Are You Different Than Before?

Just wondering how many pacers feel that they are not the same person as they were before.

Trying not to be vague. It's a life changing situation. As you may have read, I lost my job due to my PM. In this past year, I have gone through moving across the country, a divorce, having to get a PM, and then losing my job. All these life changing events have really made me re-evaluate my life. I am trying to stay positive. I am having to take anti-depressants. The Dr. switched my anti-depressants since they felt that the Cymbalta I was taking before the PM, may have caused my Bradycardia (?) However, it could be a combination of that and stress, and genetics. He has switched them a couple of times since the PM implant this last Aug. I am trying to stay positive, but I think this newest change of meds 2 weeks ago is making me feel bewildered and more depressed. I have another appt. this Mon.

Thanks for reading,
Casey Jo

12 Comments

Hello ;-)

by pacergirl - 2007-12-07 07:12:56

Yes, in answer to your question.... I am different than I was before.
I came to a realization that I was pretty much living my life for other people. I could give you a list but each person's would be different. I came to understand that it was time for me to start to take responsibility for all the decisions being made in my life. That was scary for me. Always before I did what my parents expected, then my husband, then my friends, my co-workers!
Everyone but me! Then I nearly died from the stress of it all... My heart would just stop beating, like it was just too much to deal with... The weight was too much.

So I now make decisions for myself. That sounds weird, but for me it has given me so such freedom! I decide what I will or will not do. I am in love with a wonderful man and I decide what I do. No one else! Big responsibility. Huge for me. I am so much happier. I make mistakes, but then again I am new at this. So I wish you luck on your journey. Be open to learning things about yourself. You can do it.

I don't recommend the drug therapy... never has worked for me. Natural medicines is my preferred method of treating any sadness. You have a lot to deal with. Please..... be gentle and kind to yourself. You have friends here.... take care.
Pacergirl

Different can be good...

by dward - 2007-12-07 08:12:11

It's very hard to give advice over the internet because you only see what a person writes.
I don't know how you came to where you are today - there's a lot of reasons that things happen.

I've had my fair share of "hurdles" in life, but like I have said before - "It's not so much what happens to you, it's what you do with it."

Pacergirl gives good advice when she says to be gentle and kind to yourself. Part of being kind is to learn to be okay with yourself.
We all have more power than we know. There are more jobs out there, more people out there, more love out there. It's ALL out there once we choose to go for it.

Is it scary? Absolutely, but it can be an adventure at the same time! It all depends on your point of view.

Now some hard advice to take... As long as we choose to be the victim, we will find ourselves the victim and will feel powerless.

If we choose to take control, be positive, have faith in yourself, and focus on finding what we are looking for - the possibilities are endless.

Take care!

Yes I am different

by JohnS - 2007-12-08 01:12:33

I had my pacer implanted last year, then had AV node ablation to get rid of atrial fib. I feel completely different, much better than before. I also made a decision not to be depressed about the PM, and am trying to not let the little stuff get to me. I took a two week trip this year that I have always wanted to do, and am planning another for 2 years from now.
I think that mental attitude is a big part of how I deal with the pm. I also met a man while I was in the hospital. He had had a double lung and heart transplant and had kept up a great attitude.
I had a little trouble with the fact that I am 100% paced, but I have decided that if I'm going to die, its not something that I can control, so why worry about it.
I also am using the line that with all of the dumb stuff I have done if God takes me because a battery dies thats "Just Mean"

Hope this helps, and if you want give me a pm.

RELAX

by peter - 2007-12-08 08:12:04

Life can be annoying at times. We think that we have total control over our lives and that every time we wake up it will be a good day. I lost my job and lots of money due to my heart. My doctor thinks I must be depressed and wants to give me antidepressants. No way , im just a little irritated but grateful to be still alive when others are not. Happiness comes from inside yourself , in your mind, and you have to work a little on it. Dwell on the positive things in life, your friends and relatives etc. Always be thinking of something that you are looking forward to. Have an aim in life, a target to achieve that is not beyond your limitations. We can all be happy if we try. Peter

don't e defined by the pm

by VIOLIN - 2007-12-08 10:12:19

Yes, we are probably all different. but you are very special in what you can contribute in life, do for yourself and experience joy in the way you need to discover. maybe that is painting or kayaking or photography or finding something you love and look forward to. I agree "no one has it all" and "everyone has somthing." it is how you play the nasty cards you are dealt; not about the hand itself.

go forth and discover the new "you" only you can do this. meds are a crutch to get by temporarily but you may discover power in yourself if you would take some time to contemplate what it is that can make you happy and whole.

Best wishes...we all can relate to your comments/

Just a comment....

by Suzzy - 2007-12-09 02:12:10

I cannot believe that you lost your job over your pacemaker. Is that not a legal issue?

