Scared

I am 39 yo female and only had a PM (just pacer) put in last Monday. I felt like I was in the prime of my life - single mother of three and had an awesome career ahead of me and really fit. I had been retraining for a career in the air force and still have my application submitted. I was going in as a scientist officer and I feel as this is over. Even though my doctor said he will clear me I have been grieving as all I felt like I lost this dream. I am also really scared for my future.

Since having it put in I feel like I am looking for any little thing that could go wrong and constantly live in a state of worry going to and from the hospital.

Can anyone give me a positive story /stories I have no clue what life is going to be like from now on.

I also have just started getting shoulder pain is this a result of the unit in place in my chest ? how long does this last for? I am worried that it could be a heart problem. Not sure anymore what pain is for what.

Thankyou

13 Comments

Loving life

by Cheryl B - 2011-08-08 02:08:05

Dear Cazzbeth:
I welcome you along with the other members of this awesome site. Yes, we've all had those scary nights wondering "what if this thing stops" -- well, I have, anyway. And then we wake up the next morning, read a couple of encouraging posts here, and go on about our lives, BETTER THAN BEFORE. I didn't know I had a problem with my heart either. I won't get into the boring details, but I "made" it to the hospital in time, and got a temporary pacemaker put in till they figured out what the hell was wrong with me. I have an ICD now. Seems I was having a little trouble with a rapid heartbeat. I didn't go to doctors before, didn't take medication, except for Thryroid pills, and not even aspirin before this. Now I'm on about five different meds four times a day, including aspirin. Life is different for me, but I'm still here. I still ride my motorcycle, walk my dog almost three miles a day, and work as a court reporter, and have no intention of quitting anything. In fact, I want to try racketball soon. It's normal to be scared because it's your heart, for Pete's sake, but don't give up your dream of an Air Force job. I would definitely thank you for your service.
Cheryl B.

Try not to worry

by Ebony1991 - 2011-08-08 03:08:55

Hey!
I don't know whether you saw my post a few back from yours but I am relatively new to having a PM as well. I had mine put in 6 weeks ago on Thursday and I am 20. I am an outdoor activities instructor teaching sailing, kayaking, keelboating, powerboating, climbing and high ropes. I thought my career was over too but actually its better than ever. Before I had the pacemaker put in people were cautious to employ me just in case I passed out especially where I work at the moment at Go Ape as a High ropes instructor. I spoke to my manager because it worried me and he said that actually things are better now because the problem is fixed and actually I won't be passing out any more so people are more likely to employ me. Things do get better and the pain does go away. In my opinion it is just something you have to get used to. It is a really bizarre feeling having a pacemaker and I can see mine under my skin which freaks me out a little bit but I think it is just a case of realising that its their to help you and you need to accept it but stay strong and not let it get in the way of anything!
Hope this helps
Happy to chat to you so we can share PM stories. I hate the fact that I don't know anyone else that has a pacemaker because as supportive as my friends and family are they don't really know what its like.
Ebony

Another wee story..

by gulliver80 - 2011-08-08 05:08:25

i first had my ICD fitted on 23 May after a five week stay at the hospital pleasure!! I have an ICD for Obstructive Cardiomyopathy, Atrial fibulation and a slow HR (28 at resting, 20 whilst sleeping) but to be fair I have not been so lucky after having had a second op for implant due to loose leads and wrong position - that said im starting to feel A LITTLE BETTER EVERY DAY........
I've just turned 31 and was extremely fit (or mad!) running frequent marathons, halfs, boxing, weights, blah blah and this whole episode came from nowhere - like many of the stories on here - and i have had a hard time coming to terms with the whole thing - but i am getting better and thank the man upstairs everyday as i realise how lkucky i have been - a good friend of mine was not so lucky and passed in his sleep with the same illness. I agree fully with cheryl B, dont give up on your dream, keep believing that it will haooen, im sure you will get there.
Darren

Thankyou so much

by cazzbeth - 2011-08-08 06:08:50

Thankyou for your post it does help me. I would love to chat about this more. Did you go through a period of anxiety after? This happened all of a sudden to me my heart stopped being monitored while I was in hospital (which was lucky) and they then told me what the problem was. Next thing I knew I was being transferred to a hosiptal in the city and the next day I had a PM. So I am going through absolute trauma atm. Feeling like my heart could pack up and worried about every little sensation and what it could possibly mean. My investigations have all come back clear but still have these slightly weird sensations so at the slightest thing I get myself off to hospital. I live on the edge of my seat atm and I am wondering of this is normal to go through and will this all settle down including all these weird feelings that I think are either anxiety or heart related

Welcome cazzbeth

by walkerd - 2011-08-08 07:08:05

If your doctor will clear you then by all means go for it, a pm is not the end of the world, it treats a problem just like anything else that medical procedures do. You as a scientist should know that young lady. Dreams dont stop because you have a pm. Grab your dream and go with it, I see no reason why you cant go for it your doctor has given you the green light. Just remember your pm is there to help correct a problem you have with your heart, and from what I see it must be doing it. I also

dave

Welcome

by Gellia3 - 2011-08-08 08:08:59

Hi,
Welcome to the PMC. You can get alot of great support and information here.

I'm with the others. Please try not to worry. Your life will go on as before, only better. Now you don't have to worry about a sudden death.

I have had my PM since I was 26 years old. It has been 36 years now. I've had 7 replacements and except for short recovery periods, it hasn't stopped me from doing a thing. Most of us go on with the thought that at least we don't have to worry about a heart rate that can suddenly take a nose dive and we can fall on our heads!

I have found over the years that I have had as normal a life as any other person.
Enjoy your children and try not to worry. You are STILL in the prime of your life and a PM hasn't change that.

