how to deal

Hey Everybody,
Well as some of you know, I have been fainting almost daily for 4 years. I got my PM in June and am hoping with a little tweaking that the faints will slowly get better.
The problem is that I seem to be losing my friends. I had a great group of friends that used to hang out all the time and call to talk almost daily. Since the fainting, I have noticed that they don't seem to call much anymore and when they make plans to get together...I am usually left out.
I try to tell them how I feel but they keep telling me they are doing it for my benefit...helping me so I don't get embarrased if I faint.
One of my closest friends told me that she doesn't want me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding anymore bc she does not want to put the stress on me bc she thinks I'll be scared if I faint. So now I am her attendent instead.
How can I get them to understand that yes I faint, but I still want to live as much of a normal life as possible?


9 Comments

Hard to say...

by boatman50 - 2008-03-10 09:03:16

I don't know if you can ever get someone to understand what it is like to have a pm and that all you want is to be considered normal because afterall, you are. If they have not had the experience how can they see? maybe you can get them to read some of these postings to try and get an idea. Show them your post.

I'm Sorry!

by scadnama - 2008-03-10 10:03:35

Christine,

I am so sorry to hear about your friends. It is times like these that we need our friends the most. I know that is it very hard for people to understand what it is that we go through on a daily basis, but we are still normal, and we try to lead our lives as normal as possible. If your "friends" cannot accept the person that you are now, then they never really were your true friends to begin with.
I hope that you are feeling better, and know that you can message me anytime. Take care of yourself and keep your head up...you are SPECIAL!

Amanda

Tough call

by heckboy - 2008-03-11 01:03:53

Of course I'm sympathetic to someone with a PM, but if one of my friends was feinting daily, I'd be a little uncomfortable out in public too. Maybe they don't know what to do if you wee to feint in front of them. You could tell them what to do in the event that it happens while you're out.

Sheesh

by CathrynB - 2008-03-11 02:03:10

Bini,
Sorry to say so, but reading your posting makes me really mad. What gall your "friend" has telling you she doesn't want you to be a bridesmaid anymore! Is she afraid you might faint and upstage her? Others are right who suggest these folks are not "real" friends, and those of us who have enjoyed your postings, photos etc over many months can't imagine how someone could hurt you so. There ARE lots of people who wouldn't share the perspective of these friends of yours, so keep searching for the good folks AND pushing your doctor(s) for solutions to your problem. I have previously read postings about how Bowlrbob's problem was fixed and think it sounds so logical -- I hope you'll discuss it with your EP and give it a try.
You can certainly try reassurring your friends that you're not going to die on the spot, what to do if you do faint, and tell them you hope to lead a normal life, but finding new friends may be easier.
Please keep us posted on how you're coping and know there are loads of us here who care about you and will always have a shoulder or ear to offer.
Take care, CathrynB

You'll move on!:)

by Ginabean13 - 2008-03-11 02:03:33

In this world, friends come and go. Usually the ones we think will be there forever are the ones that tend to bail first. It hurts horribly and you feel almost like you have lost a part of yourself. These people know us sometimes better than we know ourselves. The best part about the failing friendship is that God will replenish you with even better, more true friends that will understand you and your quirkiness (if you will)! The older we get the more we tend to weed out the undesireables. Maybe God is helping the process along for you because only better things are yet to come!!! I know I sound heavy, but I just received my first PM last Friday. One of my (good friends) didn't call to say good-luck, or to see how I was feeling afterwards. She did however, have time to reply to an e-mail I had forwarded letting me know in not so many word to check it out before I sent to everyone. Oh, and she so graciously replied to all of my friends and family. Sorry I sound so bitter, It just happened before I logged on to the site! Anyway, GOOD LUCK! and I will say a prayer for you!

