not wanting pacemaker / anxiety?
sorry if i'm not posting his in the right forum, but i'm just feeling so lost and trapped, and i don't know who or where to look for answers. i don't technically have a pacemaker yet, but i'm getting one implanted inevitably.
i'm fifteen and i was diagnosed with third degree av block (complete heart block) within the last year. i'm asymptomatic to a certain extent, but have a low enough rate (39 resting) that my dx told me that it's basically impossible for me to not have a pacemaker by the time i'm eighteen.
i feel really stupid for saying this, but i'm really afraid of getting a pacemaker implanted. the idea of just having some device inside me for the rest of my life just gets under my skin, literally, and i'm so scared about all of the possible complications and side effects. i'm really active and i'm afraid that getting this will totally decimate my fitness. i don't want to be dependent on a smart device for the rest of my life, especially because i'm on the younger side of people who get pms implanted. also like hacking? i've been researching it this past day and the idea of having a cloud-connected device inside of my at all times is kind of petrifying.
at first i was totally fine with the idea of getting paced, but now after more research, it seems to carry so many other side effects and complications within life that i just don't know what to do, and i don't want to have to deal with those complications for the rest of my life.
i have to wait for the day my heart is weak enough to get a pacemaker, and i'm just so scared . does anyone have any advice on getting overt this? sorry if it sounds like i'm being overdramatic, this is all just so foreign to me.