finding out for sure in 55 hours

• by justme
• 2009-08-03 01:08:38
• Coping
• 1490 views
• 3 comments

I've been spending the last 5 days freaking out. ended up being sent to the ER at the end of april for shortness of breath, chest pain and just feeling really crappy with super high blood pressure, released being told that I was fine and to follow up with the dr that sent me to the ER, but that's not what was put in my medical record, where they said I needed to follow up with cardio/pulmonary to determine what was going on. I almost didn't follow up but I was still feeling horrid a week later so I did. Have a history of passing out over the past 10 months or so, but (personally) attributed it to being active and not eating enough. I'm 29, and have been trying to be active and healthy, so I didn't want to stay out of the gym for 3 months while all the appointments were taking place, so I went back and day two with my trainer found me passed out on the ground after only 20 minutes. Been going through all the tests over the past month or so to figure out "if" anything was "wrong" and I was totally prepared to go back to the cardiologist this week to be told that they didn't find anything. Every test "looked fine" (stress echo, ecg...) the tilt table test was uneventful, and I barely had any symptoms that were recorded on the event monitor (partly b/c of the really annoying noise that it made which made me not use it at work or in public).
Anyhow, I got a call on Wednesday demanding (not kidding) that I call back immediately and make an appointment with a doctor at the cardio practice that I'd never seen. I called, thinking my Dr. was just going out of town or something, and was told that this specialist was called in to consult on my case and is coming in to my appointment on Wednesday on his day off b/c I need this "procedure" asap. I asked why and was told "oh yeah, you don't know yet." I looked up the doctor, I know he is a cardio electrophysiologist and I know what they do. I also know all of my symptoms and they do fit with potentially needing a pacemaker. I guess I'm freaking out b/c I've never had a dr's office call and a dr demand that I see them...that's not how referrals usually work, and the speed by which I'm being seen is also scaring me.
The part that I am freaking out about is my insurance expires at the end of the month...oh and my family thinks that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and I can't talk about how scared I am about this with them because they downplay all my concerns (I'm not a hypocondriac, I NEVER go to the doctor, and I never complain about not feeling good). I am a private person and didn't tell anyone at work about what was going on with all the testing and stuff, but my boss inadvertantly found out when I was wearing the monitor and bent down to grab something out of my bag.
I've been experiencing extreme anxiety this week waiting to "find out". I know that I should be thankful that this was found, but I am really scared. I don't know, I just want to talk to someone. Problem with that is I'm a therapist and would have to drive at least 3 hours from where I live to see someone that I don't know. Thanks for listening.