Sex

I recently started dating someone with a difib. How will having sex affect him? Is it safe. Can we have a normal sex life? He often complains that the difib hurts and has me apply pressure to it. Is this normal? I don't want to hurt him. I just don't know what to do.

3 Comments

Should be OK

by Theknotguy - 2014-02-12 03:02:02

Having a de-fib / pacemaker shouldn't have any negative effect on having sex. Unless, of course, you're swinging from a chandelier or something weird. Obviously won't suggest any electro-magnetic stimulation.

The two things to keep in mind is how do they feel? If tired all the time, SOB, in a-fib - then sexual activity is out. You're just too sick.

If the person feels good and you're in the mood... Your choice.

Not sure what you mean about de-fib hurting. Does the PM pocket hurt? How long since implanted? If it's just been implanted, then the area's going to be sore. Not sure what you mean about applying pressure - mine was pretty sensitive - didn't want any pressure on that area.

Heart meds can sometimes affect sexual desire/activity. So that's another factor. Also dosage amounts.

So as far as sexual activity, the de-fib/PM should help because the person is getting a better heart beat and should be feeling better. Heart meds may affect desire, able to perform - maybe not. Next, of course is mental attitude.

Everyone has a different definition of "normal" so I'm not sure how to answer that question either. However my wife and I are getting along fine.

I had a busted rib, collapsed lung, busted shoulder from CPR, chest tube, and lots of pain. Multiple meds, surgery cut from PM implant, and dealing with a new set of sensations from the PM activity. Sex was out of the question. Actually knew I was starting to get better when this really cute, curvaceous, obviously-too-young-for-me, attractive, young rehab therapist walked by and I thought, "Not bad !"

Hope things start going better.

Theknotguy

Difib hurting

by Jeanbear - 2014-02-12 03:02:24

He has had it since April 2013. He has me press on it with my hand and rub the scar with my finger. That seems to make it feel better. Is this normal? Should it be hurting like that?

As far as sex, no longivity. Very short sessions. Is there anything he can take for that? He has desire, just can't last long. He's 50.

Could be the heart meds

by Theknotguy - 2014-02-12 04:02:04

Could be the heart meds. Now, of course, you're going to tell me he isn't taking meds.

I haven't discussed with my doctor. It's something he should discuss with his. Problem being, messing around with meds messes around with the heart. So it can be a dangerous combination and you should proceed cautiously. Everything I've seen is to stay away from Viagra and similar drugs unless OK with cardio doc. Viagra and similar drugs cause a drop in blood pressure and you may not want that with a heart patient. It's no fun when you pass out, they have to call EMT's, and you end up in the ER.

Scar tissue and regrowth of nerves can do strange things. I don't want anyone near my scar or PM pocket. Obviously it makes him feel better in some strange way. It's well past the 90 day period for the body to grow around it an incorporate it. So as long as you are doing a gentle massage it shouldn't hurt. Digging into the scar and pocket with a heavy massage might dislodge the leads.

Regrowth of nerves can cause weird sensations. I'm not sure how long it takes for the body to totally incorporate. It's different for everyone. Some things I've seen is that incorporation may take up to two years and, for some people, maybe never. Yours is the first I've heard of someone wanting a massage in that area. Maybe someone else on this forum will chime in with their experiences. As I said, I don't want anyone near my PM site.

As for longevity, I'm thinking it will just take time. Like I said, I had a lot of trauma so my body is still getting back to a "normal" setting. They just changed a setting on my PM two days ago and that changed everything. I had a sleep study last night and the tech kept the pressure low. I could barely make it through cardio rehab today. So little things can make a big difference.

The PM setting on Monday made a positive difference in cardio rehab on Tuesday. The hypoxia from the lowered CPAP setting Tuesday night made a negative impact on Wednesday. You wouldn't normally think of those things having a one-to-one action/reaction but they do.

As much as I'd like to be back to "normal" after the trauma and the PM, I've been told it won't happen for at least a year. I'm learning patience one day at a time. Having a partner who is understanding is probably the best therapy in the meantime. Learning not to get frustrated because things aren't progressing as fast as I'd like is good therapy too.

In the US we have instant food, no waiting, get what you want now. So it's very hard when you get into a situation where it's going to take a minimum of a year and no matter how hard you work or push, it will still be a year. Mentally you're thinking you should be able to do something. Physically it isn't going to happen. And no amount of mental effort is going to make any difference except to get you frustrated.

All I can suggest at this time is patience and understanding.

Hope things get better.

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I am just thankful that I am alive and that even though I have this pacemaker it is not the end of the world.