Pacemaker Club: Does anyone else feel like an outsider?

Does anyone else feel like an outsider?

by JessD
2013-03-10 10:03:00
ICDs
1413 views
3 comments

I had my defib placed in my chest when i was 9. Since then my life has literally turned upside down. I have regular shocks from my defib so i now have depression I dont no if its just because im not strong enough to cope with this or what but I have these hideous scars on my chest were the defib has been implanted twice and a lump on my chest where he device actually is I dont like wearing low cut tops or dress's.. I feel like freak because people always stared when i got changed.... is there anyone else who knows what it feels like?

3 Comments

I can relate!

by TalkinCardio - 2013-03-10 05:03:23

Hi Jess, my defib has never shocked me so I cant really help you there.

I had my first OH surgery when I was 2 yrs old so when I was young I always bought clothes that covered my scar. It was a rude wakening when I got to middle school and had to change in the locker room for PE! I would try to turn my back to everyone until one day a girl caught a glimpse of my scar and said real loud, EWWWWWW, what's that??!! I wanted to run! Once I told her what it was, she was so interested in the story that she ended up being real nice to me after that. Then I realized that the kids were fasinated by what I had gone through and no one ever made a comment again. I hope this helps a little.

Cathy

I can relate!

by ICDBros - 2013-03-12 04:03:54

Check out our youtube video.. you can see my brother (17) and my scar (19)
youtube.com/user/icdbros

Outsider

by Nicole33 - 2013-03-22 08:03:58

Hey JessD. I do feel like an outsider along with you. Although we both know there are a LOT of people walking around with ICDs or PMs it doesn't make it any easier. I have had heart disease all my life and when I was younger I was even excited to tell people about it, I never was embarrassed or ashamed BUT I did not have a ugly scar on my chest then. That makes a world of difference between yours and my experience. I had my ICD originally implanted on January 2005 and was just replaced on March 11th of this year. Sitting on the couch Sunday morning and all of a sudden there was a faint beeping noise coming from my chest! I called my dr, said go to ER and they would interrogate it to see what was going on. Well, long story short my lead had broke! They were part of the big recall back in 2006, I believe.
Anyway, yes I do understand and feel as if I am an outsider! I am 33 years old, can no longer work due to physical incapabilities as well as deep depression, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and complete fear of my ICD firing off. I would love to share more with you and hear more of your experience and lifetime reality of living with this box!

Take care,
Nicole