Later, Ginabean13

Have you tried this setting.

by bowlrbob - 2008-03-11 02:03:52

Bibi, That is horrible what you are going through. These are not your friends not really. If they were I would hope they would have more understanding. I know it is tough but hang in there and find some new friends. I hope your Docs can find an answer for your condition. I believe you said it was NCS or VVS. or is there something else going on. I think i told you what my EP did for me a year and 1/2 ago but i will mention it again. Just in Case. He determined i have VVS so he upped my regular setting from 50 bpm to 70bpm. Then he turned on the rate drop response. If my heart rate drops by 25 bpm too quickly I believe over a 30 second window or so. Then my PM kicks my heart rate up to 100bpm for 2 minutes. Then it goes back to the original setting. This gets the blood pressure up quickly so i don't pass out. I have not even been dizzy since this was programed. If your Dr. thinks this might work for you let me know i will give you my EP's name and phone number and they could talk about this. My EP is an associate Professor at the University of Nevada Reno. He has done wonders for me. I really want to see you get better so you thumb your nose at your so called friends. Also because I hate to see someone as young as you go through this. BOB

Thank you all!

by bini - 2008-03-11 08:03:39

It is so great to hear all your responses! I thank you all so much for your input. I am going to try to work it out with all my friends. I hope that this issue can be resolved...and for those that don't except my fainting then it's time for me to move on.
I am in the process of trying to find a sncope support group in the state that I live in, but so far nothing has come up. I think I need to create friendships with people that can relate in some way with my situation.
The funny part is I NEVER faint when I am out doing things...it's always when I get back from activities. I think when I'm out my BP increases bc of stress or excitment...then comes crashing down when I return home.
Anyway, again thank you all for your support...it means so much to me!

Love you all!
Christine

hang in there

by mandogrl - 2008-03-11 09:03:03

I agree that you may be "out growing" your friends, if they can't get beyond their discomfort with your faints. In defense of your friends though, it's not easy for people to have to watch someone they care for, laying there unconscious!
If standing still long might induce a faint, during a wedding, churches can provide a chair for a bridesmaid or attendant. Standing still that long imitates a tilt-table test, which is why so many wedding participants faint.
You have told your friends how to "comfort" you if you should faint, haven't you? I'm lucky that my friends get to know me pretty well, before I have to break the news to them, because mine are not nearly so frequent. But that has been one of their biggest concerns: what should I do if you faint?
Hang in there, and keep working with your EP to get your PM fine-tuned. Hopefully you will be fainting a lot less soon.

Hang in there

by Tessy - 2008-03-11 12:03:56

Hi Bini
Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. It must be very difficult for you to reconcile your feelings especially towards the experiences you are having with your friends. I would not wish to dismiss their attitude out of hand. They clearly have some difficulty in understanding your situation and their feelings towards this particular type of condition. I would suggest that we have to sympathise with people who find this somewhat difficult. I would see this particularly towards the friend who is getting married and whether you agree with it or not they are under considerable stress and are anxious that their wedding day is one of the most important experiences in their lives.
I myself would be anxious not to disregard them as friends, and would try to continue your friendship with them however difficult it might seem. I would continue to explain to them how important their friendship is to you. Continue to explain to them the experiences you are having with the pacemaker and your episodes of fainting, but clearly not overdo this. Have any of your friends been present when you actually fainted? Perhaps it would be useful if you could reassure them on how they should deal or react to the situation if they did happen to be present. They might find this reassuring. Explain that you are anxious that they treat you without overreacting to what they perceive as an 'handicap' or something they are uncomfortable with.
I note that you say when you have previously tried to explained to them your situation they react by explaining they don't want you to be embarrassed. I think what they are trying to say is that they might feel embarrassed or uncomforable with if you fainted. Again I can only suggest you continue to talk this through with them as the opportunity arises and stress that you yourself would not be embarrassed because it is something that you have learned to cope with and that you are sure it is something they could equally deal with.
I wish you well and hope that eventually the experiences with fainting ceases.

Take care

Teresa

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