I'm lost!!

I am new to this and this is my first posting..my defibrillator was implanted about a month ago with absolutely no warning signs or previous indications or complications. I am also fairly young (30) and was so happy to find this website. Just to know there are other people going throught the same things. To make matters worse, my boyfriend broke up with me while I was in the hospital saying that he couldn't handle this drama. I lost all my friends (who I guess weren't really friends to begin with) cause I don't go out really anymore and I can't drink. Honestly I'm feeling a little sorry for myself right now, I just feel so alone. I know it's wrong and I should be greatful I'm alive and there are people out there in way worse situations..but I'm just trying to be truthful. Anyways, when I first went into arrythmia (sp?) at the hospital, the pains actually began and continued on the right side of my chest. Now I am getting those same pains and cannnot take in a whole breath with out extreme pain. My lung capacity is at about 50%. I am going to see my cardiologist today , but was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similiar? I guess I just don't know what's normal with this thing stuffed in my chest, if I should worry about every little thing or if the stress is just making it worse. Thanks=)

11 Comments

enjoy life

by winesap - 2008-05-27 02:05:48

Life is fragile - we all must deal with the cards we are dealt. Results are unpredictable and "friends" can be fickle. I'm 58 but have been dealing with heart issues since my early 20s. Fortunately I've been able to find supporting friends and I have a wonderful family. There is a huge psychological burden to all this that you need to recognize and figure out how to deal with. I think you will also find humor and irony where you least expect it. My best friend during my 20's - we would do things like go skiing together and he recognized my limitations but made no big deal of it. He was an amazing athlete - especially when compared to me. He also literally dropped dead from a congenial heart defect when he was 33. To this day, I miss him terribly but also have to smile at the irony every time I think of him. He did not see his daughters grow up and so many other things that have happened over the last 25 years. During that period my heart issues have continued to worsen but I still bicycle commute, hike, play Frisbee - all at my own pace of course. Cherish what you have - there are worse alternatives.

Welcome!

by candi51 - 2008-05-27 02:05:49

Hello!!
I am 31 and am scheduled to receive my ICD on Monday (the 2nd). I have met SO many wonderful people on this site and SO many of them our age too so please please don't feel alone. There is a ton of great info available. Even though alot of it is not related to my heart condition it is so wonderful to be able to talk to people who have "been there, done that" so to speak. Chat is a blast and it always makes me feel better when I am feeling alone.
I'm always up for talking!
Hugs-
Candi

Another slutation

by joy1 - 2008-05-27 02:05:53

"Honestly I'm feeling a little sorry for myself right now, I just feel so alone. I know it's wrong and I should be greatful I'm alive and there are people out there in way worse situations..but..." but what! You have a right to feel sorry for yourself even if there are other people worse off than you. Right now is your time and you have been through a huge ordeal. Don't belittle what you have and continue to go through!

As for the drinking thing and going out. It may be that after your system has adjusted to all the meds you'll be able to have A drink, maybe two but be careful with the alcohol and med interactions. As for going out? You'll do that again too. Again, it mat take some time for you to get your feet back under you and you may not be able to do all the things you used to do. Then again you maybe able to do even more. Just give yourself a chance to heal. Heart disease is on the inside and invisible to the rest of the world, even to us but it's very real and it's effects are very real and frustrating. Be patient with yourself. Your not alone, there are lots of us out here. well over a million worldwide and we do understand and have sponges built into our shoulders as pads for our devices ~wink~ so do some crying with us and you'll find some laughter too.

As for losing your bf. I gave mine the boot while I was laying in ICU with my heart attack. Best decision of my life (there had been abuse involved). And friends...well the true ones are there and they may not even be the ones you've met yet. and the rest...well, it's hard for alot of people, particularly younger people to confront their mortality and your illness makes them do that. Try to find kindness for their humanity.

hugz,
Joy

Welcome!!!

by NH - 2008-05-27 02:05:59

Welcome to the Pacemaker Club. You will find support here. Please ask all the questions you like, someone among us will know or can find out the answer.

We are glad to have you. Did you fill out your bio. sheet?

Join in and post and get to know the site.

Take care,
NH

Hello my New Friend

by gldoble - 2008-05-27 07:05:57

Brooklyn,

Welcome. I too am and have been lost. I have been given extra time to do something but what I do not know yet. Recently, I had experieced some heavy losses myself and have found honestly a number of very supportive people here. And as in life some that are very calus. They have both helped me and pointed me in the right diretction to get my collective S#&* back into a single sock.

