Depressed

I am a 29 yr old (Male) World Record holder, multi-time All-Conference runner with 200+ trophies and medals. I compete in triathlete competitions as well as running and cycling events regularly. April 13, 2009 I had a pacemaker implanted. I am having a very hard time adjusting/dealing with having a pacemaker with my background. No one seems to understand me or where I'm coming from. I am a Army Officer with a Infantry specialty and I am in the middle of being "medically" discharged....WOW!!! My life has had two major changes and I feel lost and confused how this could happen to someone like me. Everyone who speaks to me is shocked as I am and doesn't know how to help me. I guess I am reaching out to people like me...

16 Comments

Hey brother!

by Christmmpace - 2009-06-08 11:06:08

What's up young man, just wanted to be the first to leave you a comment. Your living the life I onced lived, except I'm not as awesome as you are. I know it seems very confusing right now and it really shouldn't happen to anyone of us, let alone to such a successful young man. I really understand where your at with this heart condition. I got my pacemaker at the age of 28 and and it's been about a good eight years later and I'm still kicking and happy with my life. There are time when I feel the world coming down on me, but then I see that I'm not alone here. This site offers a lot of beautiful people who really care about you and what your going through. Your a part of this family my man, we're here for you. Don't let it get you down, your going to be okay, it's just a matter of time. I'll keep you in my prayers and if you ever need someone to talk to, let me know. God be with you and may you get back to being a happy young man. I'm proud of you for accomplishing all that you done so far, but, that's just the begining my man. Your going to do a lot more in the years to come. Keep your head up and be strong, things will get better I'm sure of it! :D

Christmmpace
James

You'll Bounce Back

by wiredwoman - 2009-06-08 11:06:12

Your life sounds pretty amazing up to now. And there's no reason it can't continue to be so - perhaps even better. Do allow for that very real possibility. It takes time to adjust to any life-changing event, and this certainly qualifies.

Despite the fact that I'm nearly twice your age, I was probably as shocked as you are to learn a few months ago that I'd need a PM. I never had any trouble before that. Personally, I don't buy the random universe theory and knew this was a wake-up call for me. Since then I've made some overdue changes in direction, relationships, career - just about everything - not because I think I'm checking out - on no! - but to make my heart sing. Things I'd put aside in pursuit of...what, I now wonder?

I can't even speculate as to why things like this happen to others, but there are a couple things that help a lot when I'm feeling like life sucks in all directions - maybe they'll help you. Once I've allowed myself to vent a bit (that's very important), I make a list of things I'm grateful for. I won't go all Oprah on you, but writing a gratitude list is amazingly effective. Sometimes it takes more than 20 things before I feel a shift, but I stick with it until I do. I also switch my focus to someone else - you know, try to find someone to help. It's amazing how quickly getting out of myself changes things.

I hope you feel better soon. Your life is just beginning. Know that you can make it what you want it to be.

**wiredwoman

Hang in there you're still Here

by gldoble - 2009-06-08 11:06:31

Hey WrHolder. Welcome to the wonderful world of the only real Cyborgs. We are all a good group of folks.

Firstly, you are a lot like I was. Classic AA personality over achiver, gotta be the best, gotta do the best. And look what it got you.....the same thing it got all of us.

Yes I and all of us know an can truely relate to your depression and despair. You are not alone in this.
But as you learned at Westpoint. Get up, Get it on and Get over it.

Learn to enjoy what you have been given and not what was taken away. All of the trophies and medals and all the great things you did are things you have done. SO.... what will you do now?

My new freind I am not trying to be crase or calus; it is folks like you and I that need the preverbial kick in the tail to get us going.

You will feel the pain, the depresion, the anger, the fear. No matter how good you were at differnt things before, now is your real challange. And if you are the young man I belive you are then in time you will do just fine.

So in the mean time remember you have many many new freinds who -ARE- living your life now and what you lost before is really very insignificant to what you will be getting as each day passes.

Hang tuff and learn to live....... its a lot more fun that way.

