Can i go back?
A week ago I was happy and relatively healthy. After my implant on 12/10 my happy life ceased to exist. I expected some issues like getting used to having a machine regulate my heart. I was prepared for some pain. My EP told me I needed a PM for bradycardia and I stupidly and naively went along with the suggestion. The procedure itself wasn't too bad although I did feel more pain during than I anticipated. But it's the after effects that nearly killed me. A reaction to Vancomycin. My neck and shoulders seized up after I got home that night. Didn't sleep a wink. Next day came shortness of breath and a trip to ER where they discovered a pneumothorax and i was admitted to the hospital. I was terrified and felt close to death and unable to have my husband by my side due to Covid. Next day (2 days post implant) I developed pneumonia. Got to come home after 2 days in hospital and then started having tachycardia episodes. Every time I think the worst is behind me something new crops up to scare me. Anxiety is through the roof, can't sleep even though I'm exhausted. Every time I start to fall asleep I wake up with a start, like the PM won't allow me to sleep. I just want my old life back! Will I ever feel normal again? I'm so afraid of dying every minute that I've come to feel it might be a blessing. I just want the damn thing out.
I have been asked to provide more history. I am a female, almost 69, living in Indiana, on Medicare with a great supplemental insurance plan Retired in 2015 but now work part time as a school crossing guard. Suffered with SVT for 30+ years which was fixed by ablation in 2019. Felt great for 10 months then got fatigue, syncope, shortness of breath. 30 day Holter disclosed Sick Sinus Syndrome with episodes of non sustained v-tach. Pacemaker suggested. My sinus node was worn out. I thought I did my research and mostly heard good things about pacemaker like "you'll feel so much better with a PM!" I guess I acted prematurely when at my last visit with EP he said "it's time" and said it could be done close to Christmas break so I would have plenty of time to recover. My bad, my mistake. I am totally responsible for the predicament I'm now in and maybe my story can help someone not make the same mistake. I feel I probably could have lived many more years just the way I was, but I took the entire situation too lightly thinking "it's just a minor procedure and I'll come out of it so much better."
Thank you for your words of encouragement. They really help! I will reach out to my EP or primary care doctor for more help and support. I think I'm in a deep depression and desperately need help.