coping and fear

I am a mom of two children and Im 32. Im terrified! I cant find a support group where I live. I hate being tired all the time. I was just diagnosed in May of this year. My EF has been 15% sence then and has not changed. On August 7th I got my ICD. Now in 6 months I will be on a hear transplant list. Im scared I will die and my children will not have a mom. Everything is happening so fast. I have been trying not to dwell on things, and not take anything for granted. But what if my body doesnt handle the transplant?? Why do I feel alone?? Why am I angry??

5 Comments

The key is in your moniker

by ILoominatedEKG - 2012-08-29 02:08:16

God really IS in control. We may not like what he does, but this is HIS universe.

All of the things you're feeling are natural, normal, and only human of you. Just remember, faith is not the opposite of fear. Courage is the opposite of fear. Faith gives one the courage to face fear. Every soldier that charged a machine gun nest was scared shitless. But he did it anyway.

A hundred years ago, you would have just withered till one day you died, never really knowing that's where you were headed. Thank God for all that you have at your disposal to deal with that, and for the advanced notice to be ready and ready your children as well.

All of us on this site will bet there for you. We, too, have been through the wringer. By all means, avail yourself of our experience, strength, and hope.

I'll say a prayer for you.

Dave

Why are you so normal?

by donr - 2012-08-29 11:08:26

That's the real question. Al the concerns you have are indicative of being a normal human being.

Let's start from the bottom:

1) Why are you angry? You face a potentially fatal situation; you are young; have parental responsibilities; Young kids; alone. Anger is a normal reaction.

2) Lonliness. How many folks in your situation do you know ABOUT, let alone know on a personal basis? Probably NONE! SO, in that respect you are alone.

3) What if my body rejects the transplant? Again, a very real possibility - a rational thought. If it does, you are terminal.

4) what if they never find a match? Another rational fear. Very real possibility. It has happened before.

None of the issues are irrational for one in your position. You are authorized to be anxious - but NOT to freak out.

You have responsibilities to face for your family. you let them down by freaking out & it does not help you face the real issues.

What you must do is examine all the issues & learn all you can about each of them. Knowledge will make them less fearful; less stressful. Note that I did not say "Go away or disappear."

Find some folks in the same boat - there are at least two in here. One, Fishfighter, is currently treading water in LA right now, so in no condition to trade philosophy or give you advice. I believe Takling cardio is also. Then there is a third one who has just recently rec'd a transplant. So, in here, you are not alone You have the opportunity for keyboard pals!

Last, take it one day/one issue at a time. Rejection is moot if they never find a match. Right now, that would be the finding a match issue.

Last, plan for the worst for your children. Do not leave that for the day before you go in for the transplant surgery. That is positive actions that reduce the problems in the event you never find a match.

Distract your mind from the negatives. Do not let it dwell on them. Pick any activity that is distracting for you.

Read the book of Job. It will put your troubles in perspective. Trust in God & pray for the best situation for your children. They are the most important thing in your life.

The best to you through your trials.

Don

Your support group is here

by Grateful Heart - 2012-08-29 11:08:27

Ask any questions, vent all you need to, we are here for you. Medical advancement has come so far in this day and age and heart transplants are no exception. I am not in your situation, but you have to have faith and I believe you do since you chose "God in control" as your moniker like Dave said. I will keep you in my prayers, you sound like a fighter.

Nonsense

by ILoominatedEKG - 2012-08-30 12:08:20

If it's punishment, it's probably not from God. The powers of hell and the evils of man may test you indeed, but God will give you the strength to persevere. Cry your tears if you need. Lament your pain as you must. But get up from the bed when you can. Love your children everytime you're allowed. And praise God for the many blessings he has given you. If all else fails, ask him to help you see them.

May God give you strength, comfort, and hope. May he hold you to his bosom and heal your soul. My prayers are with you.

Dave

admitted again

by Godincontrol - 2012-08-30 12:08:28

I was feeling bad today and called my doctor. My scale at home was off or my kids messed with it. I gained 12 lbs in two weeks. So they admitted me again on a lasix drip. My body has been hurting everywhere. Every joint hurts and expecially my back. They dont know why Im hurting so bad. I dont sleep anymore. I have to take Ambian to get a good night sleep. Im so emotional right now. I cant stop crying. I hate being sick. I hate being a pin cushion. I hate feeling old. I hate the fear of my children not having their mom. I just dont understand why this is happening. I know the book of Job. I know that God has a reason for everything. But I dont like it. At 32, I have had to sighn papers for a living will and DPOA papers for my parents. I feel like this is punishment from God.

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