Fear...

Hi all... I have posted a few times on here and have been so happy to have the support, but we are really struggling with wrapping our arms around this. My husband, 42, just got a PM last week after a Maze procedure for afib after failed meds and ablations. It had gotten totally out of hand over the last couple of years and his heart was going nuts every single day.

We knew there was a chance of the PM, but didn't really consider that it could happen. But, after the third degree block stuck around post surgically, they said the PM was our best option. They told us there is a possibility over the next few weeks as the swelling goes down in his heart it may conduct by itself, and he won't pace full time, but nonetheless, the PM is here to stay.

All good things have happened since the surgery, including no afib, off 3 high blood pressure meds, and off the anti-arrhythmia meds. But, must say that emotionally dealing with the PM is really been difficult for him... and for me. I wrote before that we are very, very active and everyone has said we will be great, but I am just wondering if it is normal to feel such anxiety, fear, anger and every other emotion that this happened. He says feels somehow "broken" and displaced. Is that normal?

Looking for support and kind words if anyone can help me through. I know many of you have mixed opinions on Maze, but it was our choice and so far, it seems to have worked far better than the ablation. Last time I wrote I got some answers that people were against the Maze surgery, and I appreciate that, but right now, I am just a little raw to have anyone point out that we shouldn't have done it... because I can only move forward at this point and any help to do that would be soooo appreciated. It has been a long road and I am hoping the PM is helpful in finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

7 Comments

Carolyn65

by Carolyn65 - 2009-10-25 08:10:42

Recoverrite: The women in my families have all been the strongest. The men on my Mother's side all had heart attacks before they were 50. I always prided myself in being able to go, do and keep up with the "best of the bunches". Ya'll probably did too.

Then when I turned 64, I felt like my life had been "turned over & stomped upon". Words like, "broken" and "displaced" are mild compared to how going from a very active, very independent, individual to someone who has to depend on batteries, PM's, Dr's., hospitals, etc. I found out I had A-fib, then I found out I had a blood clot in my leg in 2008 and then in May, 2009, was told by my cardiologist to have an ablation/ PM implant. Mind you, I had not been in a hospital since 1969 when my last child was born!

I thought I was the healthiest, robust of all! A week in the hospital with surgery for the blood clot made me feel very much "less of a person". I had lost all of my independence I had built up for myself over 65 years. Yes, you go thru stages of "can't believe it is happening to you, to "scared of the unknown", to "why me", to mad because you can not continue on as the "strong one" like you always had before and "umpteen" other emotions. People had depended on my good health.

You just have to take Life one day at a time and live it the best you can and have fun doing it. IF you are given lemons ~ make lemonade. My favorite is, "Life isn't about how to survive the storm ~ but how to dance in the rain".

Sorry I do not know what MAZE is, but can imagine all of our emotions follow a lot of the same paths and gamuts. Life is not always a "bowl of cherries" ~ LOL.

Bless you two, it sounds like ya'll are "all good things have happened since the surgery ", and yes, I have had my PM since 10/2/09 and there is life after getting your "Energizer Bunny" ~ Hang in There and enjoy each other. Later, Carolyn G. in TEXAS ( :

why

by Tracey_E - 2009-10-25 10:10:02

The fear and anxiety are perfectly normal. He's not broken now, he's fixed. It helps to focus on the positive- the maze procedure fixed his arrhythmias. Don't question your decision because IT WORKED! There was a price to pay- the pm- but an av block is the absolute easiest thing to fix with a pm so in the grand scheme of things it's a small price to pay, imo. Our hearts set the pace and beat on their own, the pm just completes the broken circuit. It's a lot easier on his body than medications, no side effects.

As he heals and you see how much better he feels, I think acceptance will come on its own for both of you. It takes a little time to wrap your head around but most of us start to feel better and get back to life, and that allows us to forget about it.

I was 27 and we were newliweds when I got my first pm and my husband freaked out a bit. He hovered and worried. I really don't think he gives it a thought now, he can see how healthy I am and it's all because of the pm. I would not be here without it, I am completely dependent on it. I know I'm in the minority, but it never bothered me to know I have a pm. I had more energy than I'd ever had before and felt so darned good that I didn't care what brought it about, I was just happy to be able to do normal activities and not spend days in bed tired and dizzy. Neither of us gives it much thought now, it's just a part of me.

If you or your husband would like to talk to me, please let me know. Private message here, email, instant message, phone... whatever you're comfortable with. I'm 43 and on my 4th pm. I was born with 3rd degree block. Sometimes just talking to someone who's been through it and come out fine helps put things in perspective.

