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Ups and Downs
I was wondering if anyone experiences intermittent episodes of deep sadness after their PM. My PM was implanted in Feb '08 and paces me 100% in my bottom ventricles because of a complet heart block. I have had it adjusted a couple of times since. I seem to have long stretches of feeling really good- upbeat, high energy- my old self again (well, almost), and then a period of soul wretching sadness hits me. I know what feeling blue is, I have worked through depression in the past, but this is totally different. I am usually very positive and optimistic, even during the rough times, so this sensation of all encompassing sadness is unique.Should I just wait it out and chalk it up to the normal adjustment period?
Honestly, this sadness seems to be keeping me from doing things as much as my shortness of breath anf tiredness did prior to getting my PM...
Thanks
13 Comments
You're not alone...
by Swedeheart - 2008-04-11 01:04:28
Hello,
I am only on day 47 since implant. I have been told it is "normal" to have gloomy feelings sometimes. I think the advice above is accurate. We all "suffer" from this from time to time, we have had big changes and have to immediately deal with our own mortality face to face. If your feelings last more than a couple weeks and interfere with your daily living, definitely get help! If you don't want to "wait" to see if it is that long, no problem asking for help now! I have seen a therapist in the past to help dealing with extreme stress on the job and it really helped! Why have bad days if you can begin to work through them? My husband has been a heart patient for 7+ years and still has occasional times of depression, but they usually only last a few hours or a day and he can still "function".
This is part of our "package"... it isn't the fun part, but still better than the "alternative"...
Hang in there! Ask your doctor!
Swedeheart
This to shall pass
by kaka - 2008-04-11 01:04:43
Hi Pace50,
When I first had my Pm installed I think I was in shock....I couldn't believe that I was fine one minute and about to die the next.It took a good 6 months for the anxiety and depression to finally hit me. The Dr. explained that I was too busy trying to heal myself and get ready for the Christmas holidays to realise what had happened to me......When it hit me, it hit with full force. I could not believe that all I did was cry and withdraw in a shell(this is not my personality at all).My Dr prescribed Lexapro and in the same day I found this wonderful site......both have been lifesavers....I am back to being myself again both mentally and physcially. Don't be afraid to ask for help...you will be ok...it takes time.
Just know that we are all here for you.
Hang in there Sweetie,
Kathy
This to shall pass
by kaka - 2008-04-11 02:04:57
Hi Pace50,
When I first had my Pm installed I think I was in shock....I couldn't believe that I was fine one minute and about to die the next.It took a good 6 months for the anxiety and depression to finally hit me. The Dr. explained that I was too busy trying to heal myself and get ready for the Christmas holidays to realise what had happened to me......When it hit me, it hit with full force. I could not believe that all I did was cry and withdraw in a shell(this is not my personality at all).My Dr prescribed Lexapro and in the same day I found this wonderful site......both have been lifesavers....I am back to being myself again both mentally and physcially. Don't be afraid to ask for help...you will be ok...it takes time.
Just know that we are all here for you.
Hang in there Sweetie,
Kathy
Feeling Blue
by Blueaustralia - 2008-04-11 08:04:13
It is still early days. I say that it takes us longer to adjust to a pm than we are told by medicos etc. I do suffer from depression so know what it is like. After my pm I felt so sad. Couldn't explain the range of feelings. Like would I ever go back to my birth country again. How long would I live. etc etc. It wasn't helped by the fact that other than my husband not one of my family commented on my receiving a pm implant. So, I wasn't bowled over with get well cards and good wishes. When I found this site I realised one of the things contributing to my sadness was my inordinate lack of confidence. My pals here helped me and I met a friend interstate here in Australia. We have such a great friendship. and when we meet up we have such a happy time. I live out in the country in Australia and this site is my lifeline.
So, with time things will get better. I am on a very low dose antidepressant. Keep in touch with us all the members on this site are a great bunch and we have some lively conversations on chat when we catch each other. Pace well, be well, and sincere wishes Billie
sadness
by VonnieVern - 2008-04-11 08:04:58
Are you having complications related to your PM? If so those things need to be addressed, but even if you're not, for many of us having a PM takes us through some emotional and/or psychological changes. I suggest checking out the following websites to help assess whether or not you may be depressed, and following up with a physician if needed. People need varying levels of support to get through their adjustment period, this website has helped me a lot, but it is important that you get whatever level of help that you need. I'd previously been treated for depression and had been off antidepressants for years, but went back on one at about 2 months after my PM implantation.
Vonnie
http://www.lessons4living.com/depression_test2.htm
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm
Sudden change
by ElectricFrank - 2008-04-11 08:04:58
Any major change in feelings can jolt our system into some up's and downs. It happens after marriage, child birth, change of jobs, and... It doesn't need to be a negative change. It's kind of giving a pendulum a jolt..it swings for a while.