Greg

I have been there...

by brokenheart - 2009-06-08 11:06:45

Hello. I just wanted to say I have been there as well. It is very tough having a pacemaker implant. I never thought in a million years that I would be going thru all of this but it did happen and I have learned to deal with it. I got my pacemaker when i was 23 and now i am 26. I was depressed for a very long time because i could not accept the fact. My pacemaker was cause by a doctor that burned my av node by mistake so I was not expecting this outcome at all. I felt like no one understood my pain and sadness and slowly i began to drift away from my work. Its not that i didnt want to work...i couldn't. Having a pacemaker does change your life i will not lie. However, It will not destroy it. Please keep your head up and know that there are so many of us going thru the same things but we are all here to help one another. Please let me know if there is anything i can do. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and dont give up. Life goes on.

brokenheart

Keep on Moving

by phunny1 - 2009-06-09 03:06:56

hi dustin, just remember it is not just for old people. i've had mine for 9 yrs and my life improved greatly. i'm looking forward and not back.
phunny1

Life Is Better

by bmom91 - 2009-06-09 04:06:39

I recieved my first pm at age 30 so I know how your feeling! Life is different family and friends mean more to me now. I still suffer from dizziness from time to time and get tired easier however I am still able to work full time and most days I have enough energy to play a little. I hope things get easier for you and I am sorry that the military can't understand that you can still perform your job. Tell yourself your still here and you've been given a second chance.

New beginning

by DC Pacer - 2009-06-09 05:06:35

Can't echo the sentiments any more than others have done here. I had a PM implant following ablation procedures to correct WPW and chronic SVT - my AV node was nicked and it lead to heart block. I am 35 with three young daughters - this is a new chapter in a great life for you. I think many here suffered with bouts of depression (both pre and post). You have been given a new lease on life - keep looking forward.

Response to ALL

by wrholder - 2009-06-09 06:06:01

Thanks you all very much for your words of encouragement and hope. It is a speechless feeling to finely find people like me to speak to who can understand what I am going through. FYI to HH I have a pic on here....LOL for more information and pics google search "Dustin Mcclure world record" there are plenty of pics....LMAO! Again to everyone....THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

light at the end of the tunnel

by Tracey_E - 2009-06-09 06:06:47

Know that the shock and depression is perfectly normal! It should pass with time. We've all been there, please vent with us all you need. You're not alone, many of us here are young and have pm's for av block and we live active, full lives. Take a peek in the gallery, we're perfectly normal! (Ok, some of us are a little crazy but that has nothing to do with our pm's) Notice how many of the faces are quite a bit younger than you.

Also know that your running days are not over. Give it 6 weeks to heal, then there's no reason why you can't get back to your training and competing. We have quite a few members here who are marathoners. AV block is the easiest condition to fix with a pm. The heart has a short circuit, the pm completes the circuit. Your heart's natural pacemaker is still setting the pace and your heart is doing the beating, it just gets a bit of help sometimes when the signal doesn't get through to the av node. The pm gives us a perfectly normal heart rate that will easily respond to exercise.

Learn about your condition and how your pm works, knowledge is power and can speed up the acceptance. Av block is a misnomer. It's an electrical signal that is blocked, not the blocked arteries that we associate with the word "block", so your excellent physical condition could not have prevented it. It's often caused by infection. I was born with my av block and got my first pm when I was 27. I'm 42 now and am very active, much more active than I ever was before I got it. It doesn't impact my day to day life at all and most people have no idea I have it, they just see another mom who volunteers, enjoys working out and runs a business.

I'm so sorry that you're being discharged. It sounds like you've thrived in the Army and it's sad that you'll be starting a new phase of your life before you're ready. Try to enjoy the time off with your family while you figure out where the next door will lead you. Often things that seem awful at the time turn out to be good when we look back on them years later. Sounds trite, I know, but it's true. Wishing you a speedy recovery and a painless transition to civilian life.

have fun

by E from Spain - 2009-06-09 06:06:56



Hi,

No one think on having a PM implanted. I got mine last year (I’m 37) and was a “big surprise” because I was training to climb a big one in the Himalayas. It was not easy but I did not think that that was the end. NO WAY!! It’s making things a bit different and you need to get us.

I’m still getting use to it. Although I’m still getting use to my PM, I’m climbing couple of days per week and I’m thinking on mountains again.

You are young and you can decide what do you want to do with your time, but it would be really stupid to give up. You can really do everything with a PM. The only tricky thing is to find out the best settings for you. I’m still looking for them but everytime I’m getting closer to them.

If you have time you can read this interview (http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1900969,00.html ). It’s amazing what we can do if we really want to fight for something.

Take care and have fun,

Hi there!!

by Hot Heart - 2009-06-09 07:06:03

I'm 56, got pm at 55, female, mum, go getter, loved dancing, walking, going out with the girls (all who are younger than me), having a giggle.

Then wham!!!! Total heart block picked up, had no symptoms, had a pm fitted, it was just a bolt from the blue and I was shell shocked. Felt so down and depressed, became out of breath, having been fine before, put weight on, thought I was going to die. I'd never been ill in my life and being told that there was something wrong with my heart scared the hell out of me.

I suddenly thought I was going to be a little old lady with a shopping trolley waiting at the bus stop. Please dont anyone come back and tell me that there is nothing wrong with being a little old lady with a shopping trolley, there isnt. But it just wasnt something I expected to happen to me, I suppose none of us do.