Back to your question....have I changed since being implanted with a pacemaker. Interesting question, and one in all honesty I never really thought about. Being a iundividual who has had a heart condition all her life... I can probably say, I do not know what "normal is" ...(compared to waht a healthy person can tell you). I had a very strong support system, and was never treated any different then any of my siblings. I knew my limitations, and new when to slow down and take a break. In 2000, I was implanted with a pacemaker after collapsing at work. I feel good, and I feel as healthy as ever. I know my limitations but; I still keep on living.

Suzzy

THANK YOU!!! :D

by CJD2007 - 2007-12-09 03:12:11

THANK YOU~Pacergirl, dward, JohnS, peter, VIOLIN, and Suzzy!!!

I do sincerely appreciate your repsonses.It is so nice to have this website. To be able to come to a place where people can relate to you is wonderful.

Bless You All,
Casey

Very Different

by gsue55 - 2007-12-09 04:12:24

I do feel very different after my inplant in Sept of this year.I have nothing but problems with it...I don't feel good..I sleep all the time. Actually I have to sleep most of the weekend just to be able to make it through the following week. My collar bone hurts a lot & my PM has shifted.I finally got the Dr to look at it & he did say that it has moved and that my lead seems to be in my shoulder a bit.I have once again been put back on light duty at work ( Preschool Teacher) until Dec 26th when I go back to see him again. It was a decision I made with his help.If things are not better by then he is going to go in and move my PM to under a muscle. ( Has anyone every had that done?) I have been on anti depressants for about 6 mos now & I am ready to go back to my regular Dr. and see what he can do as,,I keep having melt downs at work. The Stress there is unbearable at times. As for my social life...there isn't one. Whenever I tell a guy I have had the implant...Poof...they are gone. Besides the fact that when would I have time, I sleep almost all weekend.

I do hope the best for you & Thank You everyone for letting me vent here. This club has actually made me feel like I am not alone or completely crazy.

P,S, the worst part of the whole thing is...I feel right now that if there were a pill I could taker to end my life...I would do it. I don't want anyone to get the idea that I am suicidal but..I really do not feel like I have anything to live for any more.

Gloria

No differet, just more inquisitive

by gevans - 2007-12-09 12:12:20

I can't say I'm any different - except that maybe I am even more passionate about enjoying life (those that know me, say it is impossible for me to enjoy it more than I already do).

The only tangible experiences I've noticed thus far is that I can't walk through the metal detector in the airport or engage in contact sports. The former can actually save you time (if the lines are long), and my reaction time is now too slow to look into a football league - so the latter isn't much of a loss either.

There is so much out there to see and do that it would be impossible to exhaust the possibililties...but I'm going to try.

Gary

Thank You gevans and gsue55 ;D

by CJD2007 - 2007-12-13 12:12:12

Thank you Gary for your humor and advice.

Thank you too Gloria for sharing. I hope you will be able to get your pm situated right very soon. Remember we are here for you if you are down and need us, and if not, we are here anyway ;)


Take care,
Casey Jo

I am not the same for sure

by gmnordy - 2007-12-14 02:12:14

Hi all. I have been a member for a while but usually just read and do not post. But today I feel the need. A little history about me. I am a 52 yo female, and have had my dual chamber Medtronic pacemaker since 03 for 1st and 2nd degree AV block. I also have bicuspid aortic valve disease and an ascending thoracic aneursym.
Today I had a pacemaker check. I havent been feeling well, but that is the norm for me. I am in AV block, second degree today and have been for a month according to the technician. Plus I am now totally dependent on my pacer, and that went from it being used 21% of the time to 100 percent in just a few months. So i guess I am getting worse.
I am different from before my pacemaker because I am always tired, ALWAYS, lots of shortness of breath, I am lethargic. I too sleep almost the entire weekend to get the week. I went from being a manager at a doctors office to not working at all because I am not able to handle any kind of stress anymore. I am physically unable to walk more than a block without the worst shortness of breath, I can hardly get up my stairs at home, I sound like I am dying. I am seriously depressed and on medication for it plus anxiety meds. I feel like my family is sick of me being sick. I have no desire to do anything anymore. I am glad that this forum is around. I need some new friends to talk to about this.
Debbi

Tired all the time - 10 years of trying to get to the bottom of things

by Shani - 2007-12-14 09:12:00

I feel different since my PM insertion, I feel safe knowing I am no longer going to faint but I am just so exhausted. My mind does not seem to work like it did prior to my faints and tilt table testing.

I can cope no longer cope if I get tired and stressed at all. I have gone from working full time at managerial level to working 15 hours at a playgroup. Due to the tiredness I have just finished that. It is driving me crazy. It take me about 2 months to get over each period of fatigue and get my mind working and physical energy back.

I am trying to get my GP and heart specialist to understand but it is an upward struggle.

Glad i'm not the only one out here!

You know you're wired when...

You have a 25 year mortgage on your device.

Member Quotes

The experience of having a couple of lengths of wire fed into your heart muscle and an electronic 'box' tucked under the skin is not an insignificant event, but you will survive.