I'm not posting this to concern anyone because I' sure it's rare, My defibrillator shocked me 8 times a little over a week ago duueto a malfunction. I'm having a very hard time calming down over this as it was very traumatic sitting there knowing it was going to happen again and again. It has since been shut off so I was told but my anxiety is still very high and the doctor has put me on medication to calm me but I still cry a lot. Any advice or anyone who has been through this and how they moved passed it would be so much appreciated. Thank you.


You are stronger than you know...

by crustyg - 2020-07-10 10:13:19

What a truly terrible experience you've suffered - my heart goes out to you.

In your shoes, I'm sure that I would have become more and more angry - and that this would have just made things worse.  I suspect that your more Zen approach is better.  Another contributor here has described how it feels to have an ICD fire, and I can truly believe that it's not something that anyone would wish to experience more than once: eight times is close to torture.

How to move on? Once you've satisfied yourself that a) the ICD is still ready to save your life (they didn't implant one because they were feeling nasty that day, but because it *might* one day save your life), and b) it really isn't going to fire *unless* you have a life-theatening arrhythmia then it's time to focus on, and really concentrate on, living again.

A constant theme from folk who *have* suffered torture is that recovery is *not* looking back and reliving the horror of the experience, but looking forward and rebuilding a life that includes positive things - friends, family, giving thanks for having survived, and giving to others (usually time or care), or work.  Really concentrating on the future, future goals, things to look forward to.  Your attitude is everything.

I know that it risks sounding as though I'm trivialising your experience but I'm not.  Only you can turn your face to the future and make it better inside your head.  Try to get off all mood medication as soon as you feel strong enough.  It's a useful crutch for a week or so, but after that it saps your will and fogs your thinking and that's not good for you.

Thank you for sharing this truly horrible experience: it's a brave thing to have done.

Best wishes.

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