what i am feeling before and after

hi my name is Olivia, and I am 12 years old I just got a pacemaker on January 6th 2014. before I got the pacemaker I used to be full of energy and play sports then I fell and died 5 times. when I went to the hospital and the doctors told me I would need a pacemaker I was scared at first but after I got the pm I went home and now I only shut myself in my room I get home from school and I lock myself in my room. does anybody feel like this or felt like this?

10 Comments

Olivia

by Bostonstrong - 2014-02-15 10:02:29

Talk to your parents about this. You have been through a lot. Your parents have been through a lot too with this but need to know how your feel now. You will be able to play sports again when your doctor clears you. There's a little bit of an adjustment with any surgery or illness but you are going to be fine. It must have been so scary for you when that happened. But now you have the pacemaker to keep your heart beating. Please talk to your parents about how you feel as soon as possible. Sending hugs and wishes for you to feel better soon.

Hi Olivia

by Grateful Heart - 2014-02-15 11:02:00

Welcome, I'm so glad you found us. This is a good place to ask questions and talk about your concerns with the pacemaker. In the beginning it takes time to get used it. It's all new and very scary but when we realize it is doing it's job and keeping us alive, believe it or not it becomes our friend.

As time goes on you will start to feel more energy. There are many settings on our pacemakers that the Doctor's can change to make us feel better, especially when we are active. They usually will wait a few months before they make changes to let the swelling go down and until we get used to our devices.

Depending on why you needed it, you should be able to get back to sports and life and not have to worry about dying again because your pacemaker will be there working for you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that at your age. You have been through a lot and you are a special, strong young lady. Good things are in your future, I can tell.

Can you talk to your parents or a close friend and teach them about your pacemaker as you learn too. I have found the more I learn about it, the more comfortable I have become with it. Kinda like when you break your leg or arm.....you know it will get better, it will just take some time.

There are a lot of good people on this site and we have all been new to this, so please don't feel alone....you have us to talk to......anytime. We're here to help you learn and get used to all of this. Ask any questions.

Hugs for you.

Grateful Heart

At 12 it's really hard

by Theknotguy - 2014-02-15 11:02:00

At age 12 it's really hard to process everything that has happened to you. It's really scary, there's no one your age who has gone through the same thing, and you really don't know what to feel. So it's quite normal for your brain to start working overtime. Then, of course, your brain kicks off your adrenal glands, which produce adrenaline, and you get into a panic mode. Then, when the adrenaline wears off, you're tired and depressed. All quite normal feelings for what you've been through. Oh, and they also have the voltage set higher on your PM and that makes you feel a little more anxious. Like I said, all quite normal feelings.

After everything you've been through, at your age, it is quite normal to want to shut yourself in your room. It's normal to go into a depression after what you've been through. Your feelings are normal for what has happened. Your brain is trying to process what has happened and having extra distractions doesn't help.

Like you, I collapsed, then died at least three times. They couldn't get my heart started at the hospital until they put in a temporary pacemaker. Then waited four days to see if I would survive. I was in a coma for six days. So when I woke up it was a lot to take in. So I can really understand what you've been through and why you feel as you do.

What I was able to do was to talk to a psychologist about my feelings, what happened, what were my concerns. What you've been through is a lot for your brain to process. Having someone with whom you can talk and who can help you with your feelings would be great. Hopefully you can get that kind of help.

What you need to do is to start talking with people. First, let your parents know you're hiding in your room and shouldn't be doing that. If they won't listen, call either your family doctor or your cardiologist and let them know. For what you've been through, it's OK to have emotional help.

If your medical insurance won't pay for a psychologist, there may be clergy with whom you can talk. There are other help groups. I encourage you to find them.

This has been a rough personal experience for you. However, people your age are expected to live to at least age 100 with modern medical technology. So you've got a lot of living to do. If you look over this forum you'll see that most of the people with pacemakers lead a very normal life. So that means, once you are adjusted, you can lead a very normal life too. You'll just have an extra piece of machinery. Maybe more technology than wearing glasses, but still good technology.

