I cant stand to think of the alternitive which awaits me down the road tho. God I feel like throwing something. well enough from the whinning section, but I need to get these feeling out it is starting to scare me.

4 Comments

hey you....

by pacergirl - 2009-03-06 08:03:01

Hi walkerd, so I see you are feeling down today.... well, some days are like that. I can only speak for myself, but I have those days as well. I try hard to "get myself out of it" but it just seems that there are days where I just feel sad and breathless. uhmmmmm you have done the right thing... you have sent out a message to those who understand... We are here for you.
It is too bad about the study and that you can't be a part of it. Maybe it wouldn't have been good for you? There could be something better in store for you? It could be that you have a path that will take you to an even better study with even better results? I don't know the future, but I know that you are a wonderful person with a wonderful family. They love you! I can't say that I do (he he) but I certainly care about you! (just my sick sense of humor) Spring is almost here... hang in there the sunshine is coming.
I hope you feel better soon,
Pacergirl

yes

by jessie - 2009-03-06 10:03:54

when you're weary feeling down. i love that song. it restores my equilibrium. i know tho the awful feeling upon wakening that all is not right and all seems dark. i look at my two adult children and see strengths in them that i never thought i instilled. this means they are coping with what is. this to me is the biggest strength a parent can give. they both outshine me and their father. i am proud to be a small part of their lives. i love the pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again. i am starting to feel human again after this whole month of being sick. my muscle strength is improving. what more can i ask for? i live for cabbage patch's posts hehe jessie

Dave

by BillMFl - 2009-03-06 11:03:55

I know its difficult, but try to think positive. The body can heal itself over time and the heart can improve function. You may not get back to the good old days, but if you can get to the point where you can enjoy this bonus time with your family, etc it will be wortrh it. Little steps at first can lead to a long journey!


Bill

Thank you my friends

by walkerd - 2009-03-07 06:03:31

patch patch I love ya man, in three sentences you had me laughing, your to much buddy, keep it up is all i can say and thanks. Thank you to all my friends on here you are all so right, I do thank god that Im still here, to enjoy my wife. my two fantastic daughters, my best friend and almost constant companion Ozzy the rottiewiller. And I also thank god for leading me to this site. You know watching all the unkind acts that fellow humans are inflicting on each other on the news all the time it is refreshing to find a group in one little web site with such great charector (god Blake please oh please get a spell checker on here so I dont look like such a moron.) to go out of thier ways to help strangers. But end up as friends. I shouldnt feel sorry for myself which i know is only human because there are more poor souls in far worse conditions than I have.
I just want to thank alll of you for being here and befriending me when I need friendship, an ear to bend, and helping each other with fits of depression to our conditions.
thanks again
your friend
dave

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Like the Energizer Bunny, you keep going.

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