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advise or support anyone?
I was just wondering if anyone would comment on dealing with teens through this. I have 2 teens 16 and 13 who do not seem to get it that mom simply cannot run around like I am 20 years old anymore.I was out at a store with my daughter and she was upset with me because I wouldnt walk faster! I told her I simply cannot as I was out of breath by this point and reminded her of my cardiac condition. She rolled her eyes!
Its not that I require sympathy just a bit of consideration for me!
After all I am the only one these kids have to rely on since my husband is seriously ill.
10 Comments
Teens?
by pacergirl - 2009-02-08 10:02:53
My 30 year did the same thing to me when I said I couldn't climb the stairs last week.
Maybe they always think we will be here? I don't know, but I do know one thing.... and that is that you are not alone. You can come here anytime and we will be here to support you.
Teens, who knows what they are thinking. At least you took her shopping! You are a brave woman!
Mother of 3 girls. All grown now, thank God!
Pacergirl,
Advice from a teen
by Spartan21 - 2009-02-09 02:02:31
Well, I am 20 years old so maybe I can help. My Mom had a very bad heart condition. She couldn't climb stairs or walk very fast. The hardest day of my life to date is the day she died when she was just 42. She was semi healthy up till the last six months. See us teens get wrapped up in our own lives sometimes. We get self centered and when we feel inconvenienced we get mean. Honestly, they need a good hit in the face with reality. Sit them down and explain to them coldly and in blunt terms the situation at hand. This may seem harsh but I know how hard it is to snap out of the dramatic world of high school. Believe me, they would rather be set straight now then continue to behave this way and (God forbid) something happen. They aren't in denial. They know what is going on. They need to be reminded.
totally agree with spartan even if they went or go to Mich. State
by walkerd - 2009-02-09 03:02:48
just kidding on that comment. But spartan is oh so right, they are young and may or may not understand the severity of a heart condition. And they may be scared to death since their dad is critically ill and you have a heart condition they dont want to think of your condition because they are scared to death of looseing you. Explain the situation of your serious condition and what could happen, could i stress alot. and then give them a big hug and tell them you love them. i know I have two daughters of my own, a little older now in late twenties but still youngesters in my eyes. Good luck and have patientice sorry for all my spelling errors, wasnt my strongest suit in school. lol. Good luck and we all pray your husband and you stay as healthy as you can.
dave
thank you everyone!
by Mrs.H - 2009-02-09 05:02:56
Thank you all for your comments. Its just good to get other perspectives sometimes. And its so nice to know I am not the only one struggling with my health and also dealing with kids which is a full time job in itself.
teens are so fun!
by Tracey_E - 2009-02-09 06:02:03
I'm so sorry you're having problems with your kids. Feel free to vent here any time, lots of other parents here!
Are the kids in denial? If dad is very ill maybe they're just afraid to admit to themselves that you have problems also. It's hard for a kid to face their parents' mortality. Even a minor heart problem is a scary to a lot of people simply because it involves the heart.
Now this is just me, but at that eye roll I'd be headed right back to my car! That's disrespectful and you deserve better. If they can't give you better, they can shop later.
Mother of 10 and 12 yr olds who are just starting to act like teens *shudder*
talk it out
by bambi - 2009-02-09 09:02:32
I bet Tracey is correct with her comment about the kids' being in denial. When my husband died, my kids were 8,10 and 11. My 10 year old daughter had already spent some scary hours in the ER with me when I passed out at the wheel with her in the car. That was the beginning of my heart problems. So when my husband died, all of my children's biggest worry and fear was they would lose me too. My daughter did everything but tuck me in at night! My oldest son reacted with denial, my youngest son reacted with anger that took him years to resolve! My advice would be to sit down, bring up these issues and talk about them. ALSO, do not back down from your stand that you deserve consideration and respect not only for your medical condition, but for simply being their mother! They definitely need limits now! All the best to you!
Bambi
Ya'll have made up my mind
by Angelie - 2009-02-09 10:02:02
That I definitely don't want children. Thanks! LOL!
kids and illness
by kcruz - 2009-02-09 10:02:57
My girls are now 9 and 16, when my troubles started they were 9 and 2. It amazes me how each child handles things. My 16 year old gets very angry with each trip to the hospital or with each procedure and in turn it cause a bit of strife. The 9 year old, has been more accepting not much in the way of anger. I do know that if they have a support system in place they tend to handle thing a bit different and can get a better perspective, share concerns with them and don't feel badly that you cannot keep up and need them to slow down, in time I think they will notice and realize "hey sis we need to slow a bit" its not a matter of you keeping up with their pace it is a matter of them coming to realize that they need to slow to your pace, beside we as people tend to want to rush way too much and soon they will see that.
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Member Quotes
Just because you have a device doesn't mean you are damaged goods and can't do anything worthwhile and have to lie down and die. In fact, you're better and stronger. You're bionic!
thanks pacergirl
by Mrs.H - 2009-02-08 10:02:40
It is so easy for me to feel alone ! I am an "older" mother to begin with! My kids will say stuff like "oh you are the same age as so and so's grandma! and all my friends had grandkids years ago and here I am with mine in middle/high school! I am so very glad I have gotten the chance to meet (online) everyone at pacemaker club!