My very best to you and again, welcome!
Gellia

Life can be better after a PM...

by jenny97 - 2011-08-08 09:08:00

I was 24 when I got my first pacemaker and it was a scary time. I fought against the decision and tried medication after medication for a full year, with countless ambulance rides to various ERs along the way. And then I finally gave in.

And life got way better.

Yes, it was weird to have a foreign object under my skin and I was actually scared it would come through for the first little while. But I felt so much better. And as a result have had periods of up to five years when I have not passed out.

Anxiety is probably normal, particularly since you didn't have any time to prepare for the placement. So it's ok to feel a little off kilter. Just don't cave to it. Allow yourself time to adjust and get used to the feeling. But know, as everyone else said, that the PM is there to help and can really improve your ability to accomplish many of your dreams.

There IS life after PM

by Edouard - 2011-08-08 11:08:53

Hello cazzbeth
Welcome to the club.
It's easy to tell someone else not to worry. However, like yourself, and most other members of this Forum, you've been through a major and sudden life change, with very little warning. So it's OK to be a bit down.
I hope my own story can boost your morale a bit.
I got "Pac-Man" last year, at age 58. Before that, I felt invincible. I have been swimming for years, full out, 4 to 5 times a week, for some 90 minutes per session. Oh! I had been passing out from time to time, but I had never taken that seriously. Then, in May 2010, I busted my face and ribs quite thoroughly. The EP at the heart institute told me that I need to go through with the operation. They gave me "Pac-Man" on May 25. On July 22, I flew to London for a long-planned 12-day cruise with my wife. Upon my return, I got back into the pool and resumed my training. I raced in several competitions and did quite well in the Provincials and the Nationals.
Now, I am bored with my retirement and have registered for translation courses. I intend to lauch a new career in that field.
So you see, there IS life after PM.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Edouard

Parallel Universe

by donr - 2011-08-09 07:08:23

Cazz: I just read your second post. By golly, kiddo, put my my name in place of yours & it would be an exact match for me.

Just had my 8 1/2 yr check today - kinda like old home week w/ the nurse who sprung it on me that I needed a PM. She told the whole room present what a basket case I was immediately after hearing the news. They got a real hoot from it.

Bottom line - you are perfectly normal. It is normal to go through some anxiety under your circumstance. It's OK!!! BUT...it's not OK to wallow in it forever. You have been given a new license to live. You said it - you had a great career ahead. So maybe the USAF door slammed - another one will open. You have a bunch of kids to live for. It's not just Cazzbeth. You have to learn everything you can about living w/ a PM. knowledge is strength. You'll have a ton of questions - go buttonhole a nurse on your DR's staff & ask away. They won't answer - ASK US. We will. Just call us "Allstate." You're in good hands now.

Oh, BTW - "Welcome aboard!".

PS: Just went back & re-read your second post. Yes, anxiety can very much mimic heart problems. Your next challenge is to start learning the difference - which is extremely difficult. Been there, done that, have many of those tee shirts. Stuff you would not have even noticed before will be as prominent as a ringing church bell now. Sorry to tell you, but it's true. And, it may well take a few trips to the hosp or your Dr. to sort them out.

Don

I Told you so...

by donr - 2011-08-10 09:08:56

...see, the USAF door slammed & the RAAF door opened! .

Sounds like you just might have a chance.

About the near death experience - does the PM protect you against whatever caused your heart to stop? Face it, standing toe to toe w/ the Grim Reaper & staring him/her in the eye sockets is un-nerving. So, I say to you - you are authorized to be a bit anxious. But, look at it this way - your PM protects you against another of those chance meetings. Since you claim to be a scientist, look at it from a scientific point of view. There are literally millions of us out here running around w/ little buddies in our chests keeping us going like the Energizer Bunny. For you to meet the GR again, you must have two coincidental events occur - Your heart & your PM quit on you at the exact same time. The probability of that occurring is miniscule. Once upon a time, I was working on a project for the US Army, selling them an industrial machine control system. One of the reliability requirements was for a miniature computer to be MORE reliable than a piece of wire connecting it to another component. Now that was a bit assinine & I pointed that out to them. Fast fwd to me & my PM - I have had a lead break (a piece of wire) and my PM plug along putting out its pulses to keep the old ticker pumping. So these devices are extremely reliable, w/ backup modes to protect us. There are myriads of folks running around (literally) who are TOTALLY dependent on their PM. It stops - they die.

You are in good hands!

Good luck w/ the RAAF.

Don

Update

by cazzbeth - 2011-08-10 10:08:57

Hi Everyone

I am doing better today. I went back to the hospital again today and again got the clear. I am starting to understand pain that is from anxiety and the pacemaker. I am pretty sure it is not heart related now. I know you all know this but being new to this and not knowing a sole I just needed reassurance.

Hey Don I am in Australia so it will be the Royal Australian Air Force. I have been chatting to some service personnel and also my team of doctors and they both think it might still be possible considering my role (Environmental Health officer). I have a lot to offer the RAAF as I will have two degrees, post graduate in Env Health and also an honours degree. These Qualifications I was told are rare to have so I think I have a lot to offer them.

I still have to get over the near death experience which I am going to talk to someone professional as it causes huge amounts of fear.

But I think I am starting to get there. I will be okay and value what you all offer me to help me get through this this has really helped.

Enviromental Health.

by Andersen - 2011-08-25 02:08:45

Great! What an addition to our august club. Does the radar from aircraft on the ground affect our PMs?

Best wishes,

Andy

Hello

by cazzbeth - 2011-08-25 10:08:51

I dont know for sure I will ask but I should expect not as the frequency is a far distance away. Also I am not sure but I think radar does not interfer with a PM like EMI does. Never the less I will double check because I too will also need to know.

Thanks for your question it is a good one

Caroline

You know you're wired when...

You always have something close to your heart.

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