Complications and depression later on

Hello,

I decided that this may be a good place for me to be. I had tricuspid valve replacement in 2014 and after had to have a pacer implanted. I'm 100% paced. I handled all the appointments very well for a while and really had such a zest for life. As time when on though, things have certainly gotten harder. There have been many complications, my battery life is expected to last 3-4 years due to a faulty lead, and i just found out my prosthetic valve is going to need to be replaced. I at no point was made aware of that. Honestly my zest for life has disappeared. The doctors appointments and constant struggles have triggered my anxiety significantly. I have recently just thought about giving up and not replacing my battery when it goes. Just trying to see if there are other people who've experienced these feelings and how they cope with them. It's very depressing. 

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by swissp - 2017-02-09 02:53:37

Hi Juiced. I have had a similar experience but without the grace period of feeling zestful beforehand.

Only you can make that decision about whether to keep on going under the knife or call it a day. I'm in the same position, although for now I know I am staying alive for my husband, who would be gutted if I died now. Have also consciously shelved suicide for now because he does not deserve to have that hanging over the rest of his life.

Being a secular humanist and living in a country that allows assisted suicide, I am not nervous about talking about these issues. I look around me at all the people in their 80s and 90s with multiple pathologies, barely mobile and practically living at the hospital, and know I don't want that for myself. As for nursing homes? Forget it.

These are very real existential questions and it's a great shame our society is still so taboo-ridden. 

That having been said, I am STILL depressed because the op and all its disasters are only 2 months behind me (the worst 2 months of my life). Having made the decision to stay alive for my husband, I am still soldiering on with trying to get my formerly fit body back. But I feel terribly fed up with life quite often, and the medical professionals are pretty useless. Not interested in seeing a shrink either, because unless the shrink has my brain and personality and is facing the same existential questions, what the hell is s/he going to tell me?? As the other guy says, "Life gets rough if you don't die quick". 

Thank you for opening an honest conversation about these things.

Politics of Dying

by dumb - 2017-02-09 05:23:30

Assisted suicide has a lot of hoops to jump through.  The Hemlock Society has a new name and have changed.

 

I think it is sad we live in a culture where a natural part of life is taboo.  We all know we will die, however we are also unprepared.

When my mother was near death, a lot of pressure was applied to me to allow the hospital to keep her alive a few more hours, not to keep her comfortable, only to extend her life a hour or so. I felt some of the staff was sadistic!

Each State has their own idea of what should happen when death is near.  Hospitals have their own agenda.

DNR orders are frequently ignored.  Once a person loses consciousness you are open to anything first responders choose to do.

My last experience with the EMT group happened while I was having a stroke.  I refused a IV ( My veins are a mess, IV lines go in my feet.) The EMT was looking at my arm. The EMT informed me when I lose consciousness he would do what ever he wanted. I told him AGAIN I have a DNR. I also told him my family would sue. All that talking while having a stroke.  At that time I had a medical alert bracelet with the DNR very clear, along qith rhe fact I naturally have very low BP, that information was carefully ignored.

Best possible advice

by oldearthworm - 2017-02-10 11:02:23

The people here DO give the best possible advice ,  IMO ..IF I ever do have any PM related problems , I know where to go .. 

Thank you

by Juiced - 2017-02-15 17:07:31

Thank you all so much for your replies. As of now, nothing has really changed. I have about a year left on this battery, year and a half tops, and i feel that is sufficient time to really determine what is going to be my ultimate choice. I just can't say i see a reason to keep fighting such a losing battle as i have my whole life. Ive enjoyed life sometimes, but for the most part i haven't enjoyed it. I'm sorry this isn't a pleasant conversation, but it's reality and not many others can relate. I wish you all the best day and happiness :)

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