Depressed since I had my icd put in

I'm a very active person who works out 5 days a week and jogs. I was at the gym last week when I felt dizzy and fainted. I had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest luckily someone at the gym knew cpr and there was a defibrillator nearby. Drs have no idea what caused my heart to go into that lethal rhythm. They put in an icd yesterday and I'm in pain today. I've Made my depression worse by reading posts of ppl who said after the 6 weeks was up they couldn't go back to the gym. I know I should be thankful to be alive but I love working out. Drs assure me that I can resume normal activities after 6 Weeks, but now I'm not so sure

3 Comments

Why me?

by Theknotguy - 2014-12-17 10:12:15

Tuckanow87:

Like you, I was walking down the trail, not a care in the world, laughing at the dogs, taking pictures. I remember getting the tunnel vision that you get before passing out, remember seeing a jogger running up the trail, remember seeing two very bewildered dogs, at which time I figured out I was lying on the ground. I remember almost nothing of the next 6 days.

Unlike you, I knew I was a heart patient. But I was taking my medications as told, was exercising ( 3.5 miles with the dogs), was doing everything they told me. In spite of doing everything I could, I still ended up in a 6 day coma and woke up with a PM. What I didn't learn until later was that I had died in the ambulance and died again in the ER. I also had a broken rib, cracked rib, collapsed lung, and (something I didn't find out for six months) another cracked rib. There were adverse reactions to the medications. Changes to medications. A couple more trips to the hospital to calm my heart and help it work with the PM and the new medication. I needed two people to help me stand up. Wasn't allowed to go to the toilet by myself. Had to have a walker to walk. Wasn't allowed to leave my hospital bed unless someone went with me.

Doctors say I had an "undefined heart event."

Recovery has been over a year.

Depression at your stage is normal.

Your brain is telling you it doesn't like being where it is. I don't blame it, I wouldn't (and didn't) either. But, as you said, you're alive.

At this time, medical science can't tell us why these things happen to us. I thank God (or whatever deity you wish) that I live in a county advanced enough to keep me alive. So you can be grateful for that. Think of it this way, if you hadn't been exercising and taking care of yourself, you might not have survived to be where you are. Oh, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent your "event" from happening. So it isn't your personal fault because you're where you are.

During the first three months where I could barely get out of bed, I was wondering if that was all I would get? Would I be doomed to a life of being a burden to others, confined to a hospital bed, a walker or a wheelchair? It seemed impossible at first.

So what did I do? Well, first, I tried to be as positive as I could. I was told it would be over a year and that I would have setbacks. They were right. There were setbacks and it took over a year. But with each setback, I'd think, that's a setback they told me about. When I didn't make as much progress as I'd like, I'd think - it isn't a year yet. Gradually things started getting better. At five months I was out of rehab. At seven months I started back into a "normal" routine. At a year I was at 95%.

The next thing I did was to listen to my therapists. I did everything they asked. Got yelled at for doing more than they asked too quickly, but kept at it. Started out walking with the walker up and down the hospital corridors. When I could get out and walk, I did 500 feet twice a day. Then increased the distance slowly as I felt better. Was up to over a mile before I went into cardio rehab. I made goals for physical therapy but didn't get upset if I didn't make it by a calendar date. My body told me when I could progress.

I talked with people who would help. That included people who could help me with mental issues. I'm volunteering at a charity where I help people less fortunate than myself. I visited therapy dogs - you can't beat a cold nose and warm heart. I don't get upset about minor things - life can be too short. I tell my family I love them - something I didn't say often enough before. I laugh whenever I can. I don't waste time with people who don't want to listen to me - life can be too short. I discovered you can't take it with you - material possessions don't matter as much.

I can do 99.999% of what I did before I had my PM. If anything, instead of being a hindrance, it has been a wonderful help. I no longer get dizzy when I stand up, no longer have to stop and catch my breath. I'm back doing everything I did before having the PM except for the .0001 % I can't do. Big deal, so what! The dogs and I hiked the trail where I collapsed. It's 3.5 miles, we did 4.5 - everyone slept good that night.

Forgot to tell you, I was 64 at the time, so I've got a few years on you. Your youth is a great positive asset - especially with the good looking nurses!

So look at your depression as illogical thinking. You'll get that after having a PM sometimes. Talk with someone who can help with the depression. Then take a look and see what you want to do with your life. With the PM you've got a lot of living to do and it's a wonderful world out there. Go out and enjoy it!

Welcome

by bluebowtye - 2014-12-17 11:12:53

Hello!

Those feelings you are experiencing are totally normal. We have all been there and can relate. Everyone has given you some really good advice. There is also a great post by donr called "some tough love for newbies" You can search for it up in the top right corner of the page. That really helped me come to grips with having to get a pacer unexpectedly.

I wish you the best of luck. I found learning as much as I could about my condition and pacemakers in general helped so much. This site is a great resource and there are lots of caring, knowledgeable people here to help.

Take care,
~Sheila

Starting is the worst part

by kayak.eric - 2014-12-19 02:12:29

At this point I may just be a broken record but you are not alone. My story is similar. I was about to get on my bike to go to school in the morning and I woke up on the garage floor. I was a very active 14 year old boy. All the limitations sucked but I have worked through everything, and now, I recently had my second ICD put in, so I am going through a second round of activity limitations. But when limitations are gone, I will go back to mountain biking, snowboarding, kayaking, and my generally active lifestyle.

I know that it is tough to see right now, but it gets better with time. The best thing that worked for me is to take it day by day and focus on the small improvements and happiness.

I hope that this helped at least a little and know that you are not alone in your struggles.

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