Emotions

by Mary Anne - 2009-10-25 10:10:08

You made a very strong point when you said it's time to move forward. But even then, the emotions are all a part of that. Yes it is NORMAL! There were days that I felt like everything I knew about myself was changed. It is wonderful that we have families that are so supportive during these times, as you are to your husband. Don't pressure him into trying to get back to his normal activities if that's not what he feels he can do at this point. Find other activities that you can enjoy. Little by little he'll find his comfort level and feel more confident to take on more. I'm still working on it and it's 7 months. For example, I don't feel I can safetly do push ups anymore, even though the doctor said I could,so I lift small weights, started with the cute little one pounders. Same results, no fear or pain. Don't let him give up. Things are different, but that's not bad.

Broken

by ShadowWeaver - 2009-10-26 03:10:59

The emotions that you are describing are perfectly normal. It is also perfectly normal for people to deal and cope with things in their own time frame, so don't try to set expectations on yourself or your husband on how long it will take. I am 34 and got my PM 7 months ago and I still look at my scar in the mirror and call it my constant reminder that I am defective. Needless to say, I am not fully over it for many of the same reasons. The doctor's say I am healthy as an ox except for my heart not beating properly.

No offense to anyone here, but I have heard the statement, "We're not broke, we are fixed." a lot and must dis-agree. Stating that is like calling someone 80 years young. It sounds good, but doesn't have a shred of truth to it and doesn't change the situation any. The plain and simple fact is that there is a part of him that is broken, but that doesn't mean that HE is broken. Your husband is still the same person and will most likely be able to do all the same things that he did before the PM. Both of you will have to take the time needed to adapt to the new revelation and to figure out how fast to build back up, but it will most likely happen (barring involvement in to many high impact things).

While choosing to kind of ignore the condition by stating we are fixed may indeed be helpful for some people, it never was for me. For me it is much easier to just look at the condition for what it is and work towards accepting it. Each time something good happens in my life, I try to tell myself that if it weren't for the PM, I wouldn't be here to have enjoyed that wonderful thing. As those "wonderful things" keep building up while the days go by, I find myself changing from hating my PM to at least appreciating the moments that it has given me. Keep in mind that life is nothing but a series of moments all strung together. Having the need for the PM can help each of you to appreciate many of those moments that may otherwise have slipped away unnoticed. Next time you kiss each other, live in that moment for awhile, talk about how it wouldn't have been possible without the PM. Or when you give your kids a hug or when you watch something funny on T.V. and have a good laugh together. All of these are moments that you may not have had without the PM. Living moment to moment and in the moment has been the best thing for me in helping me deal with the fact that I am broken. Heck, I may be broken, but at least someone was around with a tube of super-glue. :)

Michael

broken/fixed

by Tracey_E - 2009-10-26 07:10:33

Sorry, I stand by my belief that we are fixed. :o)

definition of fix... repair: restore by replacing a part or putting together what is torn or broken

Fixed doesn't mean perfect, it means repaired so that it's working again. I'm not ignoring anything, I'm accepting it and getting on with my life. I choose not to let the fact that I have a heart condition rule my life or define who I am. I am grateful to have something that can be fixed to the point where I lead a full, active life.

Life is not perfect, we are not perfect, and the changes our bodies go through as we age are just part of living. Expecting perfection and a lifetime of perfect health is completely unrealistic. Viewing every change for the worse and seeing ourselves as broken is not healthy. Would you want a child with a birth defect reading this and going through life thinking something is wrong with them, that they're defective and therefore somehow inferior? Of course not, and we are not inferior either.

I'm not trying to be harsh and I'm not saying that everyone has to love their pm or accept it overnight, but I do firmly believe that our attitude affects how fast we heal. Negative thoughts prolong the healing process.

Tracey,
the eternal optimist who's glass will always be half full

Hi,

by Gellia2 - 2009-10-26 09:10:10

I'm with Tracey!

In the 34 years I have had a pacemaker, I have never once felt "broken". I never once let it bother me doing anything. When I first got mine they had no idea what I would be able to do or not. No young person (I was 26) in my area had ever gotten one as that was back in 1975. So, they weren't sure what I could do. Fine. I did anything and everything I wanted without limits.

I found no limitations at all. I have traveled, raised a family, basically lived my life to the fullest with a few pacemaker replacements (seven so far) in there for speedbumps.

I also have third degree CHB and the pacemaker fixed that.
Broken? No. I don't feel broken. Just repaired with general maintenance required!

Nice to know we're worth the price of a good used car! LOL

Sidle up to the bar with Tracey and me and our half full glasses. A positive attitude really does make a difference.

My very best to you,
Gellia



THANKS

by recoverrite - 2009-10-27 11:10:53

You all are amazing... and Tracey, I will be touching in with you soon. And thank you all again for helping me and my husband so much.

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