Telling young children about PM's.

Hi,

I last posted just after my baby received his pacemaker at 5 days old. The help and support I received was invaluable and helped me through a very tough time. My little boy is 7 months old now and is amazing! He's doing really well, so well in fact that it does occasionally slip my mind about his PM. He's got a 6 month check up next month and as odd as it may sound I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice to see the cardiologist & nurses who looked after me so while I was pregnant only this time I'll have my little boy with me to show off to everyone and hopefully I won't be crying all the time!
The reason I'm posting is because I have a 4 year old son too. He's an amazing big brother and adores and dotes on his baby brother.
He doesn't know anything about his brother having a PM only because at the time it was too upsetting for us to try and tell him and he wouldn't have really understood. Recently he's come home from school asking what's inside of him, talking about blood, his heart beating etc so I wondered if now was a good time to start chatting a little bit about his brothers PM just so in a few years it doesn't come out of the blue for him. I know it's not him thats actually had the PM but we're a family so it's something we're all going to be going through and I don't want it to be a shock for him, I kinda want him to look back and it be something he's always known about.
I just wanted some opinions and advice on how to go about talking to him. Is he too young? Are there any kids books I can read to him about it?
I don't want to upset / confuse / scare him and he probably won't sit still long enough for me to chat to him anyway! I don't feel any rush to talk to him it just seemed as he was curious about how the body works I could drop it into conversation!
I don't really want to talk to my husband about it for fear of upsetting him. It was a tough time for us and I don't think it'll be something he'll want to address at the moment.
Your thoughts and advice will be appreciated.
Jo

4 Comments

keep it simple

by Tracey_E - 2012-10-25 10:10:47

Kids figure things out on their own way before we decide to tell them things more often than not so I'd go ahead and just casually work it into conversation. "Baby brother has a drs appointment to check on his heart. His heart needs some help so he has a special computer called a pacemaker, isn't that cool??" Leave it at that unless he asks more. Kids don't worry unless they think we are worried, they don't think it through like an adult will so simple is best. Odds are it'll be a thirty second conversation and he'll lose interest and move on to the next thing that pops into his head.

I was diagnosed when I was 5. They gave me a very simple explanation for what was wrong (av block). I don't know how they actually explained it to me the first time, but if anyone asked I always said the top and bottom of my heart didn't talk to each other. As I got older I figured out more, by biology class in high school I could explain heart function better than the teacher.

My parents also told me God makes each of us different- brown or blond hair, blue or brown eyes, tall or short, and my heart is different. My 5 yr old brain interpreted that that God wanted me this way so it can't be a bad thing. I had no idea it was dangerous (kids did not get pm's in the 70's unless it was life and death) and I rarely gave it a thought, I never worried. I got annoyed occasionally when I wasn't allowed to do something the other kids did, but that's about it. I still don't worry about it and rarely think about it. I'm 46 and a mom now, healthy and active.

Your boys will both be fine! This is just a fact of life for them, it won't be the big shock like it was for you and telling either of them will not be a big deal.

no worries

by pmredhead - 2012-10-31 12:10:36

I agree. Make it simple and try not to go into detail about it so he doesn't get scared. I've been diagnosed the day I was born with heart block and no one really told me anything until I got older. Couldn't do anything the other kids were doing as I always felt that something was wrong with me and wanted to know what it was. As a mom now, I've always wondered what to tell my kids when they get older because they're gonna start asking questions and realize that I always go for check ups for my pacemakers.

You're son is still young and is too young to understand so I think you should just keep it simple to say "we're going to check your brothers heart."

I'm happy that your baby is doing well

just tell

by ingkri - 2012-11-12 12:11:03

Hi, My youngest son, now 13, got his first pacer when he was 2 days old. His brother is two years older. I don't remember when we first told the oldest, bur he came along on most hospital check-ups and picked up bit and pieces. I know I explained to their day-care friends about the pacer and compared it to my glasses. I can't see without them, and my son can't run and play without his pacer. We even got an old one from the hospital to show. For a period of time he even asked other kids, were they had their pacer placed! Today nobody even thinks about it, more than once a year when its time for a check-up!
Both your boys will do just fine, I'm sure.

Thank you all.

by Jobo81 - 2012-11-16 08:11:44

Thank you all for your responses. I did look at books online to help explain but they all seemed too in depth at the moment and as pointed out he'll probably lose Interest and run off to play with his toys.
My baby has his check up on Monday and my oldest son is sleeping over nannys! So I'll just drop it into conversation again why his brother is going to hospital.
Thanks again for all your advice it's very much valued.
Jo. X

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