The Long Story

• by Angelie
• 2009-07-02 08:07:48
• Coping
• 1722 views
• 3 comments

My heart has always pounded since I was a little girl. I was an extremely active child playing anything from house to baseball. I would ride my bike for miles and jump rope for hours. I once even tried to break the Guiness World Record for the most consecutive jumps on a pogo-stick. I jumped continuously for an hour, that is, until it started raining and my mother forced me to come indoors. I wasn't a hyper child, and my energy back then was fueled mostly by sugar and boredom. One thing that was always constant was my racing heart.

I thought every one's heart race like Speed Racer, pounded like Hulk, and skipped more times that Lou. How was I to know that it wasn't considered normal when it was all that I ever knew?

Twenty years later I felt symptoms for the first time, but had an invincible spirit and chose to ignore them. I continued working as a nursing assistant who honestly at times felt in worse condition than the patients that I helped cared for. Physical activity of any kind left me feeling ill and completely fatigued, but I continued with my physically demanding job and grueling gym workouts. In 2002, I was referred to a cardiologist for a pre-employment physical who would hopefully clear me to start my new job. Instead, he ordered a bunch of tests which diagnosed my arrhythmia and I began taking medication every day for the first time in my life. At one point, I was taking up to fifteen pills a day and I had to carry a pill box every where that I went.

"Take this one four times a day for your blood pressure. Take this one twice a day for your dizziness, Take this one twice a day for your heart rate, and this one once a day for chest pain. Wear these full length, thick, tight stockings every day in the 90 degree heat of South Georgia. Do this. Do that. Take this. Take that. Don't eat this. Don't eat that." Not necessarily exciting coversation for someone in their twenties.

During this time in my life there were many occasions in which the words the doctors gave me were harder to swallow than the pills. I was in my late twenties, but felt my life resembled someone in their eighties. My own grandmother was even more active than I was. I was no longer the energetic person that I used to be as my symptoms quickly zapped the life out of me.

I accepted this new limited lifestyle with dignity and a humble spirit. All of the days that I felt badly gave me a joyous gratitude on the days that I felt well. I'd try to make the most of good days by cramming things in as not to waste precious time. One thing being ill has taught me is that each day is a gift. Appreciate the good days and try to learn from the bad ones.

Over the span of six years, I've seen two cardiologists and three electrophysiologists who have performed three EP studies / ablations, and prescribed every medication known to man. Unfortunately all of these treatments were unsucessful.

Due to my past and present sweet tooth, I always thought that by the time I was in my thirties that I would have dentures. Turns out that I have one of the healthiest mouths my dentist has seen, but now I have an artificial pacemaker instead of artificial teeth. From what I hear from denture wearers, I'll take a pacemaker any day.

Doctors dangled the pacemaker option around me for about a year before my actual implant. By the time all of the treatments and medications had been tried and exhausted I knew that the pacemaker was the only option left to try. I knew that I was about to embark on something life changing. I wanted to remember everything about the experience so I requested to stay awake as much as possible during my pacemaker procedure.

My procedure was a pleasant experience as my doctor's IPod and conversation with his staff kept me entertained and occupied. When the procedure was over, we all laughed and made the most of the occasion. I figured if I had to have a pacemaker, I might as well welcome the occasion with a cheerful spirit and a grateful heart.

The morning afterwards, I got out of bed, dressed myself and walked slowly around the nurses's station. I was back at work within a week, started driving and walking in two weeks, and have exercised everyday since then. The majority of days I wake up in the morning refreshed after a good night's sleep. I have more energy, and I'm able to eat better. I finally feel like someone my age again. For eight years my heart condition has kept me from exercising, and now I'm training for my first ever 5k race which has always been a dream of mine. For the first time in my life I feel like I can run for miles....if only my legs could keep up with me.

My family and friends have worried that a pacemaker would disable me. They've tried to protect me by keeping me down, but I feel like I've been down long enough. I'm trying to make them understand that the pacemaker hasn't disabled me but enabled me to finally live up to my potential. With this new lease on life I am finally free to do just that-.....LIVE.

That's my story. I ran across this today, just when it seemed like I needed to read it the most. I wrote that eleven months ago. Since then I've had three more heart procedures and have continued to have problems with my right lung. After five ablations, I don't even know what my natural rhythm is anymore, and at my last pacer check was diagnosed with Chronotropic Incompetence. Exercising has become a real battle with me, but is extremely vital to my lung issues, and overal health.

My road has not been easy, but I'm constantly aware of people that are worse off than I, and I consider myself blessed. I don't know if any of you keep a written journal, but today looking back at mine has helped me grasp that Hope, that endurance, the inner-strength that I so obviously had just 11 months ago. Sometimes you can get beat down so much that you forget exactly where you were to begin with and it's hard to get back up and start where you left off.

I'm starting where I left off. I'm going to fight hard, and who knows, maybe even run another 5k in the Fall or Winter.

"Happiness beats in one's heart, but my heart beats too fast. Just when I get a glimpse of it, it comes speeding on the left to pass."
Now it just simply beats...and somewhere along the way I lost sight of where I was going. I'm going UP.....out, far, and free. Sooner or later I'll find the new me.....

Angelie