ANWAYS!!! Seven months on, just been on hiking holiday, was out with the girls last night and was hoola hooping in the pub! lol. No shopping trolley, just an open top sports car, fabulous job, and living life and appreciating life more than ever. Having a pm does not make us invalids and I dont quite understand why the army are discharging you. However, you are an achiever and a fighter and I'm sure you will be able to channel this energy into something really rewarding in the future. Think of it as a new birth.

Obviously there are minor adjustments that we have to make because we are pacing, but at least I'm not at risk of dropping dead at any second, as I have been told I was before.

Let us all know how you are getting on, there will be down days, but everyone has them; and the people on here are the ones who understand and help you through those days.

Ohhh, we need a pic of you on the site!! Perhaps I can have you as my private pin up! lol

Take care

HH

Someone like you, me too!

by bgarza - 2009-06-09 11:06:56

Hi Dustin,
I too was diagnosed with bradycardia & Heart Block type III. I was quite the regular in the ER and the telemetry unit. I was referred to an Electrophysiologist, went in for an EP study and came out a couple of days later with my PM. Your feelings are so much like mine. I'm no athlete or ever have been but I did have an active life with work, family and friends. My family and I love Disneyland, Six Flags and lots of rollercoasters. I still feel like my rollercoaster riding days are over. I have good days and bad days. But this website gives me hope that better days are coming. I just need to get past the betrayal of my heart, hurt, anger and all that other junk which I'm working on with counseling and meds. It will be 7 weeks out for me this Friday and I still struggle. But all these people are wonderful in giving me hope and reminding me that I am "normal" and that what we are going through is "normal." Hang in there, I know that we will get better. You will be the world class athlete you are and I'll be riding rollercoasters with my grandchildren.

roller coasters

by Tracey_E - 2009-06-09 12:06:57

I know the signs say not to get on with a pm, but many members here love roller coasters and ride them with no problem! I'd give it a year before trying it, but your roller coaster days are not over!

keep maraching soldier

by northis - 2009-06-10 04:06:18

Hey Dustin: i am so happy that you decided to share your thoughts and feelings in this forum. Thank God that your condition was diagnosed and treated in a timely manner. I am 47 and an avid exerciser. 5 am pt five days a week and martial arts training 4 evenings per week. I have atrial fibulation and recently i experienced 4 second pauses. I received my pm two weeks ago and i'm still adjusting to the whole change in life style. Yes, Dustin you are too young to need a pm and too talented also. However, you are not too young to drop dead during one of your ten mile marches or while leading your troops into battle. Your are much too valuable a citizen to waste away with an untreated medical condition. Give yourself time to reconcile your situations and figure out how you will spend the next sixty years. Being an infantry officer or world record holder will not define your. Take your situation and share with others how an American soldiers adapted and overcame a nemisis. March on your Brave American Soldier

I Salute You Dustin!!!

by CJD2007 - 2009-06-23 10:06:09

Hi Dustin ;D

I was in the Army many moons ago, but not as accomplished nor impressive as you are!!! You are an awesome role model and I believe YOU will continue being that awesome role model!!! ;D

I had to get a PM out of the blue two years ago at the age of 47. I was doing a job that I absolutely loved...
I was a lady Locomotive Engineer. Well, after the PM
I was terminated due to the fact that I couldn't fulfill my job requirements due to the electromagnetic fields.
Truthfully, I am still struggling with that today... the loss. However, you are young and I believe with your background you will bounce back in no time ;D

Thank you for your service....

I Salute You ~
Carry On Sir!!! ;D

Dustin I am with you

by COBradyBunch - 2009-07-04 02:07:38

Talk about a shock. Two weeks ago today I was happy, healthy and having a fun summer of hiking, some biking, excercising 4-5 days a week and really getting ready to get back in my big time cycling shape. Today I am just under two weeks of having a pacemaker but in for my heart stopping and it causing syncope episodes. I am feeling so much of what you talk about and go back and forth between wanting to get back on my bike and the trains and being better than I ever had before (used to race the Bob Cook Memorial up Mt. Evans in Colorado every year) and wanting to just wallow in my depression and pissed off that even two weeks later after what I consider minor surgery I am suffering fatigue and a fair amount of pain around my incision site. I was hoping next week to start working out again but have been told until the pain around my site it less to hold off on anything other than a very moderate pace and HR.

Anyway, keep in touch. I plan on putting my bike on its trainer this afternoon and at least put in a half hour of easy peddling. I figure I have 3 months to get in shape for an end of the season centrury ride or at least half century.

You know you're wired when...

You know the difference between hardware and software.

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