Good morning everyone. I want to begin by apologizing for complaining on my very first post, and I want to aplogize for a long rant. I viewed some post before joining, and realize that my feelings might not be new and that everyone's journey is unique to that person. I'm only 10 days post surgery and mentally I feel defeated with tons of regrets.Regrets about allowing the doctor to put the pacemaker in because I just don't feel better, and I regret "pulling" the trigger and not waiting until I was better educated on options. I have always been very independent and strong. A story I've read on this forum from others, but now I feel weak, removed, and alone. I feel angry at my wife and I feel angry at myself. I feel angry with her because I felt she was always talking about how I look like I've aged so rapidly over the past couple of years and that I ignore all of my problems. That I need to be there for her and our son, and that if I don't do something I would be failing them. My opinion has always been that if I don't let a problem get in my head, it will resolve itself. My story really begins back in 2019. I felt my heart racing one day to a point that it concerned me. This is extremely unusal for me because I found out that my medical records have been marked with "sinus bradycardia" for years. I use to get a kick out of people in the medical field seeing how low my heart rate could be. Anyway, I went to go see my primary care doctor and she quickly referred me to a cardiologist. They did the usual test, holter monitor, ecocardiagram, and stress test. Diagnosis was "sinus bradycardia." They said I was healthy and no concerns. I also need to point out that I've been on CPAP at night for about 12 years. About a year later, I had another incident that prompted another referral to a cardiologist. A different cardiologist then the first one. I went along with it because my wife would say, you seem to stop breathing at night and then jolt yourself. This time they had me wear another holter monitor for 30 days. I received a few calls from them in the course of the 30 days asking me if I was ok...did I pass out? I would respond that I was fine and didn't pass out that I was aware. The events always seemed to happen when I was sleeping. The nurse said I had a "pause" and that I need to get in to see the doctor right away. So, I did, and the first words were "pacemaker." I said, "what?" He said you need a pacemaker. I informed him that I wasn't ready for one and that the thought scared me. He said, well, you'll need one sooner or later, with my response being, "we all need something sooner or later." He asked that I come back in 6 months. Well, I didn't. I didn't return to see him for a couple of years because I was doing some test for the VA. I requested to see the same cardiologist, and this time he was more hesitant about the pacemaker, but did the same test all over again, but wearing a monitor this time for only 3 days. In those 3 days I did have some more pauses, but short ones, some they said were nothing to worry about. I need to say, I pushed to see him because at the beginning of this year, I had a couple of months of just feeling tired all the time, and feeling out of breathe more than I should. I noticed by my smart watch that that my bpm would run low even when awake and at work. If I was to walk around, I could get my heart rate back up though. I reported this to the doctor and he said, well, eventually you'll need a pacemaker, but there's no rush. He went from a couple years ago acting like I needed one right away or I could pass out while driving to saying I was on the younger side and that it could wait. My wife kept telling me that I need to pursue this and that she was mad at me for not taking care of my health and that our son needs a father. So, I mentioned to the doctor what about this "leadless" pacemaker I've read about. First he said I was a good candidate, but due to my age I would need probably several over the course of my life. This went on for what seemed like an eternity with people telling me I look tired all the time to me starting to accept that I might need one sooner than later. The cardiogist then referred me off to another one in the group who specializes on the electrical side of the heart. I met this guy once, he reviewed my records, asked me a couple of questions...with my wife saying...he's been run down more than he will admit. The guys looks at me and says, "pacemaker" if you want to feel better. I said I've come around to accepting the possibility and was interested in the "leadless." He said, "nope," I will need dual chamber pacing because I have sick sinus syndrome and it will require the traditional. If he was to put in the leadless, the right atrium and right ventrical could battle each other and come out of sync because they only use the Medtronic and their leadless isn't designed for dual chamber pacing. I asked, "when," because I need to think about it. He said a couple of weeks. I was stunned and thought I had time to think because they're need to get approval through the VA and we all know that the government doesn't move fast on anything. His assistant called the next day and said, we have approval and just need you to choose a day. I was give a choice of 4 days from then up to 11 days. I chose the 11 days thinking I could come to terms in my mind. I thought I was ok with it, but now, 10 days post surgery and I regret it. I haven't felt better, I've felt worse. My son seems to avoid me, and I feel as if I've been a let down. I regret not waiting some more years. If I had, could the new FDA approved Abbout Aveir dual chamber be readily available with more doctors close that could sucessfully do the surgery? Then I wouldn't have this constant reminder as I feel this thing in my body? If I don't feel better, then was my bradycardia just one of those cases where people live with it, and if so, why was this approved so fast after getting a second opinion? I have even thought about trying to see if I could get it removed, or even replaced with the leadless, but now the wires are in my heart? I am angry, I feel weak, and I feel removed from the person I use to be. I'm sorry for the long rant. I know everyone has their own journey, and I know there are others who would have incidents like passing out often and that things had to move along quickly. But I can't help but wonder, what if this thing isn't pacing that often, and if so, was my health really in danger, and could it have waited? Whoever reads this, thank you for listening.
You know you're wired when...
Like the Energizer Bunny, you keep going.
I just had this miracle implanted two weeks ago and Im feeling better.