scared!!!!

I just had a pacemaker and ICD and Defrib put in back in 2005. I had dual valve replacement in June 2006.

SInce then, I have been having difficulties coping with it for several reasons.. i am young and it made me think about life in general meaning I want to live my life to the fulliest. But for some reason, its not letting me sleep properly at night so I have been taking Ambien, Innovance medicines to help sleep at night.

So with the big move to another country and getting married on the same day, it has been a bit more difficult. I must admit, i have starting up smoking on and off and drinking more than I should. Im trying so hard to stop but my husband is a big time smoker and he has been trying to quit but everytime he has a replaspe i get sucked into doing it agian. So, we are trying to quit all together. Its driving us both nuts. I know my husband is very very concerned for my health being and hes trying so hard to quit as it has been a bad habit of his for so many years.

Its like Im pushing to the limit and Im frightened right now as I am going to see new cardiologist this upcoming friday in this whole new country. I am so scared now that ive been smoking and drinking that it has affected my heart somewhat. I CANNOT stand living in fear that I will not live to see another day. Therapy does not do any justice. I am just so glad I found this support group. There was no support group like this where I came from that i can easily talk with others.

Any calming insight would help me greatly...

Thanks!

A.G

5 Comments

Hi AG

by jenh - 2007-10-28 03:10:15

I am sorry to hear that you are so scared. You are going through alot right now. I am 34 and got my first pacemaker at age 11, so I know about facing your mortality at a young age. But I do think having a pacemaker and having had many surgeries has made me truly appreciate my life and health rather than just taking it for granted.

I also had a really difficult time sleeping after my most recent surgery and needed ambien for awhile, but am no longer using it. I did have to learn to sleep on my back, because I can feel the pacing more when I'm on my side. You may also want to talk to your doctor when you see him to see if the amount of shock can be turned down at all, while still being effective. Let him know it's affecting your ability to sleep.

I know you said that therapy has not been helpful for you. But a good therapist can be invaluable during these rough times. I was so depressed after my last surgery, I can't imagine making it through that time without someone to talk things over with each week.

I understand your wanting to quit smoking and drinking right away and your concern that it's affecting your health, but I agree with the others who said give yourself time and be gentle with yourself. You'll be better able to quit once your anxiety is under control and you're sleeping better. There are lots of great support groups (even telephone support) for quitting smoking when you're ready. But, you'll do it on your own timeframe.

I hope this helps! My heart goes out to you with all you are going through, but keep taking things one day at a time and it will get better.

Jen

Natural Response

by Carol - 2007-10-28 04:10:22

Hello Scared,
Wow, no wonder you're feeling scared, anyone would, regardless of age feel anxiety and tension dealing with all the changes you currently have on your plate.
I can remember the stress of a new marriage and I didn't have heart issues at the time, other than of the emotional kind. Any life change, good or bad, is a stressor and impacts your life. Add to that your move to a new country, away from familiar family and friends. Whew!! I am 54 yo and for the first time in my life moved (in June of this year) to a new State (not even a new Country!), and I can tell you that for me this is a BIG stress...I didn't expect the feelings of homesickness...again you're in a different Country! Add to that your health concerns...Double Whew!!!
I don't pretend to know the answers but I just want you to know that I can appreciate your feelings. Take control of the things you can i.e. treat your body well by eating healthy foods, mod exercise, etc. I won't preach about the smoking and alcohol, you already know that its not making you feel anybetter. But do confide in your new doctor about what you're going through. There is help out there for you.
I agree with all of the other comments made before mine, take each day one day at a time and try to remain positive. Self-talk is important, and when you do talk to yourself (we all do!) tell yourself positive things not negatives. Silly reference I know, but think of the "Little Engine that Could". I am a new pacer and sometimes fail at heeding my own advice, if that happens to you, pick yourself back up, and do your best to keep that positive self-talk coming. You will succeed! Sorry for the long post....I know how scary health issues coupled with life issues can be. I'm thinking of you and sending you good and healthy vibes for success! God Bless, Carol

to add to the positing "Scared!!!"

by NC2CAD - 2007-10-28 06:10:09

I forgot to add in the fact that once i got the PM/Defrib. in, everytime i go to sleep, it feels like its racing and it scares me enough not to be able to sleep. So once i take a sleeping pill, i can sleep fine but the cycle has not stopped even to this day. I hate this!

A.G.

hello scared......

by pacergirl - 2007-10-28 11:10:52

Hello, I am here and I am listening.... You deserve that. You have been dealing with so much in your young life. I didn't have to face these issues until I turned 50. I to have had many of the problems you are dealing with. I can only tell you from my experience that I have learned to live in the today. I do what I can and forget the rest. I had a lot of problems thinking I shouldn't be here.... then I realized that if that were truly the case then I wouldn't. I try to live each day to the fullest and embrace the challenges that come at me. I tell my family, friends and relatives I love them when I see them. ... Just in case. I smile more, laugh often and "live" everyday. It took some time, but it was worth the effort.
Take care, live for today and enjoy your new husband.
Best wishes for a long and happy life,
pacergirl

Too much

by Peter.Nash - 2007-10-28 12:10:56

Hi A.G.
I think you need to step back and look.... you have a lot going on ..this is only my personal opinion based on purely my own experience as an ex smoker and I also have had an ICD implant and suffered from sleepless nights.
I think you need to pack up smoking and drinking for sure.
But I think before you can really seriously consider doing so you need to get your sleep and anxiety and any health issues you have under control and stable before you do that.... a lot depends how much you are into smoking and drinking also how much will power you have... sound like hubby has been in it a long while I can tell you this it will be hard... if at first you fall off and smoke again not to worry just pick another time and start again.. this way you learn to stop and start ...and gradually it is easier to stop than it does to start something like getting to the point of no return....I can't say about the drink because apart form a social beer about once a year I don't drink.
Basically what I am saying is that you need to be in the best possible frame of mind to give up the cigg's.. some members will probably slate me for saying this ..but finishing smoking can be devastating and leave a huge whole in your life until it fills in with other things in time.... that is why you don't need to fill it in with sleepless nights anxiety and being generally down and unwell it will make a extremely hard job almost impossible.
But you and hubby have to handle it how you see fit.
Also while I was trying to finish with the smoking I found these type of adverts that keep on about people dying and pictures of them looking horribly ill...did not help me one bit in fact made me think about having another cig., but I did find great help with the adds that inspire one to pack up you have probably seen them your self.

All I can say is that it is worth it in the end the more you try the easier it becomes. and the best thing of all is looking back knowing you have beat it gives you a great feeling of accomplishment....Best of luck I hope you feel better soon... keep up to speed on this site there are lots of people here than can give you lots of advice... mine is only just as an ex smoker..Peter

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