Relationships, scars and secrets, help!
I’ve had a heart condition all my life however It wasn’t a big part of me, I had cardiologist appointments once a year and nobody even knew about my heart condition (expect family and a few close friends) because I never felt the need or comfort to let it out. When I was 12 my condition worsened and I got my PM and since then it’s been a pretty big impact on my life but still nobody knows about it (including friends) because they never knew about my condition in the first place (as I mentioned earlier). I’m 15, turning 16 now and my pacemaker and condition has definitely played a much larger role in my life and I wasn’t worried about this at 12 but now that I’m a teenage girl and have started dating it worries me! Here’s my problem: when I start getting into a relationship with a guy I really like I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t know about my heart condition or pacemaker and I fear that telling him will scare him away and others if he decides to share and he won’t wanna be with me cause I’m “sick”. But If Im not ready to tell him and I don’t it will cause problems in the relationship because if things get serious and last longer he’s going to find out about my heart condition and see my scar on my chest eventually and i fear that 1) we will fight over why I never told him and how I kept such a big/important part of my life a secret from him even though he’s my boyfriend and I’m supposed to “trust him and tell him everything so he can be there” and 2) my scar will bother him and he’ll find it unattractive. I don’t know what to do! Do I tell him? Or keep hiding it? It’s hard because it’s taken me so long from when I was 12 til now to accept my illness and scar and what if he doesn’t accept it? but I hate lying whenever he asks to go places like Canada’s wonderland where I can’t get past security or ride the magnetic rides without making up some excuse. Anyways I heard there where some teens on here or people who had their PM as teens, if you were ever in a similar situation like mine or have any advice it would be greatly appreciated!! Thanks :)