Trying to Move On

Hello,
I'm new to the group. I had my PM inserted 4/24/09. I went in for an electrophysiology study and had the PM inserted the next day. Thank God all went well and recovery has been good with the exception of depression. I'm having a very hard time accepting my fate and have all sorts of fears that I will never be the person I was before. I'm afraid of being alone and this is so hard because I have always been very independent. My husband stayed home with me for two weeks while I recovered. He is my Rock. We have to grand-kids (7 and 1 mo) and I get anxiety just thinking that I can't be alone with them for fear of some sort of heart failure. I have had a few episodes of shortness of breath and a poking type pain in my heart. I went to the ER, found that I have PVC's and was given meds to help that along. I just keep waiting for something to happen. Has anyone else experienced depression and how do you cope? I and seriously considering counseling.

10 Comments

me three

by Tracey_E - 2009-05-19 05:05:38

I'll third Patch's advice. Ask your doctor about your condition and your prognosis. I think you'll find that the pm manages your problem, and once you heal you'll be good as new. Really! Having a pm doesn't hold me back at all, it gives me the freedom to do things I never could before. I hike, ski, work out, travel all over, run a business and am an involved mom. Most people don't even know I have a pm, it's not tattooed on my forehead ;o)

Depression and a period of time to adjust is perfectly normal. If it goes beyond a bit of nervousness or the blues, don't mess around getting help. But I don't think you're there yet! You haven't even had it a month yet. Give yourself time to heal and cut yourself some slack. Vent here with us, learn what you can, ask your questions. Before you know it, you'll gradually stop thinking about it all the time and it will just become a part of you.

It's a backup!

by bowlrbob - 2009-05-19 07:05:11

What has been said above is great advice. Here is another way to look at it. My EP put it to me this way the PM is a backup. In most cases we would be able to get along without it but not function as well as we would like. With it we can have closer to a normal life and we have the advantage of having a backup should things go wrong. Those without a PM are totally on their own. If they have a problem they might die before they get help. We on the other hand have our little metal friend to help us through those times. We in a sense are better off than those that don't have a PM.
He also said to think of it like this if you were a trapeze artist would you rather work with a safety net or without a net. Our pm is our safety net. Thinking of my pm as a saftey net put the whole thing in perspective for me. I never worry about it anymore. Bowlrbob

Oh.........

by Pookie - 2009-05-19 08:05:29

and I also sent you a private message.

Pookie

Panic, Depression, Stress. etc.

by Pookie - 2009-05-19 08:05:40

You're normal !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most (not all) will go thru some type of depression, stress, etc after having a pacemaker or defib.

I made the mistake of having my hubby stay home with me for the first couple of weeks, I then became 100% mentally dependent on him, and then when he went back to work I ended up having some major panic attacks!!! It was absolutely terrible and I wish I could rewind time and not have had him stay home with me.

You will be okay. Yes, you have a lot to deal with, but its how you deal with it now which will determine how you will end up feeling. Please don't let it go. Speak to your doctors.

Most importantly....you have ALL of us. We are here to support you.

For me....it took a good year to fully accept everything both physically & mentally, but I had 5 surgeries for this one pacemaker...long story/rare case.

We're here for yah!
Pookie

Hi

by randrews - 2009-05-19 08:05:57

Man, I sure relate to what you said. when I first got my pm I found that I developed anxiety and depression. I had my first panic attack ever. It's been 2 years now and things are so much better. I'm preparing to do my first marathon.
The emotions are real so please post here with folks who get what you're saying. And keep faith, things will and do get better.
Rusty

Don't Panic!

by kmcgrath - 2009-05-21 12:05:29

I stole that title from one of my all time favorite book series from the lat Douglas Adams.

His books are so funny they are almost certain to chase the blues from anyone over most anything.

Hang in there things should get better once you get used to the device.

Kevin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Panic_(Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy)#Don.27t_Panic

I am where you are!

by nat36 - 2009-05-22 02:05:03

I got a pacemaker three weeks ago today and I have been very depressed. I am 36 and just feel like life will never be the same for me. I also feel like I should by now feel 100% again and I don't. That by itself is despressing.
It seems like everyone thinks that since I have the pacemaker I should be back to normal now. It is hard because you feel so alone even if your family is trying to be supportive.
I got my pacemaker ON our wedding anniversary so needless to say we did not celebrate. Well my husband talked me into going on a little trip somewhere close for two nights without the kids last weekend. I did not want to go because honestly I have not even been out of the house much since the surgery. I was scared that I would feel awful the whole time but he said well you will feel the same no matter where we are..so I went. It was the best thing for me! We did not do much. We got a really nice place to stay and just relaxed and DID not talk about my PACEMAKER! It was nice and you know I felt better just not focusing on it constantly!
So from now on I am going to try to keep my mind busy and TRY to stay positive.
I hope you can find a way to feel better also! It has also helped me to read that other people are going through this and I am really not alone.
Please let everyone here help you and take their word for it that it will get better. That's what I am trying to do and just taking one day at a time. Best wishes!

better living through chemistry

by PreciousDays - 2009-05-25 09:05:12

I am a firm believer in the benefits of antidepressants - there is well documented evidence that cardiac surgery of any sort affects brain chemicals. That increases the risk of depression - which increases the risk of cardiac malfunction. A very unfair cycle to be sure. Talk to your doctor about at least trying medication. Talk therapy is great - as a trained therapist I have to say I believe it is powerful and effective. However - sometimes we just need something more. I have been where you are - and it is more than uncomfortable. Depression can be as life threatening as the heart trouble that lead you there. Good luck and God Bless - PD

Been there, it will pass

by DC Pacer - 2009-05-31 02:05:09

I have been there myself - had a PM implanted two months ago TODAY, and spent a lot of time wondering how much worse my life could have gotten. I took three weeks off of work, and I almost made it much worse by sitting around worrying about it.

You will get back to normal, you will get back to better than what normal used to be for you. I work in sales and thought I would never be able to get back into the car and drive 300 miles from home for three or four days.

My doctor reminded me that I am at less risk now than when I suffered from undiagnosed WPW and chronic SVTs. It will not happen overnight, but your confidence will return. Reading many of the messages on this board has helped me in my recovery. Peace to you as you undertake this next opportunity in your life.

Thank You So Much

by bgarza - 2009-06-02 11:06:30

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and advise. I did have a great visit and exam with my cardiologist. He was more than patient and reassured me that physically I'm doing well. I do have PVCs and some palpitations so he gave me an event monitor and changed my meds to ToprolXL. He also prescribed Xanex for my anxiety attacks and an antidepressant. Talking more freely with my family about my anxiety and fears has helped. But I am also considering a therapist. This website has been a Godsend. I have learned so much, especially that I am not alone and that "I'm normal." Thank you all and God bless you all.

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Sometimes a device must be tuned a few times before it is right. My cardiologist said it is like fine tuning a car.