To summarize. Your feelings are normal for what you've been through. There is help for what you are feeling. After getting help, you should start to feel normal. There is a lot of life to live. You deserve it.

Hopefully your parents will give you all the help you need. I certainly hope so. You are also more than welcome to come back to this forum and have discussions with people on this forum.

Hang in there. Life gets better. You've got a lot of living to do and you deserve it.

Theknotguy

Time

by Marie12 - 2014-02-16 07:02:45

This is all so new for you and at such a young age. It's hard to believe right now but time will make things better for you and everyone else in your family. It is normal for people to treat you like a fragile piece of glass until they see you are normal. It's also normal for you to need some alone time to adjust to this but don't let that get out of hand so that you are excluding everyone else in your life.

There are on line support groups for young people with pacemakers. I think there is one on facebook. You should try and connect with them so you are talking to people your own age.

Perhaps one way to show everyone that things can be normal is for you to slowly start activities you did before once your doctor says it is ok. It scares me that you are hiding in your room. Get out, go for a walk, spend time with your family so they won't worry about you so much.

scared

by manaman - 2014-02-16 08:02:15

Sorry hear about your scare! 12 is a tough age BUT be thankeful your problem was caught and corrected.
Learn how to use and cope with your new toy ! Age doesn't mean anything whether it is 1 year old or 101 years old we all have to learn how to deal with our new toy.
Here is a list of things I found I cannot do with my pacer:
CONTACT SPORTS. The rest is what YOU want your limits to be.
After the doctor turns you loose go slowly and gently into your NEW life. Your body will tell you what you can and cannot do. BUT, please DO NOT lock yourself in a
room and build a feeling of being thrown away. Talk to your parents and friends and help them understand what you feel. You can be as much help to them as they can be for you. Live life to it's fullest (you have a long life to live)
Cecil

Hi Olivia

by Pacemum - 2014-02-16 10:02:00

It can be really scary but the pacemaker is there to stop you collapsing and it will help you to enjoy and continue to do the things that other young ladies do.

My daughter has had her pacemaker since being a baby and she will be 14 in a few weeks. She enjoys dancing and regularly goes to classes with all her friends. We live in the UK and at her school they have three groups for physical education a top, middle and bottom. She is in the middle group and does very well.

Give it a couple of months for your restrictions to be lifted and there will be loads of sports and activities that you will be able to enjoy.

We also have specialist nurses in the UK who can talk to young ladies your age so talk to your parents and see if they have one at your hospital you can talk to.

i'm not scared

by olivia.walker87@yahoo.com - 2014-02-16 10:02:47

I am not scared like I said I was scared at first but now I know to live with it I just want to stay in my room because nobody gets it I am fine now I just like being in my room doing my own thing being on my own because during the summer I am might be able to go horse back riding but like I said I like being on my own no one to tell me I cant because when I am locked in side my room I am free.......



FREE!!!!!!!

Olivia

by Grateful Heart - 2014-02-16 11:02:33

I notice your moniker is an email address. While the members here are good and kind, anyone can see this site.

I suggest you change your name to not contain your email address. You don't need any weirdos contacting you. Safety first.

Grateful Heart

Not scared

by Grateful Heart - 2014-02-16 11:02:50

If you are not scared then you are very brave because I sure was scared when I got mine.

Why don't you show your parents this site so they can learn how people with pacemakers can still be very active. There are runners and marathoners here, triathletes, bikers, skiers, horseback riders, swimmers, golfers, tennis.....just about everything.

It will help your parents learn to stop telling you "you can't". It will be good for you and them and they can ask any questions they may have. Now that would be freedom!

Grateful Heart

Olivia

by Casper - 2014-02-16 12:02:53

Grateful heart makes an excellent point, it's a good idea to change your moniker.

Give it time, your parents need time to accept this, all I can say is that there justly concerned for your well being.

I wish you well and hope to hear that you'll be riding horses this spring.

All the best,

Casper

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