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Somewhat scared, any thoughts?
Had an ICD implanted 2 days before thanksgiving, 2010. All was well until 12-16, when I got the shock of a lifetime. Bright flash of light, like an explosion going off inside my body. They have since adjusted my meds, and say that I should get better as time goes. I am a 45 y/o male who is way nervous of being alone. I have been seperated with my wife for 2 1/2 years with divorce looming. This thing in my chest scares the daylights out of me. It has been tough on me. I am trying hard to be positive about it. Sometimes when I think of dating again, I think, who in there right mind will find me attractive with my shirt off now? Gosh, it just seems hard to remain positive about the unknown. Just want a normal life, free of worrying if this "bomb" will go off again. Any thoughts?
9 Comments
I wish I had advice for you
by sugarbunny09 - 2011-01-08 02:01:20
I have not gotten my pacemaker yet but I am only 19 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and we have a daughter but even he says he thinks seeing the scar and possibly the bump of the pacemaker might make him feel a little uneasy. I don't have any advice but I do understand what your saying I really hope someone gives advice to you about this
Two thoughts
by DC Pacer - 2011-01-08 07:01:11
I have two thoughts for you.
First, I have a PM, not an ICD but my advice is you shouldn't worry about it going off again. If / when it goes off, it is serving its purpose by keeping you among the land of the living. That is the entire reason you have it.
Second, there are many people in the world who are not judgmental. I would say before you worry about what your date might think about you with your shirt off, get that date and make a hell of an impression on her. When it is finally time for any hanky panky, your having an ICD won't matter to her at all.
Good luck and hang in there.
scars
by Tracey_E - 2011-01-08 08:01:44
I think it's very sad that some of you put so much emphasis on the scars and let it affect your self esteem so much. Someone who loves you doesn't care about the stupid little stuff. And yes, a scar is stupid little stuff in my opinion. No one wants their icd to fire, but it will save your life if it happens. No one wants a pm, but I know I wouldn't have seen my 30th birthday if I didn't have one. Not only have I made it to 44, but me and my scars feel fantastic and live a full active life. Anyone who'd hold a scar against me is too shallow to deserve me.
That said, them worrying about us is totally different. Don't confuse concern with distaste. Two totally separate issues. I was married less than a year when I got my first pm. My husband freaked! If the scars ever bothered him, he never let on, but I know he worried about me and treated me with kid gloves for a long time. He got over it as I got back to normal. When we ignore things, people around us do, too. They follow our lead. Be confident and happy, people see the smile not the scars.
shirt thing
by Nice Guy - 2011-01-08 10:01:16
I only meant that shirt thing due to my avid love for boating. In the summer time, boating and the lake are what I enjoy most. Shoot, I havent even thought of something on that end of it. Its just so prevelant and noticeable. Heck, if I am wearing a tshirt, you can pretty much see it. I am fairly thin, 6', 175lbs, so it is noticeable. I was not trying to make that an issue. My apologies. Thank you for the response.
Sorry I misunderstood
by DC Pacer - 2011-01-08 11:01:52
Sorry about that. I still think my advice is relevant; I know it is uncomfortable to think about what it looks like with a shirt off. I go swimming with my kids and have gotten accustomed to it.
We are about the same size, 5'11" 180 lbs. I think you will get more comfortable with it in time. And heck, if the hanky panky issue comes up, just remember that it still won't make a hill of beans difference that you have an ICD!
:)
Scars....
by Skyking - 2011-01-09 01:01:00
My sister in law, bless her heart, told me over christmas when I was whining about the ugliness of my chest and ICD scar that "Scars are SEXY"..... That was the best thing I'd heard in about 6 months.... really brightened my day and she was serious.
Im reminded every morning in the shower of that damn thing, but I guess its there for a reason.....never been used yet. Hopefully never
Be Proud!
by barefooter - 2011-01-09 06:01:35
I've had my ICD for just a little over two years now - thank God but I have not been shocked yet and hope I never need to be - I had a SCA on 10-3-08 but was at work where we have an AED and because of it and some wonderful co-workers I was able to join the 5% of people that survive - I was very lucky that day and I'm very thankful now that if I ever need it again my little friend in my chest will be there to take care of me! With that said my advice to you is don't worry about it - in fact be proud - wear it like a bage of honor - is is there watching over you 24 hours a day to save your live if needed and it already has!!!
I love boating too - in fact I still barefoot waterski and do all the things I've always done and going without a shirt is no problem - one day last year while at a water park one young man just ask me what was wrong with my chest and when I explained it to him he was totally amazed. I have shown a lot of people and have not had any bad reactions as of yet!
Just be thankful that we have ICD's and can live normal lives with them!! I can understand that being shocked would not be fun but it's a lot better then being dead! So - Don't Worry!!! All is well!
By the way I'm 58 now!
barefooter
I got schocked last november
by nrracing - 2011-01-09 12:01:12
Man I would not worry about the scar, or the dating yet, get your self together and get you nerves back and you will be fine. I got shocked for the first time last year. Let me tell you it was crazy, I remember it all, and I blacked out. I am so glad to have one cause the doc said I would be gone it I did not.
I am 29 and have had mine fore 3 years now, (DFIB).
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Member Quotes
In fact after the final "tweaks" of my pacemaker programming at the one year check up it is working so well that I forget I have it.
For me...
by turboz24 - 2011-01-08 01:01:58
Same feelings towards my ICD. Mine sticks 3/8" off my chest and my simple solution is I never go anywhere shirtless. I don't care as much if other people see it (only my current doctors have seen it, though), I just can't stand to look at it, thus why I keep it covered. It's not just an "it's ugly issue" and it is really ugly, but it's also a control issue and a constant reminder of my heart condition.
Then you throw in that I can feel it constantly (I've had it since sept 2007) and it's sometimes painful and definately painful if it get's bumped or pushed on. One of my cousins is way shorter than me and hugs a little to hard and her head is right at ICD level and it hurts, so I have to ask her not to do that.....
As for the "Hanky Panky" part, my father says you don't need to be naked for that, so as long as my chest isn't touched and I have a shirt on, I guess it's possible.........