Trying to get used to my PM/ICD
Wow!
What a tramatic last few weeks I've had. Was wearing a monitor for 10 days. After the 7th day my heart clinic called. At 4 am my heart had stopped beating for almost 30 seconds.They wanted me to come to the best Heart hospital in Minnesota, ASAP. Moitored me overnight and it happened again. The next morning I was on my way to have both a pacemaker and defibrillator implanted, and they told me I would be awake during the whole procedure. I was so very scared! (Even needles scare me!!) I made it through only to find out I had to have a lead revision. OM Gosh, could it get any worse?? not even 14 days had passed and I was going in again. Please Lord, help me. Thankfully, all is good now. I just am feeling sorry for myself (crazy, right??) and I can't stand this "Thing" on my chest. I can't sleep normal, wear normal clothes, it sticks out like a sore thumb! I guess I just want to hear from someone else who feels remotely like I do. Don't get me wrong. I am GLAD TO BE ALIVE!! I have outlived my mother, who died at 44, when I was 16. And am going to be here for my kids, for many years. Just trying to understand why... Why I lost my parents to this horrible problem, and why am I having to go through it too?? Advances have made it possible for me to be alive today, and for that I am truely greatful. Just in need of someone else who has been through this, to tell me that what I am feeling is "somewhat" normal.
Thank you~ Brenda
P.S. I am scared to start running again because every time I do anything above and beyond, I feel like my heart is "freaking out"
What should I do?
4 Comments
Adding info
by anewday - 2009-06-09 09:06:57
Just to add: My EF was at 33, and once the pacemaker was implanted, it was pacing my heart 89% of the time. Forgot to add the stats, which help in understanding how bad it was...
it's all normal!
by Tracey_E - 2009-06-10 08:06:01
Everything you're feeling is perfectly normal! It takes some time to put it in perspective, for the gratefulness to overshadow the negative feelings.
The scar and lump should settle down some as you heal. If it doesn't, wear it with pride as a reminder that every day is a gift.
How long has it been? If less than 6 weeks, and unless your doctor cleared you, it's probably a bit early to be running again. What do you mean by freaking out? Thumping? Racing? Sometimes the settings need to be adjusted before we feel our old selves again. Mention it to them when you have your next check. If they can't figure it out, ask for a stress test so they can watch what happens when you get your rate up.
If you have any questions or want to vent, we're here and we've all been there.
Welcome to our family!!!!
by harley63 - 2009-06-10 09:06:00
Anewday....
This is truly A New Day... isn't there a saying that time heals all things?? It does. You must dig in those heals girlfriend and just be determined to beat these blue feelings that are coming to the surface.
Going back to running at this very moment might not be the 'right' thing for your body. More healing physically maybe in order. Perhaps just stretching and light weight lifting with the right arm and doing lower body exercises. Let the left arm and upper chest rest for now.
You will find that your energy level will increase as your heart gets stronger and you'll wonder how in the world you have done all the things that you've done. I'm sure you passed the tiredness off as just living a busy life with 2 precious teenagers schedule.
Try not to freak out. Your a part of a great new family. Remember that each of us have, at some point, felt and thought the same things as you are currently. We each are in different stages of wellness. Your in the beginning. Please tour though the site and see all the great stories of other members who are living normal lives by pressing forward with recovery. Which can have many aspects. We are all here for you anytime.
Please send private message to me any time you just need to talk or have questions. Nothing is silly to ask or share. They are your thoughts and feelings and I will respect them. The website is designed (which is a great feature, I must add) to send me an email alerting that I have a message. I'm an internet junkie and am available just about daily.
Sending you many rah rah's and well wishes for a speedy recovery. Stay positive!! Put a sticky note(s) on the mirror with this saying.... 'this too shall pass'... and 'you rock!!'... and... 'I can do this'....
Zoom on....
Harley63
You know you're wired when...
You can take a lickin and keep on tickin.
Member Quotes
To tell you the truth I never even give it a second thought. While growing up it never stopped me from doing anything and to this day my girlfriend or my kids need to remind me that I have one!
It's sudden for a lot of us..
by turboz24 - 2009-06-09 09:06:41
I was just going about my business, work, came home, started working out, and felt dizzy. When I got to the ER, found out I have Vtach and ended up with an ICD, because the doctor didn't have the skill to ablate the issue.
I was more in shock at first, but then when I had additional vtachs and they kept adding medications, I went into perscription induced zombie state/depression.
It wasn't until I finally had an ablation to "Fix" the problem, that I was better. Now my biggest fear is the vtach coming back and not being able to solve it and end up back on the medications, which I do not well tollerate.
Even almost 2 years since my ICD implant, I still freak a little sometimes. I still have my rule "The only time I'll be seen shirtless is hospitalization or death. I will not ever look myself". So, I'm a little crazy about how bad it looks, but I guess in all that's not a "Big" issue.
So, no you arn't alone. I can say it does get a little better and Jessie would say I'm a little more unique in my hatred of how it looks........