trying..

hi. im pretty new with this. i've had heart issues my whole life. born with hole in heart. it was repaired when i was 1. about 5 years ago found out the patch is starting to come off a bit, i have another hole in my heart, and a leaky valve. then my current stuff started about 3 yrs. ago. i was contantly dizzy, lightheaded, chest pain, running into walls, falling, fainting, passing out for more time than i should have. no one believed me it was my heart. i kept going to the er and they told i was anxious and had panic disorder. then it got serious 2 months ago. found out my top chamber was beaating 2 1/2x faster than the lower. they said it was super unusual. i had a stress test and immediatly went into heart block, lasted 5 min. before passing out. dual chamber pacer implanted 2 weeks and 4 days ago. since i've really been upbeat. but today i started to get really depressed. i hate that i have this. i know that i need it to live and for that i love it. its a love/ hate relationship. i'm frustrated with not bouncing back as fast as i thought i would. im walking 10 min a day for now soon to be 15 and so on for rehab. but ive had so many other medical things in my life that have gotten answered too this year. i had surgery in feb of this year as well. i have endometirosis, and hep c from blood transfussions from the vsd repair. went through treatment. i'm just lost. ive never been at a point in my 28 years where i wasn't sick. after that long, how do i stop living like i am all the time and just have some fun? how much longer until i recover from the pacer implantation to do the things i've always wanted? it's scary to know that i can do them and have to worry about being sick or plan for a surgery.
any advice would be very very helpful. i'm just lost and feel really alone in all this.

4 Comments

Hang in there

by NWGirl - 2009-04-28 01:04:26

Hi Newbie Gal - I was a newbie to this pacemaker stuff, also. I've had mine for six weeks today. The first couple weeks I was perky with a good attitude. Then reality hit, and I went through a couple weeks of depression. I had a hard time, also, accepting that I'd have to live with this little piece of computer in my body forever.

But you know what? I'm doing much better now. I've decided to love the little guy in my chest, because he's allowing me to live. Being able to talk to people on this board, who have been through it, has helped a lot. Also, it seems like some depression afterwards is fairly normal, but it too, passes. At week 3, I wanted instant results, and to get back into my normal life. It took a few weeks longer than I thought, so hang in there.

This morning was the first day that I woke up and thought about what I was going to do today, instead of worrying about my pm right off the bat. That is progress. And I think you will get there, too.

You have been through a lot already this year. Give yourself a little more time to heal, emotionally as well as physically.

We are thinking about you, and wishing you well!

NW Girl

normal

by Tracey_E - 2009-04-28 08:04:03

What you're feeling is perfectly normal! Many have a love/hate relationship with these little hunks of titanium. No one asked for them but many of us depend on them. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling perky and cheerful every day. Keep plugging away at your therapy and get your stamina up. Fresh air and exercise will elevate your mood as well as give you more energy, which makes it easier to cope with everything else you're dealing with.

Off topic... have you ever tried limiting hormones in your diet to control endo symptoms? I've had pretty good luck with that over the last ten years. Dairy and meat and processed foods are loaded with growth hormones which exacerbate endo sytmpoms. I feel a huge difference when I buy organic dairy and free range meats and avoid fast foods.

Feel free to vent here with us whenever you need! You're definitely not alone. There are many young people here who have been there. I was 27 when I got my first pm. I'm on #4 now so I've been around this block a few times.

thanks!

by newbiegal5 - 2009-04-28 08:04:46

thank you for all the tips! it really helps

endometriosis

by Hot Heart - 2009-04-30 03:04:31

Hi there, welcome to the club. I've got a pm, massive shock when i got it, felt awful for a while after, no energy, weight gain, depressed, it takes time to bounce back, but I'm back now. You will be too.

The endometriosis thing is a shame, got the t shirt unfortunately, as someone said up above meat etc is sometimes best avoided, as is alcohol. I became veggie and I must admit my endo did improve. If you carry a few extra pounds that can make the symptoms worse as well. Hope you soon start to feel better.

HH

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