Yes it hurts, yes it sucks, but at the end of it all we are here. For some reason. I wish I could offer more than hope, becuase I am going though the same myself. And now is a full year after my implant.

So we go on, and in order to overcome ourselves and our fears we must relay on two facts. The sun will come up tomorrow and for one reason or another so will we.

Something that I was made to understand this past weekend after my own breakdown was; there is help out there and its only a matter of following though on it.

We are here, we are for each other, and we will continue.

Hang tuff my new freind, I and all of us will be there for you.

Greg

Hi

by Peter.Nash - 2008-05-27 09:05:56

Hi Brooklynn,
you have come to the right place here ..you will find plenty of friends and a wealth of advice... and realise that you are not lost at all.
Hang in there Peter.N

I HAVE!!!

by tpod - 2008-05-27 10:05:01

i have TOTALLY experienced something like this!

i went into the hospital on a saturday unable to breathe deeply. it felt like every time i tried to breathe at all, someone was in there punching my right ribcage. awful! they never did come up with a diagnosis for it, but they kept me in the freakin' hospital for a week. i'm SO SORRY you have this pain -- and i very much wish i had something to tell you, like 'in my case it was a...' but they just don't know yet.

i got my pacemaker back in february, and honey, i have never gone out so much!! it takes a while to get used to feeling better, and quite honestly, most of the time right now, i DON'T feel better -- but that's because i also have AF, and am awaiting correctional surgery for that. but i still go out. i allow myself one beer, and then i drink water. i sing karaoke, and hang out with my friends, and i force myself to have fun..and before i know it, i'm having a ball, and paying very little attention to the fact that my pacemaker has gone off a couple of times. as long as i don't feel faint, i tend not to worry too much...and i ALWAYS remember to take my meds. don't you let this pacemaker thing get you down.

you know what i think about your boyfriend breaking up with you? you don't need him. if this is what he calls DRAMA, then you are way better off. this brought me and the love of my life closer...and we're not even together! it continues to do the same, every single day. he and i have never had such a deep bond! you will find someone with whom you can share this, i know it...even if that dip wasn't it.

chin up, sweetie. and contact me any time.

theprincessofdoom@gmail.com (just put pacemaker in the subject somewhere, so i'll read it. heh.)

good luck!

Welcome Brooklynn!!

by harley63 - 2008-05-27 10:05:04

Brooklynn~

We are so thrilled that you are here with us. You will find tons of information and support on the PM site. Please take note of the search function in the grey bar across the top of the site. And if you can't find what your looking for, just write to us and ask. Many important answers and clues to my daily life have been discovered right here with these wonderful people!

Greg said it so wonderfully.. "We are here, we are for each other, and we will continue".... you my new friend, Brooklynn, are never alone!

Take care, let us know how you are and drop me a line anytime.

Harley63
P.S. I'm a lady so don't let the screen name fool you.

The way you are feeling is normal!

by allanrogers - 2008-05-27 12:05:39

It gets easier

nobody warns you about the phsychological effect of having a pacemaker I have had mine since last october and it is only on odd days that i can go a couple of hours without thinking about it .But i guess my best advice to you is to set yourself challenges and everything will get easier and also this site has been a wealth of knowledge for me .If i am honest i do hate having a pacemaker but then I am truly grateful as well as i am still here but i have had to re learn my approach to life.I am going to enroll in a gymn tomorrow and try and go swimming three times a week.

good luck and like the other peoples advice the very most important thing is to stay positive

kind regards

Allan (42 ) Edinburgh

Hi

by Shelly - 2008-05-28 08:05:29

Welcome Brooklyn,

I'm 37 and it IS a big shock to have to face something like this so, as others have said, try not to be too hard on yourself for feeling down - it does get better and this site is great for support.

Take care,

Shelly (UK)

brooklynn

by jessie - 2008-05-28 12:05:06

hi welcome to this site. here we are a group of just wonderful people who have an array of strengths and weaknesses. from us you will recieve and be part of a huge support system and be able to relate to for the rest of your life. in a strange way we are lucky to have found this site because there are many people out there struggling and have no support group. so we are first strangers and then friends. probably we are the best friends you could ever know. we cut to the chase and then are a great support. so welcome again. we are here for you jessie

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In fact after the final "tweaks" of my pacemaker programming at the one year check up it is working so well that I forget I have it.