Unless it is really disabling I would really suggest avoiding the psychotropic meds that some "professionals" like to recommend. They may temporarily smooth out the swings, but they have some undesirable side effects.
My wife wrote a book "My Exciting Stroke" about her recovery and liked to sigh it "Keep your eye on the journey". She never dwelled on how good or how bad she was doing, but rather the road ahead,. bumps and all.
frank
picked on?
by bowlrbob - 2008-04-11 09:04:32
I felt picked on at first. I kept thinking why me. Why do I have to have a device to keep me alive. I just want to go back a month or two to the time I didn't need this foreign thing. Then it hit me I was sick for at least a year before my emergency surgery to implant the pacer. I am having my 2 and 1/2 year check up this next Monday. Now that some time has past I have never felt better. I think now I am past normal. I can and do what I want when I want. But the first year was pretty rough. Now I feel blessed after I accepted what happened to me. That what happened was not going to be changed, that I was not going back to before the pacer. That I would not want to go back I really felt like sh-t. The pacer world is great once you figure out that you have to play the cards you are dealt. Everything will be much better. Bowlrbob
We are fortunate
by ElectricFrank - 2008-04-11 10:04:40
It is interesting to walk through old cemetery's and look at the grave stones. Gives an idea what things were like in those "good old days" when we didn't have machines to keep us going. The number of people who died in their 20's and 30's.
frank
Transitions can trigger depression
by swilson10 - 2008-04-11 10:04:51
Without saying too much about what I do for a living, I will note that I have very specific training in the area of mental health and it is VERY normal for a significant life event (a pacemaker implantation would be one of them) to trigger a episode of major depressive disorder. Especially if you have previously been treated for a mood disorder. I would suggest you talk with your PCP about this if the symptoms become significant enough that they impact your relationships or your daily functioning.
Many people on this site talk about feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety and confusion. This would be the same in our support groups at the hospital and in other settings where people have gathered to get support around an area of chronic illness. There is no way to go through this life without feelings (and we wouldn't want to....think about how happy the happy times can be), it's what we do with those feelings that matters most. Don't be afraid to ask for help! And if you have had a good relationship with a mental health professional in the past it might be worth getting in touch with that person again.
Many blessings
Cardiac issues and depression
by PreciousDays - 2008-04-14 07:04:11
Some doctors are actually putting patients on antidepressants as a part of treatment for cardiac disease. Physically touching the heart in some way alters the body chemistry - which effects our seratonine levels. - That regulates our mood - appetite - and life drives. When the seratonin level is off - we don't feel okay - because we aren't okay. Talk to your doctor - You may want to work with a counselor as well. Often ones who work with grief as well as eating disorders (because they are familiar with the body dysmorphia we go through from the pacer and body changes) are helpful. There is a diagnosis for changes in mood related to major health issues (I might have the wording slightly off) - the short answer is - yes - it's normal to have these feelings - but it is also treatable. - good luck and God bless - PD
Depression
by djmann - 2008-04-20 06:04:24
Never experiencing the "blues" to the degree I had after receiving my pacemaker implant 5 years ago for 3rd degree heartblock, I searched for reasons, since I do not metabolize synthetic meds and needed alternative ways to deal with the off and on again blues that arrive literally "outof the blue" and not connected to any particular event in a given day or week.
I did a Google search and typed in pacemakers and depression, thereby learning that the wires in the vessels affect the body;s seratonin levels and my doctor never told me such things, and I did not want him reaching for a prescription pad. Instead I chose natural Melatonin for as a safe sleep aid, and started using my exercise bike 3 and 4x week to raise my endorphorphins, which helped with alleviating some of theblues and at the same time lowered my HDL's.....having a pacemaker is an ongoing learning experience, and everyone is different; not all sadness and depression can be addressed with a prescription, and not all can exercise this way, but it helps to know it can be alleviated somewhat when the blues arrive, unwelcome as they are.
You know you're wired when...
You are always wired and full of energy.
Member Quotes
I am just now 40 but have had these blackouts all my life. I am thrilled with the pacer and would do it all over again.
feeling down
by pmredhead - 2008-04-11 01:04:15
Hi pace50,
I know what you're going through. i just had my pacemaker inplant in january 08. I needed the pacemaker due to complete heart block but I don't completely rely on it just when i need it and when my heart drops really low. after i had my pacemaker i've been feeling depressed sometimes cause this a life changing experience for me and I thank God everyday and i pray for strength. I guess you just got to take one day at a time. We all adjust to the pacemaker soon or later.
Don't give up!!
constance