Afraid to leave the house

Just found this group totally by accident. I'm a. 78 year old woman that went into afib when I was 32. It was permanent. I never felt anything until I was 72. That's a nice long run of excellent health and no complication from my heart. I started getting short of breath about 4 years ago and long story short, I ended up with a micra pacemaker. It's a small pacemaker that is placed right in your heart. That little thing caused one side of my ventrical to enlarge SIGNIFICANTLY causing me to need a two lead pacemaker. I can not tell you how angry I was at both the doctors and myself. I didn't do any research on this micra pacemaker so I blame myself. The 2 lead was placed less that 2 years ago. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I had severe chest pains Maybe 3 total, very sharp pains and thought I was going to pass out. I sat down and everything went away. I thought that was wierd and went about my day. Twenty minutes later my doctors nurse call and ask me I felt anything. She made an appointment for 5 days later. I kept walking 4-5 miles a day and drove to my doctors who is two hours away all the time thinking he'll say yay, yay ,yay  and then he showed me the reading from metronics. The entire event lasted 9 seconds. He said this gone on 2 more second I probably wouldn't have gotten up off the floor. He said that is what happens with sudden death and rushed me in the hospital for an ICD. 

So now I have this new ICD and I'm scared to do anything for fear it will fire or that it won't fire. I've been having panic attacks, short of breath, the works. Readmitted to local hospital for breathing problems and all test are normal. Doctors think I had a panic attack or stress. I want to cry all the time. I've got to get ahold of myself but I can't get this idea the ICD is going to shock me or it will malfunction and not shock me. When I leave the house I put on all fresh makeup, and clean underware.........you know what your mother always told you.......and force myself out the door. I know depression and fear are normal after something like this but I have no idea how to get past it. I've made an appointment with a shrink of some ilk, I call her my life coach. That's the only thing I can think to do. I'm already on antidepressants and setatives. I need help and no one understands because they've never been here. Any ideas, please share them with me. I don't want to be like this forever. Thank you, Beth

5 Comments

Welcome

by Penguin - 2024-08-24 12:46:26

Hi Beth and Welcome! 

You've trodden a long and difficult path before arriving here! I'm so sorry to hear that you went through all of that. It is certainly a great deal to go through and I'm not in the least bit surprised that you feel the way you do. Don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. I doubt anyone would be any different in your situation. 

You're doing all the right things - contacting your clinic when there are difficult symptoms and consulting a therapist because you're frightened now.  Therapy and talking it all through with a trained counsellor who is used to dealing with anxiety should be helpful to you.  Talking to peers (like forum members on here) particularly those with ICDs is likely to be helpful too. Many report being afraid of being shocked and - helpfully - some report that they've been able to quell those fears because they have the right device in place. 

However, it takes a while for the brain to catch up, and currently lots of things haven't worked out as you expected and life keeps throwing you curved balls. Your brain is probably on high alert waiting for the next stressor. It takes time for that feeling to settle down. Lots of us have experienced similar feelings and felt anxious. It's incredibly usual. 

Keep talking to us on here. Hopefully someone will come along with similar experiences to yours and an ICD and provide a bit of friendly chat and empathy.  I have a simple pacemaker so I don't have the fear of a shock, but like almost everyone else here I recognise how it feels to be told that something isn't working as it should in my heart - and yes, it's scary initially. 

You will feel better in time, but give yourself space to feel as you do and work through it. 

We're here for you when you need us. 

Big hugs xxx

Big hugs

by Julros - 2024-08-24 14:16:25

Beth, my dear, you have endured a lot and most likely have post-traumatic stress. I too, have had panic attacks and they are awful. Mine leave me feeling like I can't breath and I can barely speak. When I feel them coming on, I get quite irritable and have been incredibly rude to medical staff, which in turn, leaves me feeling bad. I have worked with couselors and have an anti-anxiety med I take prior to medical visits. The medical visits  ironically, seem to trigger the attacks. 

You very likely have high levels of adreneline coursing through your system, and it will take some time to reregulate this. It may sound simplistic, but breathing exercises and mindfulness exercises do work. I use an app on my phone called Headspace. And when you can get in to talk to someone, this wil help too.  I have read good things about EMDR, too, although I haven't tried that. 

I do have an ICD, and I actually don't fear it. Perhaps because I am a retired cardiac nurse and have seen them save lives, I have confidence in the technology. I haven't heard of them ever failing to fire. I had a patient grab my arm once just before his fired, and I got a shock. Not pleasant, but I've felt a lot worse, like post-op pain.  And if it doesn't work, well, I've lived a good life. My son and sister have them too, as we have an genetic condition that puts us at risk for sudden cardiac death. 

As Penguin said, you can come here to chat and be supported. But what you are feeling is real and understable. And it will get better. 

Best wishes, 

Julie

🪷🪻🌻

by Lavender - 2024-08-24 21:23:36

Hugs. You have received excellent advice. I don't have an ICD. I do have a CRT-P. I would probably react exactly as you have. I was an emotional wreck after getting my pacemaker following a 33 second heart pause. 

I went out and forced myself to increase my length of time out and distance traveled. I listened to lots of anti anxiety messages. I especially benefited from youtube Michael Sealey soft quiet supportive self meditation. 

In time you will begin to trust your body more. Til then, May God send healing and peace. May good friends uphold you. May you take time for yourself-manicure, pedicure, massage? Even if it's as simple as taking out a lawn chair and watching the clouds...divert and redirect your thought patterns. Listen to music from your teenage years. Laugh. 

God bless. 

I Understand

by Grateful Heart - 2024-09-02 00:14:44

I'm sorry you are having a rough time but I understand.  I have an ICD and was literally afraid to move fast from my chair because I thought I might get shocked.

I didn't know what to expect and it is not explained.  At 50 years old, I didn't know anyone who  had an ICD and I didn't know about this site so there was no one to ask.   I didn't find this site for almost 2 years later.   I'm 67 Now and on my 2nd device.  You will be ok!!

I signed up for Cardiac Rehab with the approval of my cardiologist.  They monitor you while you exercise, the nurses were great and reassuring if you might have a problem.  That was one of the best things I have ever done!

 If you have any questions, please feel free to ask....that's why we are here.  :)

Grateful Heart      

Where am I?

by Dcn Paul - 2024-10-21 22:27:41

Odd subject but that is how I feel. I am lost. Got my pacemaker on Monday. Had complications (stroke and heart attack) on Wednesday. Kept me in the hospital for the week and now I'm doing PTSD. I'm afraid to move for fear of another complication. I "was" an active 75yr old athlete who's heart must have just gotten old. I'm beatened down and feel defeated.

Tell me things will get better!!

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The experience of having a couple of lengths of wire fed into your heart muscle and an electronic 'box' tucked under the skin is not an insignificant event, but you will survive.