Getting things off my chest.

• by yukon
• 2014-09-10 01:09:04
• Surgery & Recovery
• 1319 views
• 1 comments

Hi Everyone,
I am so grateful this site exists and that people have shared some of their experiences. How valuable and deeply touching. I have a family history of cardiomyopathy and have felt quite lucky to have cruised through life asymptomatic with no restrictions to exercise and lifestyle compared to others in my family who have had significant challenges throughout. I recently turned 40 and spent much of my 30's pregnant/breastfeeding/in chronic back and hip pain. The kids are older - ha! - 3, 5, and 7 and I feel like a new person. I have been biking, yogaing and crossfitting like crazy and loving it. Sleep and time took care of all the ailments associated with having kids.

My cardiologist recently referred me to a heart function clinic and an electrophysiothrerapy clinic. I suspected it would be a pretty breezy trip to the "big city" to go shopping for shoes and east some good food. I met with a nurse and explained how ramipril made me dizzy and so I didn't take it too often and how I had been feeling great in the past year. She nodded and I though to myself, "Finally, someone who understands." Then she lauched in on how EXACTLY my heart was functioning. Although I felt good, that wasn't going to last too much longer as the left ventricle was becoming larger, EF was at 30%, I was retaining water, etc.etc. She said I need to be diligent with the ramipril and start on beta blockers to shrink my heart. With a heart rate already below 40 sometimes, the only option is to have a pacemaker. Because there has always been a risk of sudden death in the family, the ICD is also now involved.

Gosh, I really do feel lucky to have gone through life with no complications. I just can't help but feel so sad about this. I did think that I would be able to get through this life with no interventions. And I recall when I was in labour with one of the urchins how the doc informed me before he broke my water that one intervention can lead to another. That is how I feel about the drugs and the ICD/PM. This intervention might lead to more interventions. With labour there was a definite end. Baby is born. But with this I am not confident this will be the last intervention.

They haven't given me a date yet but said sometime in the middle of October. Part of the anxiety stems from that I suppose too. I'll have to leave home for a bit and leave my family. Even the idea of shoe shopping doesn't perk me up. How pathetic is that!

It is great to have this forum to express some of these thoughts. My pattern is to stress out a lot in the beginning and then sail through the experience. With the advice I have read here, hopefully I'll be able to do just that.
Cheerio and thanks.